Mr. Holland's Opus....

We watched Mr. Holland's Opus again the other night.  I love the ending, when Mr. Holland finally gets to direct/hear his Opus for the very first time.  But what always grabs me is the comment of "Mr. Holland, we are your Opus".  Every life that he touched, consciously or unconsciously, were a part of his Opus.

And that is the same for us.

Our spouses are our Opus.  Our children are our Opus.  Our friends are our Opus.  Those whose lives we interact with, those whose lives we touch - they are our Opus.

Webster's Dictionary says: 

Definition of OPUS

: work; especially : a musical composition or set of compositions usually numbered in the order of its issue.

 

Interesting.  It's definition is of music alone.  But think about it - isn't our lives "music", if you will?  How we live our lives is the clarinet, the drum, the tuba, the trumpet - it just depends on where we are at that moment.

 

I'm sitting here thinking of where the music would be right now for me.  I feel at peace, serene.  Of course it is before my day begins here at work.  The feeling of peace and serenity will change, I'm very sure!  So if I am living a soft clarinet piece, what will happen?

 

The clarinet may change to the tuba - LOL  thinking about jaws right now - but that wouldn't be tuba... What made that da dum da dum sound?  I know my son will know!  Anticipation of what the day will bring.

Today, though, should be a good day.  We have caught up at work and I don't stress like I have been (quick pitches of music, bongo drums?) but just take each day as it comes.

 

It has become so much easier to get through each day that I am able to leave by 5:30-6:00 versus the 7-8PM that I had been leaving for a few weeks.  I hear I am still going to get someone else to help me so that I can get out of here by 5PM.  Not sure if I want to drive in traffic at that hour, but it will allow me to have a life.  Somewhat.

 

So where are you at this morning in YOUR Opus?  The music of your life?  Those who have been trained in music know more instruments than I do so will be able to articulate the styles and transitions of music notes.  I think soft and mellow, to intense and stormy.

 

I do love the classicals though I haven't listened to them for awhile.  Sometimes it is good just to sit back and listen to the 'great ones'.  The Opus of their lives. Their creations.

 

Where do you want your Opus to go?  I mean, how do you want the Opus of your life to be seen?  Somewhat stormy and hard?  Gentle and smooth?   You can use whatever adjective you desire for the type you like. 

 

If you could write out a score of what your life is like musically, what would it be like?  What would it sound like?  That is a challenge for those of you who know music!

 

For me, I think a little classical is in order to listen to.  Don't think I have any on my IPOD though, so may have to resort to something else.  Something quiet, something peaceful.  After all, my day hasn't started yet.

 

Hope that your day is played exactly as you want it to be.  Live your Opus to the fullest.

 

Blessings!

Really, I did have some thoughts.....

I did.  From Tuesday through Friday this past week I was unable to get online.  I mean, I could get online, and I could put the title in, but after that - the computer would not allow me to put my cursor in the body of the note to write.  I tried every morning, without success.  I finally sent a note on Thursday to blogger, and they did reply, but I couldn't answer their question of who was the internet server for the company - I don't know.  But, in reading further in a q&a section, I see many people were having these issues and they had answered that it was something to do with explorer, that if we used chrome (isn't that google's?) then we can still use it.  I'm using Chrome now - but then, I'm at home on my computer too.  Oh well, at least I'm able to get in and type.

Only I forget what I was going to write about.  I know I had some good thoughts.  I bet they would probably have been the best I've written for awhile.  I'm sure they would have been.  Maybe next time I should create it in Word, email to myself, and post it online when I get home.  That would probably work.  Maybe.

Work has gotten better in that I am finally able to keep up on the workload and am usually out of the office between 5:30 and 6:00PM.  Haven't had to do a 7-8PM for a couple weeks now.  Of course part of that is due to the two nurses usually do not work past 5PM, and they tend to take their time during the day as they are both still learning how to review and approve.  It is a lot of work, from beginning to end.  I had begged for temp to help me.  Now I don't need one, except for when I need to take time off work.

I have a week scheduled off in August.  I have 3 vacation days - and decided to take 2 personal days as I have meetings on one of those days.  Why go to work for one day that week.  Might as well take the entire week off - so that is what I'm doing. We've changed our plans for getting away that week; cancelled the rental for now.  I told hubby that perhaps we can get away one or two days; will have to just wait and see how things are at that time.

We had a temp start last week to help my coworker get the authorization requests started.  Give her a few weeks doing that and then train her to do my job just before I take off.  I think that is all we need.   I still get very frustrated at our "trainer".  She tries to run the department and the director lets her.  A whole nother story.  I have caught her trying to cover her xxx and lying and changing things she should not be changing.  I have finally reached the conclusion nothing is going to be done until others stand up and speak up.  In the meantime the 'what goes around, comes around' theory is going to have to work.  That and 'Oh the web that we weave, when we practice to deceive."  The morale in our department is hitting bottom and this person is the cause of it.

Enough about work.

Life is what it is.  It's too hot to take Marley for walks so she is restless with being so big and unable to get outside for any length of time.  She follows me around when I'm home like a sick puppy.  I'm at the kitchen table now and she is laying at my feet.  If I go to the front room, she follows me.  Shoot, if I go potty she follows me in there!  Reminds me of when the kids were smaller.  And yes, one time she did put her paws under the door, trying to get in.

When I'm not home, she follows hubby around, laying at his feet, etc.  It is like she has to be near one of us.  All the time.  I'm a bit more tolerant though.  It's not only hot out, it is humid, which makes it muggy.  We both worked at Market on the Move at church yesterday.  I am sore in my shoulders and back today some - nearly 4 hours of steadily bagging cherry tomatoes shows I haven't done this for awhile!  It was a good day and I heard this morning that we served over 844 paying people - and that doesn't include those who brought family members in with them to help get food.  I think this is the first time hubby helped; he was impressed, I think.  He said he doesn't want to see another cherry tomato for awhile.

I think hubby is bored.  He came in to see what I was doing (and of course it is my blog) and to see if there is anything I want to do.  He is telling ME that I look bored (???) and as he has asked me twice already today, and asked yesterday as well if I was bored, I asked him was there something he wanted to do.  No, he says, but that I look bored.   Bored, no.  I have plenty of things to do.  I work all week; I'm grateful for quiet time unless I choose otherwise.

If it was left up to me - I'd have the grandchildren over swimming this afternoon.  I would have had them over yesterday.  I would be playing games with them, cooking new recipes with them.   I wouldn't be on the computer or watching television, that's for sure!  So I responded back to hubby's question that if there was something I wanted to do, I'd get up and make plans to do it.  So now he's offended because I wasn't including him in my comment.   Sigh.....

Ok, I'm starting to type and delete so guess it is time to sign off for today.  Perhaps I can type tomorrow and  make sense.  If not, perhaps I will try the Word route and not make sense.  Or make sense.  Whatever.

I have things to do, but I'm thinking a nap might be in order for today.  After all, hubby says I'm bored so what else is there to do?

Hope you have an un-boring day.

Blessings!

Reading again... do I dare to believe.....

I'm having troubles with the blog this morning.... It doesn't seem to want to let me type.  I keep getting these 'error on page' and now 'javascript:void(9); - whatever that means.  Maybe I'm not supposed to write.  Maybe I'm not to share my thoughts this morning.

I wanted to yesterday, but when I got to work, I had so much to do that I had to jump right in and get started.  But today, I want to take some time out for me.

As my title implies, I finally was able to do some reading over the weekend.  Not much, mind you, but at least able to start reading again.  It is difficult to read when the TV is on.  Hubby has a habit of asking if he can just watch the game to get the score...... and then will keep the TV on and flip through his TV shows and watch them. 

He did it to me again last night when I told him I wanted to read.  He had had his meeting with his friends and I was in my back room with the dog.  I started reading a book, and when they left, I wanted to read some more.  So I came out and sat in the front room.  Then he wanted to see the score of the game.  He ended up watching Lonestar or whatever that show is.   I did finish reading what I wanted to, but had to read some parts twice.

No, I'm not complaining.  He DID say the other night that Friday evenings will be our 'reading' night.  Big deal.  What if I'm too tired to read after a long week at work?  What if we have other plans?   He is such a stickler for sticking to plans.  I'd rather do whatever the mood decides to do.

But anyway - back to my title, I was able to read a book last night.  It was called 'The Lamp' and it was by the man who wrote 'The Ultimate Gift', which is a movie.  It's a good movie and I enjoy watching it.  The book was a little disappointing, but it had some good points.

It's the story of a genie-like lamp.  There isn't a 'genie', but a man mysteriously appears and he gives his name, and during the course of conversation there is a discussion from the skeptical husband to get three wishes.  But there are rules. 

1)  You can't wish for something you can do for yourself.
2)  You can't wish for money.
3)  .... I can't remember what this one is...

Anyway - you get the picture.  The key words in the entire story is 'Just Believe'.

Just Believe.  Believe in what?  Perhaps it is believing in yourself.  Perhaps it is believing that God never gives up on you.  Perhaps it is believing you CAN change, you CAN make a difference in life.  Perhaps it is believing you can build relationships, you can find a job, you can be a model employee, you can earn enough to survive on.

Perhaps it is to believe you CAN write a book and someone will buy it. 

Perhaps it is believing you can be healed of whatever ails you. 

It can be anything.... you only need to believe.  

More than anything, believe in yourself and that you can make a difference in someone's life.  Give a smile.  Write a note. Make that phone call. 

Just believe.

Blessings!

Shaking things up....

I have decided that I need to shake some things up in my life.  I have become 'old', in my terms.  I have become 'set' in my ways.  I have become 'more irritable' - or is that 'less tolerable' about things.  That's what old people do - and I don't want to be old!  Ok, getting older is something I can't stop - short of death - but I can keep from acting old and being like we have always envisioned 'grouchy old people'.  

So how do I do that?  I have no idea.  Well, it helps if you aren't in that environment all the time, but sometimes you can't help but be.  Life happens.  I think the first step is don't allow 'outside' influences to make me do things or become someone I don't want to be.  For some people it is natural.  For others, like me, who doesn't like to cause waves, it is harder.  To not become an old grouch, I have to focus on positive things.  I need to do things that create a positive environment, a positive influence.

I want to laugh, I want to have fun, I want to live life. 

Sometimes I want to sit down and cry for no reason.  Sometimes I cry and there is no stopping the flow of tears; it's out of my control.  That used to happen years ago, then I was able to suppress them.  A few years ago it started up again.  I couldn't understand why during one church service I couldn't stop crying.  I finally remembered that I had been praying that God would break my heart for the things that break His.

I haven't stopped crying since.  And when I cry, I remember my prayer, and I have learned to stop worrying about how it looks.  I have learned to ignore the looks I get.  Sometimes I have to pause in talking just to get my voice under control so that I can talk.  Some people politely pause and give me time to compose myself.  Others look at me like I'm nuts - especially since it is sometimes over nothing.

Or over something exciting.  I am so proud of my children and grandchildren, and of others, that when they do something that draws my attention, I tend to choke up.  They are tears of joy.

Or over something painful.  Recently we had 19 firefighters killed in a firefight.  And I cried.  And I'm sure God's heart was breaking too.  I didn't know these men.  I have no connection with them.  I think it is possibly more that my heart was breaking for their families, their loved ones, for the pain they were having to endure.  Before that it was the children killed in Connecticut.  No connection to me, yet my tears fell for their families.

Or just hugging someone who has lost a loved one or is going through difficult times, I find my heart grieved, and my eyes full of tears. It is as though their pain is transferred to my heart, and I hurt for them.  I don't know how else to explain it.

Or over something stupid.  I get choked up over meaningful comments, endearing stories.  I can watch the same movie over and over, and KNOW that person isn't coming back or something has happened, and I cry.  It used to be a joke that I always had to have a Kleenex box handy whenever I watched  a movie.  Guess what, that hasn't changed.

Little things that would probably have no meaning to anyone; yet, for me, can bring tears.  I read a story in the paper about a child being hurt.  The tears fall.

Wow - my first paragraph took a journey down a road I hadn't meant to write about!  Rabbit Trails.  Did someone say 'Squirrel'?

Shaking things up.  Well, obviously, my first thoughts on that have taken a turn.  I stopped to fix lunch and now that I'm back to the computer, I'm not sure what I wanted to say.  So guess with that I will get my butt off this chair and go actually do something.  I still need to iron, same as I have 3 months now.  Same clothes.  Just haven't done it.  Need to clean my bathroom.  Yes, I have done that within the past month, but it does need it again.  Need to clean my room(s) - but it's hard for me to do when I'm not alone.  Then when I'm alone I don't want to waste my time doing it.  Is that considered a 'catch 22'?

I started experimenting with food again the past few days.  I'm having a blast with it.  I fixed a chicken dish yesterday that was really good.  I put a can of beans in the bottom of the crockpot, added some chicken tenders (uncooked), added diced tomatoes, added onions, spices, and I forget what else - and let it cook all day on medium.  I fixed brown rice for dinner and we put this on top of it.  Oh yum.  

Then last night I put a mixture of oatmeal, different 5 grains, and put some in the crock pot with water.  Added raisins.  Cooked on low overnight.  Turned it up this morning to get hot.  We had it for breakfast.  I added cinnamon and walnuts to my bowl.  It was so good.  I made enough that I can take for breakfast for a couple days next week.  Tomorrow is Sunday and I usually cook bacon and eggs for breakfast.

Just something easy for you all to think about - make it easy on everyone.  Put something in your crockpot and let it do the work for you!  I'm looking at a recipe for stew now - using short ribs.  Thinking how Marley would love the bones!

Ok - there it goes again - 'squirrel'!  So I'm going to hush and get busy.  Hope you have a great day - and a good weekend.  Don't sit around and get 'old'!  DO SOMETHING!!

Blessings!

I WON!!!! Sorta....

Well, as I mentioned yesterday, I created a dessert and brought to work.  I didn't make it to first place.  I didn't come in second.  HOWEVER, I did win third place.

Does it matter that there were only three desserts in the contest?

Oh well, it was all in fun and I would do it again.  I just didn't get creative as the others did.  First place was a dessert similar to mine, however, she made hers sugar free, fat free (yech) and made blueberries and strawberries as a flag across the top of the dish.  Mine was fully loaded with strawberries and blueberries throughout the entire dish.  I still think mine was the best. :-) 

I was in a creative mood last night - made salsa and made banana pudding.  I had pudding left over from the contest so finished it up last night in banana pudding to bring to work.  I made a double batch of salsa - and notified my boys that there is salsa at the house for them if they want it.  It is HOT this time.  I probably overdid it.  I kept putting jalapenos in it and and couldn't understand why it wasn't getting hot.  After putting near a full jar of sliced peppers in the sauce, I discovered why.  These are "tamed" jalapenos.  How do you "tame" jalapenos?  Never heard of them - don't want to!  Why eat them if you aren't wanting the heat?  Anyway - switched to the hot chili peppers I have and it immediately heated up.  Almost too much I'm afraid.  But, if you can taste the flavor, it should be good.  Nevertheless, it's salsa.

Today will be a busy day at work - we are on 'holiday' tomorrow (July 4th, for those of you who can't figure it out) and most are even off on Friday.  Technically we all are, but I have volunteered to work for if I don't, we will miss deadlines and it is crucial for our medicare contract we don't miss deadlines.  I don't have to work all day, though.  I spoke to my director yesterday and she suggested coming in at noon.  The nurse who is working said she would be working all day.  I'm going to try to talk her into stopping around 3PM.  I figure 10-2PM might be good - but when she said noon, I thought that sounded even better.  I don't care if I stay until 5, but not necessarily until 6-7 like usual.  Afterall, it IS a holiday weekend.  Although we have nothing planned.

I'm looking forward to waking up on my own tomorrow.  I'm looking forward to enjoying a good cup of coffee and having the time to do it.  It's too hot to go walking outside, but hopefully can get some exercise.  Probably not though. 

Exercise.  I have fallen off the wagon since our challenge is over.  Got to get refocused and this weekend is a good time to do it.  Maybe.  Will see.  After I get through the ice cream in the freezer maybe.  Or after I do a mass cooking and getting it out of my system.  Maybe.  Oh well.  I just need to get on it.

And right now I just need to get on it and get to work.  It's that time again.  And that's ok.  It pays the bills.

Hope that you have a fantastic July 4th weekend and enjoy being with family.

Blessings!!

I made a dessert....

We are having a contest today.  In honor of the July 4th holiday, the company is having a BBQ place deliver BBQ for our lunch today.  Don't now what else comes with it - coleslaw at least, I hope.  Anyway, dessert is 'on the employees'.  They are having a contest to see which red/white/blue dessert is the best.

And I think I should win.  Well, I think I should always win, but that doesn't always happen.  Just because I think my creations are the best, doesn't mean everyone else thinks they are. 

Today I 'created' something I hadn't done before.  Well, not in this way.  Trying to work in the red/white/blue theme, I used angel food cake (white), vanilla pudding, strawberries (red) and blueberries (blue) and layered them in a bowl.  It does sound creative, doesn't it?  I screwed up though.  I bought a big tub of cool whip and forgot to use it on the top.  Then I would have placed an accent of strawberries and blueberries on it.  Can't believe I forgot - and the bowl was too full to add after I discovered it.  I had a lid on it - otherwise it wouldn't have mattered.  But, bringing in to work I needed something over the top.  The contest is around 11 or so, I think.  Here's hoping.  Don't know what the prize is, but hey, it's recognition!

I love to create new dishes and I just don't do that much anymore.  In fact, with working like I have been, I haven't been cooking at all like I used to.  We don't eat a lot of food at all - well, perhaps at family gatherings because there is such a variety (or my daughter's white girl salsa), but at home, we perhaps have a small salad and/or a piece of meat.  That's it.  Rarely dessert.  I still have pudding left over, and I bought bananas and vanilla wafers... think I may make some banana pudding with the rest.

I think I should win.  Isn't that what we usually think whenever there is a contest of any kind?  It could be cooking.  It could be singing. It could be creating something.  No matter what it is, we think we should win.  Hopefully we learn from our mistakes and create even better things.  Like when the cake goes flat we try to figure out what caused it and not do that next time. 

I think I should win.  After all, who doesn't like angel food cake, vanilla pudding, strawberries and blueberries? 

Even if the bowl tilted and now everything is out of layer.  Well, not entirely, but just enough.  That shouldn't make a difference, should it?

Kind of like our lives.  We think we should win the prize at the end of our life journey.  We think that we deserve to go to heaven just because of all the good things that we do - that far outweighs the bad, correct?  We think we deserve the prize of heaven when we die.   But our lives don't often reflect what it takes to get to heaven.  That doesn't mean we won't make it, we just may need to make some adjustments in our thinking, in our living, in our professing, in our witness.

Life is hard sometimes and we can be tested continually.  The question is, will we pass the test?  Will we be 'good enough'?

Yes, I have known people who have lived a life that from what I've observed, there is no reason they wouldn't go to heaven.  But only God knows the heart.  No matter what I think of someone - perhaps I remember a time they failed and think there is no way God will allow them in to heaven.  He knows them better than I do; He knows their heart.  They passed the test.

I think I should win.  I think I should go to heaven.  In either case, I am required to do my best.  That is all that is asked of me.  Do my best to create something yummy.  Do my best, after asking Jesus into my heart, to live a life as a follower, and not a fan.  To be the woman that God created me to be.

I don't always win.  I fall on my face a lot.  You'd think I'd have scratch marks it is so often.  Words said, actions done, making a mess out of things.  Getting beat up in various words.  Sometimes I just fail.

But for today, I'm going to think I have a chance to win the dessert prize.  I'm even going to do better than that.  I'm declaring myself the winner!

Now to see if the judges agree. :-)  Stay tuned!

Plan today to be a winner!

Blessings!

Lazy weekend time...

Yeah, it was a fun and lazy weekend.   Of course I'm kicking myself today because I didn't do the things I wanted to get done over the weekend. 

Saturday was so fun.  I started off Saturday meeting with my friend Sue and we did our five mile walk and breakfast together.  Got a lot of talking done and really enjoyed it.  We decided to meet at 6:30AM to get ahead of the heat - but it was already 90 degrees when we started.  After I got back home, hubby and I went over to our daughter's for a cookout, swam with some of the grandchildren (yes, I actually did get in the pool this time!!), talked, played, and just had a good time.  It is always good to be with family.  Missed my youngest son but he had drill duty this weekend - in California no less!  Hopefully the temperature there was a little cooler.

Didn't do anything after we got home, just kind of watched tv.  Yesterday I had thoughts of doing some things after church - but, hey, when the hubby says 'no, just come read or watch tv', it is so easy to just say "ok" and do it.  I did fix a batch of baked ziti yesterday and we did go to the grocery store, so I guess I could say I DID accomplish something.  But not what I needed to do.

I was reminded of all I wanted to do and didn't do when I was rushing around this morning to get ready for work.  Oh well.  I keep telling myself that I need to get rid of a lot of things, clean a lot of things, do all this for life is short.  And, I don't want people going through my things when I die.  LOL  Yeah, it's still all about me.  I want to be the one to get rid of it.  To throw it away.  To give it away.  Sound like control issues?  Probably.  When I'm in the right mood I can really get rid of things, but I find that I need to be alone to do that.  No one around to comment on what is being removed; no one to notice how much or how little or even ask what I'm going to do with it.  Some things are hard to let go of - and other things so simple.  I just ask myself, "would this be of any value after I'm gone?  Would anyone even wonder why I hung on to this?"  If the answer is no - then I need to do something with it.

Of course I've been trying to work on my 'clutter' for some time.  So many things I want to do, can't do, haven't done, probably never will... at least for now.  But I tell myself "someday......"

Watched one of my favorite movies last night with Sandra Bullock - 'While you were sleeping...'.  It's a good chick movie.  Not a tear-breaker but just a good story.  We hadn't seen it for awhile.  I keep telling myself we need to start watching some of these movies we have on VCR tapes; once we watch it, decide if we want to keep it - if yes, put back in the cabinet.  If not, then just go ahead and get rid of it.  We could probably wean out some of the videos we didn't really care for but because we had bought them, put back in the cabinet.  Don't buy VCR anymore, of course.  I need to find a couple DVD videos that we have watched numerous times.... favorites, and have watched so many times I guess, that the video is starting to stop and garble up. 

So if anyone is reading this and is wondering which two they are (that we have discovered thus far), one is "Must Love Dogs" with John Cusack and Diane Lane.  The other is "Return to Me" and I can't remember who stars in it.  Mind is blank.  Both are good chick movies.  I check the $5 bins everywhere I go.  When I didn't know I was going to need them, I saw them all the time.  Now I can't find them.

Thinking about things I hold on to.  I still have clothes from when my children were babies.  I need to pass those on - I'm sure I still have a couple of those.  Some things I've held on to because I knew my children would throw them away, and I wanted to pass them on to their children.  But one thing I've discovered.  The things that mean a lot to me, mean nothing to my children.  I think of the things I have that belonged to my mother, or to my real father.  Little things.  I often wonder who to leave them to.  Who would care to have them.  Who would treasure them as I have, and pass them on to their children.  Whose children would want these things that are years old?  These questions I often ponder.

But my pondering is over for now..... need to jump off this and get to work.  Lots to get done today and with being off two days, it may be a long day.

Hope that you had a great weekend and kept cool.  Did you get anything else done?  Did you want to?
There is always this coming weekend!!

Blessings!