Labor Day - another day off work!

This makes the fourth day I'm off work and I'm not sure how I feel today.  I'm tired, for sure.  No real reason why.  Perhaps because I've engaged the body more than the mind the past couple of days?

I've unpacked some boxes and gone through things.  I've walked Sheeba.  I've done some other walking around Costco - was not going to stand in line when every line has about 10 people in it.  Just did not have the patience for it - and there was nothing we really needed.  I've done a lot of sitting around and crocheting. 

Or perhaps it was because I got to play - physically!! - with our great granddaughter for awhile yesterday.  She was so much fun!  Yes, my granddaughter and her family came over for a visit yesterday and I was 'told' by our littlest princess that I couldn't sit on the couch, I had to be on the floor at her level!  Oh what fun we had!  I find myself wanting to call her 'Doodad' since that is what my son calls her.  I have some of those 'stress balls' in different shapes - stars, hearts, cow, duck, fish, etc. - that I have collected and I keep them for the little ones to play with.  All the other little toys I've had over the years are long gone.  This little one at first wanted me to throw one away from her, behind me.  Then she would crawl to get it and bring it back in her mouth like a dog.   (Of course Sheeba was in her crate watching all this!  I wonder what she was thinking about that?!)

We did that for awhile and then she wanted me to get a basket to put them all in - so I found one - and then the game became let's throw them all up on the air out of the basket and then gather them back up.  It was so fun!  She never did slow down.  It was so good to spend some time with them and then they were heading back to my son's house to drop off the little one while they had a chance to have a date at a nice restaurant.  It was so fun and I'm glad they were able to stop by.

I wanted to go visit my son at his impromptu party.... but with covid and all... it was decided that we probably shouldn't go.  Yes, it was in a bar, but that didn't bother me.   I was disappointed, but I was ok with not going because I understood hubby's fear.  One never knows and since we don't go out that much, the fear is real for him.  And then later in the evening we get an invite to another event for our youngest child who is retiring from the Army after 22 years.... and he plans to have it at the same place.  I checked 'maybe', but doubt seriously if we can go.  It showed he had invited 143 people and many of those will be his army friends, I'm sure.  But that is an awful lot of people and you don't know where all these people have been.   As much as I would like to celebrate with him, that is a section of his life that I really have not been involved in.  Yes, we've gone to a few of his awards and promotion things, but other than praying him through his tours, (and life) we haven't been involved in the army life and also we have met some of his friends, we don't know them. 

Today I'm not sure what I will be doing.  I did manage to walk Sheeba yesterday about a mile and a half.  A neighbor stopped me and told me about another dog park so we may take Sheeba over there soon to check it out.  I do enjoy the walks though and it has been good for me to walk some.  I think that is one reason why I can still pretty much get around - I try to stay somewhat active.  I'm finding though that with sitting as much as I have been with work, and then crocheting, I find that I am a bit more 'stiff' in the joints than I used to be.  I've got to keep moving.  Maybe I can get hubby to go exercise today.  At least to go check it out.  I need to so that I can keep walking and still with this heat, I just can't.  People who are going hiking in this heat are totally nuts.

Hubby wanted to talk with me yesterday about something he has been thinking about.  He said he had - before we moved - sending out an email to his Bible study guys and just covering some scripture and talking about it.  I thought he was still doing it, but he said no.  He said he had been praying about how he could serve God (since we aren't in church) and he was thinking about doing that again.  I suggested that instead of sending an email out each week, why didn't he use his blog that he has never used.  He had been thinking of that.  So I guess I need to check it periodically to see if he is using it and see what he is writing. 

He will probably do much better than I - although I have tried to get back to writing thoughts - and I do occasionally, but I find myself sharing more of what is going on.  He asked about my blog and since this has been a lot of my own issues and gripes and complaints, I really don't want him to read them cause .... well, just because.  I acknowledged I did write it in but was very vague.  This was my safe place... it would go out into the void.

Maybe the void is gone.  I dunno....  perhaps I do need to go back to the beginning....

something to ponder.... I do have another outlet I haven't used for awhile... I just get in here and forget about the other.  Hmmm.... what to do.

For today... I think I'm just going to try to unpack another box or two and get things put away.  Hope you have a great day!

Blessings!

It is Sunday and I should get up and walk....

but I'm feeling somewhat lazy.  I checked outside at 5:30 and it was still dark.  It's 6:05AM right now and probably getting light, and yet, here I sit.  What is wrong with me that I just can't get going?  I think I know, and it creeps upon me periodically.  I have to work through it and then I'm ok for awhile.  Yeah, that D word.  Depression.

I think it comes and goes with most of us at one time or another.  Yet, I know other people who seem to be happy all the time - and maybe they are.  Or maybe they hide the down times.  I've had a couple of those down times this past week.  Only one day was really bad, but I got through it and it seems I am just lazy now.

But we do have good things happening.  My granddaughter FINALLY got engaged.  That has been painful for me and I have tried not to judge or let it get to me.  I was thrilled when she finally was proposed to yesterday.  It's been a long, long time, and now if we can just get to a wedding, this grandma would feel much better.

It was so fun to see another granddaughter yesterday who happened to be in town.  Got to spend a little time with her to catch up while at a baby shower.  She will be in town through today at least and we both are hopeful that we can find time to meet up and see their little one - who is not so little anymore at 3 years old!  I am fearful this little one won't really know us or remember us, but we can live on in photos.

Speaking of photos, when I was going through boxes on Friday - you know, the day I wanted to do things and get things done and it didn't happen the way I wanted it to....  anyway, I found a box full of photos.  In talking with the granddaughter yesterday, she offered to scan them all, but I declined.  I'll have my 'photo' day with my kids - those who want to come go through photos - then she said she would take what they or I didn't want and would scan.  Especially for her dad, who said he didn't want to go through any photos.  My least photo child.  She would like to have them for her child(ren).  I found another box of albums too so there are so many photos.  Of course now there aren't so many since we have our phone cameras.  But sometimes I still print the photos cause it is so nice to look back over fun memories.  But as I have gotten older, I begin to think of what I need to let go of and get rid of - and photos are one of them.  If my kids don't want them, of what use are they?  I

In my day, we loved getting the photos of our ancestors - how else could we know who we might look like, and if they were taken too soon - for example, my dad died when I was six.  What if I didn't have any photos of him?  I have a few, and I treasure those.  I have a few of my grandparents, my granny.  And, as I show photos of my granny, especially, I can relate stories of how she would sit in her rocking chair on the porch of the house, rarely talking, but loving us all.  How she would make sure we had plenty to eat when we visited.  How she lived in the right side of the house that her husband had built for her when they first married, and her daughter and her family lived in the other half. 

Memories.... how I treasure them! 

Interesting.... I started this bemoaning the fact of being lazy and needing to go walk and not wanting to go walk - and here I am in memorylane.

And 'celebrating' my middle child's 49th birthday today.  I don't dare text him until later, but I have already thought of him, as he would already know.  I'm not sure if we will join him tonight in his celebration.... we have said we were, but I get the impression he really doesn't want us to - and that would be ok.  I wouldn't want to embarrass him among his friends.  It would just be stopping in for a coke anyway.  So, I'm not sure what we will do just yet. 

And I need to get off here and make a decision as to whether or not I'm going to walk.  It is nearly 6:30 and I'm sure it is light enough to walk now.  I've heard Sheeba stirring some, waiting for us to get up and get moving. 

It's Sunday and am looking forward to the message for today via online services.  There are so many out there to choose from - and we have several pastor friends who have online services, but we really like Jentezen Franklin from Free Chapel church.  He is on now, but we wait until the next service which starts at 8AM.  Then at 10:30AM we watch our church.

Labor Day is tomorrow and I'm hoping to get more unpacking done.  It's been a quiet, yet busy, weekend thus far.  Hope you have a safe one.

Blessings.

The day came and went... pretty much as I figured....

I came out of my room yesterday morning and took my cup back into the kitchen.  Hubby stopped what he was doing and immediately came to talk with me.   I confessed that I was taking the day off work - and he asked me why?   I didn't think I really had to have a reason, but I just told him that Sue, Mary, Carri, and Rick were all off, so why couldn't I have a four day weekend too.  So he wanted to go sit out on the front patio and drink coffee together (after I changed clothes from my jammies!!) - but I opted for water; I was filled up on coffee at the moment.

We sat outside for a short time and he quizzed me on what I planned to do - and what his plans were for my time.  Of course it included getting my phone taken care of.  When did I want to go.  He had a 2:30 appt at Costco to get his hearing aids cleaned out.   

So I put him off for a few hours because I did want to start going through boxes.  Oh my goodness! What fun that was.  One entire box is full of photos.  Some brought back great memories and others just fun times.  I found a script my daughter wrote to the board of the insurance company to fight for her bone marrow transplant.  I found numerous report cards for the two boys.  I found a song that my middle child had written me on my 41st birthday, I think it was.  I snapped that one and sent to him.  He remembered.  I put it back in the box until a time the kids go through them and take what they want.

I'm wanting to have a photo night - but looking at all the albums we have, and boxes of photos too, I'm thinking it may need to be an all day Saturday look through.  Or at least a couple Saturday mornings or afternoons.  It would be fun to fix a meal for them and let them go through everything.  I need to allow them to do it now, for when I die, who is going to want to have to deal with everything.  If they go through them now, take what they want, then I can mail to others their photos for their families.  So many photos, so many good times, so many memories.  I saw photos of my deceased brothers and I began to think back to times with them.  I need to find a time where they can come and go through photos.  I don't care if they come one at a time, but one might get a photo the other would love to have.

Back to yesterday.....  I unpacked about 4-5 boxes, then as hubby asked a couple times when would I want to go.... I stopped and got cleaned up to go out.  He took me to lunch and we had a nice lunch.  It was a very good pork tenderloin I got!  Then we went to go get the screen fixed at a small shop near metrocenter.  It was no longer there.  Since we were by the 'old' house, I asked that we go visit out neighbor and check out the reports we had gotten on our former front lawn.

It was great to visit with John for a short time.  He says he hasn't seen much of our neighbor, but they have had someone out on the roof nearly daily.  One of the driveway side windows had been broken out and taped up.  The covering over the attic was removed and there was a ladder laying against the house.  John also said they have been doing something with the air conditioner, and he thought they were working on the sunlights.  

Now the sunlights could need to be replaced eventually, but it isn't something that needed to be done immediately.  The air conditioner we had serviced before we moved, and they told us it was working better than some of the new ones (in spite of being over 25 years old!) - it was just very loud.  I still believe that when the painters who painted the outside of our house stupidly taped up the air conditioner did something to it.  When I walked outside that next morning I immediately ripped the plastic off of the air conditioner and noticed that it was much, much louder than it had ever been.  It had been enclosed in plastic with no air circulation around it and running for 24 hours or so.  From then on it has been extremely loud, but it still cooled the inside.

The yard.  Our yard we had taken care of for so long.  I must admit it was one of the better looking lawns on the block, and when my roses bloomed, it was a beautiful sight.  I'm glad I have photos of it for no one would believe the beauty of it compared to what it looks like now.  The neighbor across the street had called again a week or so ago and complained about the yard, and she missed the beauty of it.  So we wanted to see it too.  The grass is brown.  Two of the bushes up next to the house are totally dead and brown.  My roses are dead.  With the temperatures like they have been, and no water given to them, the landscaping is turning the ugly shade of brown.  I didn't look at the tree, but it isn't getting water either.  It was so sad.  We wondered about the back yard, the pool, but were afraid to go into the back to see what it looked like.  If the front looks like this, the back must be worse.  Have they let the pool mold?  The grass is surely dead for it also has a sprinkler system.  Our son-in-law had fixed the back yard up to look so nice, spent a lot of time and money in fixing it.

What could these people be thinking to pay that kind of money for a house and then let it go to pot?  I wonder if she is regretting buying the house now.  There wasn't anything wrong with it that needed immediate attention.  We were doing quite fine there, and our son-in-law and grandson did a lot of work to fix things.  We just don't understand why someone would spend that kind of money for a house they were not going to take care of.  Oh, I neighbor also said that they were tearing down walls he thought.  The only wall they could tear down would be between two of the bedrooms.  Maybe that's it?  I don't know.  I wish them well, but wow.  It blows me away.  I wouldn't buy a house to remodel unless I knew what I was doing.  I would buy a house that fit my needs.

Which is what we did.  We both love our new home and it's arrangement.  We both like the space we have which is nearly all used.  In our other house, there was a substantial amount of space that wasn't used but once or twice a year.  We will use / and do use / the space we now have.  My only 'complaint' is that I wish we had a yard for Sheeba to run in.  But I need to get my butt moving in the mornings and take her for a walk, and get hubby to take her to the dog park when the weather gets better.

And, speaking of taking a walk - here comes Sheeba running down the hall - I hear her.  So I guess I need to get up, get dressed, and take her for that walk.  Need to - we got a walking challenge on Fitbit going this weekend!!  Have a great weekend!

Blessings!

When things go wrong.....

Read my son's blog this morning in which he stated he started his new job.....and had to 'pause' it.  Why?  Because of needing either his social security card or a certified birth certificate.  Unfortunately, with COVID going on, attaining either of those is a difficult and long process.  Offices are closed.  People are working from home without access to the necessary equipment to produce such things.  Life is crazy.

I'm bummed, for this job really seemed up his alley.  He loves to read, and it would require a lot of reading and working through things.  I doubt seriously if I have either one of those documents.  But, I will go through boxes this weekend (I planned to anyway) to see if by any chance I would have his birth certificate.  I'm pretty sure I passed that along years ago, but I will still check.   Especially since I found the youngest son's birth certificate a little over a week ago going through boxes.  But because the older son had been out of the house longer, I'm pretty sure I've already had to turn it over.

But I'm still believing God for bigger and better things for my son.  He got to go through the training so now he knows what it's about.  That is a very good thing.  To go through all this to get this job - and then find it wasn't what he would enjoy doing, would be a real bummer.  Continuing to pray, I am confident that God is working in this situation.  I just know it.

I have decided to take today off work - but I haven't told hubby yet.  Why?  Because he will plan my day for me as soon as he finds out.  Today is a work day.  Four of my five bosses are off today.  Perfect time for me to either catch up on minutes (not a favorite thing to do, but needed) or take the day off myself and plan to work on boxes in the garage.  (I had already planned to get some boxes taken care of BEFORE I read the son's blog this morning)  I still have boxes in storage so need to clear these out before I can work on them.  And they are all filled with papers so going through them will be tedious, but necessary. 

I know hubby already had made plans to take me away from work today to go get my screen fixed on my telephone.  I broke it several months ago (had a drop-sy problem - every time I picked it up I would drop it!!) and now (assuming it is a result of the broken screen) sometimes it won't connect a number or a text when I press on it.  Not sure what I've done - probably really messed it up on the inside.  Anyway, he even called Verizon to find I am eligible to upgrade (of course I am!!  $$)  I'm not sure I will do that but it is annoying to try to use my phone and it won't accept the pressure of my finger -any of them. :-)   I was concerned about being gone from my work as long as that would take, so being off work will take that concern away.

I should take Sheeba for a walk since I'm off, but not sure I will do that either.  It's almost my usual time to come out of the office and if I walked her as I would another time,, I would have been out of here about 30 minutes ago.  Oh well.  I'm not even dressed yet.  (gasp!)  Of course it is only 6:11AM.  I like this laptop my son-in-law gave me - it's fast and since I don't use it for a lot of things, don't have a lot on it to slow it down.

A four day weekend ahead of me.  I know today will involve taking care of my phone.  Which is needed.  And I know I want to work on boxes this weekend.  But I also plan to take some time to just chill and rest.  Have a granddaughter's baby shower to go to tomorrow, which will be fun.  I even get to see another granddaughter and great-grandchild.  I'm so excited about that.

My middle child is having a birthday on Sunday and has invited us to meet him at one of his favorite places on Sunday.  Should we go?  Should we not go?  We plan to go.  Just because it is a bar doesn't mean we are going to go there and get drunk.  We can have water or a soda.  But I want to be with my son and just celebrate him.  We won't stay long, but do want to go since he did give us an invite.

As I sit here and think about what to write, I keep thinking about my son-in-law and his attitude towards us.  His patience is beyond patience, for sure.  He stopped by the other day to fix a towel rack that hubby had accidentally pulled from the wall.  He checked out my question about the roof and reassured me it was ok, but would be going up to check it out on another trip.  He took boxes I had filled to take to Goodwill.  He asked if we had trash to get rid of.  He was doing all he could to make our lives better.  I sometimes feel that we are taking advantage of him, but we often are reassured that he is doing what he wants to do - help us however he can.  I am grateful for that.  He has gone way beyond what he would have to do.  If I want more boxes from storage, he goes and gets them without complaining.  If I need boxes taken away, he makes a special trip just to get them out of the way.  I feel loved and cared for, and that is a good thing.

I guess I need to get my butt up and moving this morning.  I've read my Bible, spent some time praying, read in a couple other books I enjoy, drank my cup of coffee hubby brought me.  Guess I need to confess I've taken the time off work and go on from there.   Maybe nothing else will come up.  I could crochet..... or knit....

God is good.  He always provides what we need when we need it.  He does things that we think are impossible.  He IS God of the impossible.  Trust Him.  I do.

Blessings!

Are you listening?

One of the greatest words in the Bible is the word 'Hear'.  Think about it. 

When we speak to our children, we want them to 'HEAR' us.  When we speak to our spouse or significant other, we want them to 'HEAR' us.  (and they want us to 'HEAR' them!!)

But sometimes we turn a deaf ear.  Oh, we hear them alright, but we don't let it engage in the mind.  I know that I am very guilty of that.  Confession time.  I hear the words, but because I don't want to listen, or I don't agree, or I am busy and don't want to be interrupted, the words fall on deaf ears.  And although I WANT to hear, I truly do, I don't.

Does that make sense?  Please tell me I am not the only one who does that!!  Unfortunately, I'm sure I am not.  Even more unfortunately, we have turned a deaf ear to the One who loves us and wants the very best for us all the time.

John 15:7 says:  If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you.

For those of us who grew up in church, and occasionally now, we have heard those words before and probably thought to ourselves, 'ok, I hear it.... what it says that whatever I desire, I will get it.'  Right?  No, that isn't what it means.  It means that if we seek Jesus, and read and listen to His Word, then as He abides in us, and we abide in Him, if what we ask is according to His desires, .... ok there I go with MY interpretation.  You need to get your own.  Everyone has an interpretation as to what the Bible says to them.  Many times I go to the 'study guide' just to make sure I am understanding correctly what I think the Word says.  I'm not always right.

We often harden our hearts against the Word.  We hear it, we understand what the meaning is, but we harden our heart because it isn't what we want to hear.  I've done that.  I don't WANT to always be nice.  I have a right to be mean once in a while too, right?  I don't WANT to be submissive to anyone, and I don't HAVE to be, right?  It's ok to be hard-nosed and critical, right?  How many times have people spoken critically of me?  I can retaliate, right?  I can do things my way, after all, I have the choice to live my life the way I want to, right?

In the Bible is a parable about the four different kinds of soil.  You know the story found in Luke 8.  Each soil type represents a condition of the heart, and how we hear.  The seed that is sown is the Word of God.  Notice that the quality of seed is always good; it's the condition of the heart that determines if you HEAR, and the fruitfulness of the Word.

The "wayside soil" represents the 'hard heart'.  Every garden has a pathway through the garden where we walk.  That part of the soil gets trampled down and becomes very hard.  Even though seed gets thrown on it, it cannot penetrate the ground.   Desires and mind-sets can snatch away God's Word from the hardened heart.  We want to do things our way.

The "rocky soil" represents the 'shallow heart'.  That where there is good soil, but just a few inches below this fertile soil is rock, and the roots cannot get past it.  The seed will sprout and spring up quickly and you think your garden is going well, but it soon withers and dies.  That's us who hear the Word and get real excited, but it doesn't take long for us to move on to something more fun.  Unfortunately, when tough times come, there isn't enough root to stand firm.  We give up.

The "thorny soil" represents the 'crowded heart'.  This ground is deceptive in that it is tilled and ready to receive the seed, but buried within this tilled ground are seeds of weeds and thorns - and they grow faster than the seeds that are planted to grow and be fruitful.  Have you discovered this in planting your own garden?  How often do you have to go out and pull those weeds only to discover they are already coming back up in the row that you had just pulled them from?   Thorns and weeds represent the riches and pleasures of life.  Sometimes life is very 'daily'.  We just want to make enough money to pay the bills.  Study hard enough to get past that test.  Work hard enough to maintain our job.  We put so many things before God that He soon is crowded out.

The "good soil" represents the 'fruitful heart'.  As Christians, we are NOT automatically fruitful.  Trust me on this one.  We must be careful as to how we embrace the word of God, and allow it to germinate in our lives.  That's why Jesus, after delivering this parable, warned them, "take heed how you hear".

Sometimes I have a hard heart, and I don't want to listen to anyone.  That's my problem.  And if you also see that you have a hard heart, that is your problem.   We need to work on that hard heart and soften it up.

Jesus is not horrified by your unbelief and hardness of heart.  He knows how hard our hearts are.  But He wants us to see it.  Jesus often made statements to His disciples 'Why do you have so little faith?" but He didn't talk like that to berate them or beat them down.  He wanted them to be awake to the understanding of the true condition of the heart.

So where are you this morning?  Are you listening to what God is saying to you?  Or are you with the hardened heart and want nothing to do with Him? 

When was the last time you told Him 'thank you' when He blessed you with something you desired?  I have found that I need to thank Him constantly (and I do!) cause I desire to get my work done timely and completely and I know it is beyond my power to do it on my own.  If He didn't help me with minutes, and finding times for meetings to schedule, I would be failing at my job. 

And every day I am asking for His help to understand instructions, to complete the tasks that I am given, to quit beating myself up and be brave enough to ask questions to help me understand more.  I'm thinking Microsoft Teams - the 'new thing' in the business world.  I know very few basics, and yet I am expected to know how to navigate through it.  It's a struggle!!

So today, Lord, I want to say 'thank you'.  You have provided many things for me that I haven't stopped to thank you for.  You covered our finances when we needed it.  You stopped things that could have been costly and provided even better than we could have imagined.  You allow our struggles to help us depend more on You.  You give us good things.  You get me through each and every day and through my struggles with work and things at home.  Keep my heart and mind set on Thee, Lord.  Help me to remember You are always with me, and You want only the best for me.  Sometimes I need to take my hands off, and allow You to work in situations, and in me.  Thank You, Lord.

Blessings!

When you are feeling low...

and trust me, it will come.  I've gone through many of those phases this past year, what with the masks and the coronavirus, with being isolated.   It's hard.  It is a tough place to be.  For me, when I am in low tides, I want to be alone.  I want people to leave me alone.  I want to wallow in my sorrow.  To  with what is going on, to try and think through what can I do.  And I spend a lot of time praying that God will help me get out of my drop in emotions.

I was reading in my devotional this morning and it just happened to be about low tides.  It made some very interesting points so I am going to share those this morning, because I know that we all go through these at some time or another.  Whether it is relational, or physical, or financial, or emotional - we all go through it at some time.  And most times we try to hide it, and sometimes we are pretty good at it.

There is a song by Peggy Lee that asks the question.... "Is that all..... is that all there is.....?  And I am sure we all ask ourselves that questions many times during our difficult and low times.

When our spirits are high, we are flooded with optimism, hope and expectation.  But when we are feeling low, our jagged barnacles of disappointment, discouragement, and disillusionment are exposed.  We try to hide the melancholy from others beneath a thick coat of public image shined to a high gloss finish with the wax of superficiality and embellished with a religious cliche or two.  But all the while, at the low tide within us, we struggle to maintain an even keel as the rough winds jerk our sails.  Some of our low tides are almost predictable, aren't they?  Many seem to come right after we have a great victory over something.

We get a special reward, and realize the next day it is 'just a piece of paper'.  We buy a new car and, like someone I know recently found out, many things start to go wrong with it until it is beyond our budget to repair.  We get married and the person we were so in love with and held on this high pedestal, has shown their true colors.  The job we longed to get and finally get, just doesn't measure up to what our anticipation was.  So many things can bring us down to the low tide, and we ask the question, "Is that all..... is that all there is...?

I Kings 18 and 19 share the story of a great prophet - Elijah - who had a great victory and beat the prophets of Baal....but then became afraid of Jezebel and ran and hid.  When he cried out to God, it wasn't in spontaneous praise, but because he was over-whelmed with self-pity.

II Corinthians l:8 shares about Paul, that great man of God, who fell into despair, perhaps due to loneliness, weariness, and emotionally drained over all he had gone through.

Even the greatest warrior and King - David.  A dedicated warrior, unmatched for bravery in Israel's ranks, he was forced to flee from King Saul.  Reeling in fear and despair, David even disguised himself as insane before the king of Gath.  The once exalted warrior now scribbled on the doors of the gate and let his saliva run down into his beard.  Read it in I Samuel 21:13.  David was at low tide and all his valor seemed an empty dream.

Low tide....very painful, yet how essential.  Without it, we cannot have high tide.  Without it, we cannot discover how great and dependable our God is.  He surrounds us constantly, and waits for us to spend time with Him.

It isn't Him running to us every time we have a problem.  It is us humbling ourselves to admit that we need a Savior.  We truly are not perfect, nor will we ever be.  We can never hope to be perfect for it won't happen. 

But He is.  And He surrounds you in good times, and in bad times.  He's beside you right now, waiting for you to turn to Him and just tell Him your problems, your confusion on what to do now, where do you go, what do you do, how do do you do it.

We often forget that, because we think we can only find God in church.  But that's not true.  He lives inside us, and He lives beside us.   He's waiting.  Open your heart, and just tell Him what's going on and ask for His guidance and direction. 

When it seems like that's all there is, remember all you have in Him.

Blessings!

Still haven't really started....

Nope, I haven't.  There is something that I want to do, and I think about it often, but I just have not gotten busy with it.  I really do want to do it.  I feel lazy when I don't do it.  And it is right there for me to do.  But I don't do it.

I haven't been exercising.  Yep.  The big E word.  I enjoy exercising, I really do.  And I really have no excuses why I don't.  I haven't been walking Sheeba.  I use the excuse I like to extend my quiet times in the morning and not stop at 5:30AM to go walk her.  I just peeked out the window.  Changes.  It is 5:30AM and the night is still upon us.  Yep, that is my excuse recently.  Hubby doesn't want me walking in the dark.  Even with Sheeba.  And since I haven't as yet learned my way around all the streets here, I'm not too eager to go out while it's dark either.  So it will start to get light at 6AM, I'm thinking.  Perhaps today, I will get my butt in gear and take her for a walk.  But no guarantee.  My heart just isn't in it.

The thought often comes upon me 'why am I the only one walking the dog?'  She isn't even MY dog.  I was ok without a dog, but when hubby talked about getting another one after Marley passed away, I knew it HAD to be a big dog again so I talked about walking the dog.  I can count on one hand - with fingers left over - how many times he has walked her.  And that was down to the corner and back.  The walking has always been left up to me.  As is many other things.

Yesterday I was really irritated, I guess.  I know, surprising, huh.  I had a long work day and for some reason I was physically and mentally exhausted.  Probably from not exercising and not walking Sheeba, I'm sure.  I'm in this house nearly 24/7 - only occasionally getting out, and I'm so very tired.  Yesterday I shut down around 4:15PM and went into the kitchen to start dinner.  Sheeba decided she was hungry too so started nosing around what I was fixing.  Hubby told her it was too early - and I told him it really wasn't - if he fed her before 5PM, then perhaps she would eat her morning meal instead of leaving it until mid-afternoon, and then not eat her evening meal. 

So of course he started fixing her meal, getting in my way as I tried to fix our dinner.  I have to wait for him to get out of my way so that I can get started.  It's annoying.  I worked all day, and then I still have to figure out what's for dinner.  And cook it.

I sit down at the table as he finishes up and he says, "oh, Chuck called me and we're having breakfast in the morning, is that ok?"  I just looked at him and said 'I guess'.  A little later he started.  "When I told you I was having breakfast with Chuck in the morning you gave me a look.  What did that mean?"  I didn't remember giving him a look.  I really don't care he is having breakfast with Chuck in the morning.  But he pressed me about 'the look'.

I told him that I didn't give him 'the look' - but I had a question for him.  Why am I the one who always has to work - and he is the one who gets to enjoy being with his friends and going out to breakfast with them and spending 2-3 hours just sitting and catching up?   You won't believe his answer.  "Well, you get to go every Tuesday night to Mary's and get to hang out with the girls!  I don't go out that often!"  I hadn't said a word about him going out - and I really don't care.  I DID comment how I had to work and he got to play and it didn't seem fair.

I was stunned.  I just walked away.   I occasionally (and not every week) get to spend crochet/knitting time with my daughter and sometimes my granddaughter on a Tuesday night, and he's jealous?  That was the night he always had a couple men to come to our house - before COVID - and I was banished to my back room until my daughter, granddaughter and I decided to meet.  But since they aren't meeting now, it seems to be a problem for him to be left at home.

I was to start my new workout program last night.  I have prepared and planned for it for a couple weeks.  I'm all set to do it.  But life was sucked out of me - and yes, I allowed it to be - and I didn't do it last night.  Perhaps sometime during the day I can take the time to do at least part of it.  It's almost 6AM and if I get up and get dressed, then I can take Sheeba for a walk just to get my body moving - and that is just as good if not better, for both of us.  Poor Sheeba just doesn't get the exercise she should. 

Oh - when I commented something last night about Sheeba being HIS dog - afterall, he was the one who looked for her and made the decision to get her - although lucky me, I got to pay for her - I told him then she was his dog, not mine.  Anyway, I commented something about having Sheeba wasn't a wise move because she didn't get exercise like she should.  She doesn't even have a fenced yard to run in now.  He commented back to me - "well, you wanted a big dog so that you could walk her!"  Again, there was no need to respond.  Yes, I did say if we had a big dog that I could walk her - but only because he will not allow me out of the house - even during daylight hours - to walk by myself.  He's so afraid a boogie man will steal me.  Always has been.  So yes, I can walk if I have the dog with me.

Maybe I do need to start this morning.  First thing I need to do is get dressed.  It wouldn't be pretty going walking in my jammies.  Sounds like a plan.

I'm up and going!  Plus, it gives me time to think, to sing, to pray and tell God all about my issues and problems, and ask Him to take care of them.   And quit whining.

Happy Tuesday!