I have decided that I need to shake some things up in my life. I have become 'old', in my terms. I have become 'set' in my ways. I have become 'more irritable' - or is that 'less tolerable' about things. That's what old people do - and I don't want to be old! Ok, getting older is something I can't stop - short of death - but I can keep from acting old and being like we have always envisioned 'grouchy old people'.
So how do I do that? I have no idea. Well, it helps if you aren't in that environment all the time, but sometimes you can't help but be. Life happens. I think the first step is don't allow 'outside' influences to make me do things or become someone I don't want to be. For some people it is natural. For others, like me, who doesn't like to cause waves, it is harder. To not become an old grouch, I have to focus on positive things. I need to do things that create a positive environment, a positive influence.
I want to laugh, I want to have fun, I want to live life.
Sometimes I want to sit down and cry for no reason. Sometimes I cry and there is no stopping the flow of tears; it's out of my control. That used to happen years ago, then I was able to suppress them. A few years ago it started up again. I couldn't understand why during one church service I couldn't stop crying. I finally remembered that I had been praying that God would break my heart for the things that break His.
I haven't stopped crying since. And when I cry, I remember my prayer, and I have learned to stop worrying about how it looks. I have learned to ignore the looks I get. Sometimes I have to pause in talking just to get my voice under control so that I can talk. Some people politely pause and give me time to compose myself. Others look at me like I'm nuts - especially since it is sometimes over nothing.
Or over something exciting. I am so proud of my children and grandchildren, and of others, that when they do something that draws my attention, I tend to choke up. They are tears of joy.
Or over something painful. Recently we had 19 firefighters killed in a firefight. And I cried. And I'm sure God's heart was breaking too. I didn't know these men. I have no connection with them. I think it is possibly more that my heart was breaking for their families, their loved ones, for the pain they were having to endure. Before that it was the children killed in Connecticut. No connection to me, yet my tears fell for their families.
Or just hugging someone who has lost a loved one or is going through difficult times, I find my heart grieved, and my eyes full of tears. It is as though their pain is transferred to my heart, and I hurt for them. I don't know how else to explain it.
Or over something stupid. I get choked up over meaningful comments, endearing stories. I can watch the same movie over and over, and KNOW that person isn't coming back or something has happened, and I cry. It used to be a joke that I always had to have a Kleenex box handy whenever I watched a movie. Guess what, that hasn't changed.
Little things that would probably have no meaning to anyone; yet, for me, can bring tears. I read a story in the paper about a child being hurt. The tears fall.
Wow - my first paragraph took a journey down a road I hadn't meant to write about! Rabbit Trails. Did someone say 'Squirrel'?
Shaking things up. Well, obviously, my first thoughts on that have taken a turn. I stopped to fix lunch and now that I'm back to the computer, I'm not sure what I wanted to say. So guess with that I will get my butt off this chair and go actually do something. I still need to iron, same as I have 3 months now. Same clothes. Just haven't done it. Need to clean my bathroom. Yes, I have done that within the past month, but it does need it again. Need to clean my room(s) - but it's hard for me to do when I'm not alone. Then when I'm alone I don't want to waste my time doing it. Is that considered a 'catch 22'?
I started experimenting with food again the past few days. I'm having a blast with it. I fixed a chicken dish yesterday that was really good. I put a can of beans in the bottom of the crockpot, added some chicken tenders (uncooked), added diced tomatoes, added onions, spices, and I forget what else - and let it cook all day on medium. I fixed brown rice for dinner and we put this on top of it. Oh yum.
Then last night I put a mixture of oatmeal, different 5 grains, and put some in the crock pot with water. Added raisins. Cooked on low overnight. Turned it up this morning to get hot. We had it for breakfast. I added cinnamon and walnuts to my bowl. It was so good. I made enough that I can take for breakfast for a couple days next week. Tomorrow is Sunday and I usually cook bacon and eggs for breakfast.
Just something easy for you all to think about - make it easy on everyone. Put something in your crockpot and let it do the work for you! I'm looking at a recipe for stew now - using short ribs. Thinking how Marley would love the bones!
Ok - there it goes again - 'squirrel'! So I'm going to hush and get busy. Hope you have a great day - and a good weekend. Don't sit around and get 'old'! DO SOMETHING!!
Blessings!
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