Guess I need to do a run to the store....

The surgery went well yesterday.  I stopped at One Nutrition and picked up a couple meal replacement shakes - one for hubby, one for me - for 'lunch'.  A couple hours later hubby was asking for food.  He was going to fix himself some cottage cheese - but it had gone bad.  So I fixed him mashed potatoes and green beans.  Both soft, right?  Then he complained a bean got in the socket and he had to get it out with his tongue.  sigh.  I asked him if he was chewing on the opposite side, as he was told to do.    A couple hours later he was hungry again.  I fixed salmon patties and french fries for dinner at 4PM (after all, I wanted french fries!!).  Oh, and I made pudding.  I think that got him through the evening.

I had given him an ice pack to use in the afternoon.  Three different times, from I'd say 1PM - 4PM, I stood right in front of him, and he was asleep.  I left him alone.  He was awake most of the evening, but I was exhausted so we both went to bed a little after 8PM.  I slept sound until 11:30PM, when he woke me up with his moving around.  Back to sleep and I struggled to wake up at 4AM.  I've managed not to fall back to sleep in here - yet.

When hubby brought my coffee, he came in with his instruction sheet.  His jaw is very much swollen - much more than mine had been.  He's not going to Bible study this morning. Ok. He was reading his instructions to me.  Ice pack the first couple days twenty minutes on, twenty minutes off.  (I never used it) He commented that he had only used the ice pack twice yesterday, and only for a few minutes.  He knew the instructions.... but he slept all afternoon.  The after effect of the anesthesia, right?  I feel like I have another child living at home.  A young child at that.  He was going to grab the ice pack this morning and put on his jaw as he did his quiet time.  Lord Help.

And, I guess I need to make a quick run to the grocery this morning and pick up a big container of cottage cheese and some yogurt.  Mixing those two together is really good, it's a lot of protein and he likes it.  It will at least buy me time to figure out the next meal.  I have no idea what I'll fix today.  Mashed potatoes and something.  I think we have hot dogs in the refrigerator... it's soft, right?   I can pick him up a small container of mac n cheese - that's soft.  I guess I shouldn't complain so much... I should have paid more attention to what groceries we had.... I just hadn't done anything special for myself and I got by just fine.  If I was hungry, I fixed a protein shake.  Simple, right?  I'm not complaining.... I should have made more of an effort to supply food for him.  I'll have to check the work computer this morning and see when I have about 30 minutes to run to the store.  It may wait until closer to noon; we have eggs and he can have those.  But, over all, I think he is doing well after surgery and once the swelling goes down, he'll realize he is fine.   I think the swollen jaw has shaken him up.

Psalm 73:25-26 (NKJV):  "Whom have I in heaven but you?  And there is none upon earth that I desire besides you.  My flesh and my heart fail; But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."

In all of my life, the one thing that I am grateful for, is that my God has never failed me, nor left me.  Even when I was in chains to the world, He never left me alone, but always was there for me to call out to.  Even when I hit bottom, He has always been there, waiting for me to call out to Him.  He is truly my Rock, my Strength, and my Hope.  You can not imagine, I'm sure, what my life would be like right now if I had not run back to Him.  If He had not walked with me these past 40+ years.  I was a mess.  In fact, it hasn't just been 40+ years, but in reality, all of my life.  Yes, I've been through a lot over the years, but God has truly been the strength of my heart and my portion.

There is no one like Jesus.  He walks me through every trial.  He wraps Himself around me when my heart is hurting.  He holds me, and loves me, and comforts me in the most difficult times.  He gives me the wisdom I need for each step.  (I need to listen more on the wisdom part!)  I never have to fear anything, because He is with me.

Truly, my heart and my strength may fail me as I continue to age..... but God has been, and will always be, the strength of my heart and my portion forever.  I pray that He is that for you.  He wants to be....but you have to ask Him.  Will you?  Are you ready to let go of this world that holds you and break those chains and be set free in Him?  Choose wisely.

Blessings!

Friday already?

 Ah- who am I kidding?  Friday took forever to get here!  It's been a busy week and I'm tired.  I've been given very difficult meetings to schedule and difficult tasks to complete.  And my 'don't wanna do it' rises up and I have to get up and go have a talk with myself.  I don't have an option.  It's not  'I can do it or not' - it's 'I will do it cause it's my job.'  Grumble!  And I'm taking off an hour early today cause I am going to get my hair done!  My hair has become extremely valuable because it looks (in my opinion) like it is about all silver.  My little sister loves to comment on how 'gray' my hair is....  I like silver. :-)  I'm hoping we can blend the bleached blonde/brown/silver together somehow and make it nice.  Plus my hair feels like it is thinning out.... always something.

I didn't sleep well last night as I was thinking about one of my granddaughters who is our prodigal one.  I still can't get past she will leave her baby with her boyfriend for weeks at a time.  Talk was of her moving up north and in with a cousin... she is to take her baby with her... but will it happen.  It was to happen twice this week and didn't.  But... she's 18 and thinks she has all the answers.  She has no clue.  No diploma. No job. Footloose and fancy free.  Sigh.  And yes, I was praying for her and this little one nearly all night because my heart is grieved over her life.  How I wish I was able to take that baby and raise him!  I am heart-broken over her, and over this child.

Went over and visited Ms. Diane last night.  Her memory is getting really bad.  She cracked me up.  Her daughter asked if she had eaten and she said yes.  So the daughter asked what.  Her comment back was tell me what was in the refrigerator and I'll tell you what I ate.  So she started naming a couple things and Ms. Diane goes 'Oh I had the spaghetti!' - and her daughter looks at me and shakes her head; the spaghetti was still in the refrigerator.  Her daughter makes sure she has food before she leaves every night.  I did take over the Texas Chili to her I had made the night before, and I made lentil and ham soup yesterday and took some of that over to her.  I imagine she had some of one of those last night.   I cut up ham and put in the lentil soup so I still have some ham and a ham bone to use - maybe I'll make split pea soup today.  But then, what will I do with the rest of the lentil?  Yet, I don't want to waste the ham bone.  Maybe I'll make the split pea soup tomorrow... we can eat the rest of the lentil soup today.  Can't wait until my new soup cookbooks arrive. :-)

Tomorrow will be somewhat busy too.  I need to call Ms. Amy today; she wants me to bring her over to her house and I told her I'd do it tomorrow.  But - we are meeting friends for dinner at 4PM so need to bring her over here early and get her back earlier than usual.  If she don't like it, she can just wait a couple more weeks.  Her daughters should be coming out in May and start packing up her personal things to take to Florida.  Last I heard was that she still will be moving to Florida in May.  They plan to let the house sit for now... I'm hoping they'll put it up for sale soon.  It has sat empty for a year now.  Can you imagine the dust on all her furniture?  I don't touch anything; just check to make sure everything is ok and bring her mail in.  Which reminds me, I need to check on it and take inside now.  I throw away the junk mail and stack up the rest.  Her son pays everything online but for some reason they won't forward all the mail - although he has put in two forwarding requests.

My eye is recovering well, I think.  I still put the drops in it 3 times a day - two more weeks of that or until it runs out.  It has never hurt, except when I put the drops in it.  I can't wait to get the left one done and just be done with it all.   Next Thursday!

Psalm 143:7-8 (NKJV):  "Answer me speedily, O LORD; my spirit fails!  Do not hide Your face from me, lest I be like those who go down into the pit. Cause me to hear Your lovingkindness in the morning, for in You do I trust; cause me to know the way in which I should walk, for I lift up my soul to You."

I imagine all of us, at one time or another, have had those sinking into despair feelings.  Feelings that are empty, void of emotion, feeling lost and alone.  This is one of those verses that always encourage me when I get in that pit of depression.  Oh yes, I fall into at times as well.  Unfortunately, this has been one of those weeks in which I feel I am clawing my way up out of the pit most of the time.  And there really isn't any reason for it.  It's a lot of little things, a lot of emotions that cause my thoughts to run away and leave me feeling I want to run away.  

It's in those times that I want to sit on the floor, put a blanket on my head, and pretend I am not here.  If I can't see you, you can't see me, right?  Remember when we would play peek a boo with the babies and they would giggle when we would show our face - and we would giggle when they showed theirs?

Well this emotion isn't so much like that - but that thought did pop into my head.  Sometimes life is hard.  I keep a lot of things inside me - yes, although I write a lot of personal things on here, I still hold within a lot of feelings and emotions and words.... and you know very well that you do the same.  You want to say things, but don't want a fight. Or you don't want to hurt someone's feelings.  Or you just need space from someone, but can't tell them that cause it would hurt them.  I know you know what I'm talking about!  

This week has been a tough one... even with seeing my boss Wednesday morning.  Even with seeing Ms. Vicky and Ms. Diane this week - and seeing Ms. Amy tomorrow.  I tell others often 'they need to get a life'... and yet, the reality is that I don't have much of a life either.  Sequestered within this room from 4AM until 4PM with few departures from it.. doing the dinner thing and then sitting on the couch... I have no life.  And it is depressing.  Yes, I have found myself sinking into the pit of depression frequently this week.  But because of work I do have distractions.   I recognize it, and I am clawing my way out of it each time that I realize it.  I.MISS,PEOPLE.  I miss the interactions with others.  I used to say my grandchildren kept me young... but now that they are older... well, they do have lives.  Hubby tries to meet my needs, he really does, although he drives me insane.  

For example, last night (and this is most nights)... after I visited with Ms. Diane a little bit and came back home, sat down on the couch with my crochet... "do you want to watch a movie, watch TV, turn it off, read, or just sit and crochet?"  That is usually the nightly question.  If I say I want the TV off and just have quiet... he grumbles, and then - seriously - he will be on his phone for the remainder of the evening.  Not that it bothers me, in my opinion he could be doing something more productive - like reading a good book!  I have stayed off facebook and instagram and linked in since Ash Wednesday.  A couple times my sister sent me something in messenger and when I clicked on it - it took me to facebook, but I would jump right back off and not watch it.  I don't want the temptation to break my fast and start scrolling.  You know what?  Although I have missed seeing what my family members and friends have posted.... I have gained back so much time that I don't really miss not scrolling and losing an hour or more in the evenings.  I do still play my WWF though. :-)

So here it is Friday and I see it is 6:50AM and I need to sign on the work computer yet another day.  Shaking off the heaviness of my heart, I will focus on the tasks before me today.

Today I am praying you will have a blessed day, free from all cares and struggles.  May the Lord bless you and keep you, may all that you do prospers and makes your way sure.

Blessings!

I choose Joy

 How one looks at life can be reflected in how one lives, do you think?  My thoughts.... One who is grumpy all the time is usually is a 'woe is me' type person.  They are complaining, whiney, always wanting more, but doing nothing to succeed in getting it.  Then there is the depressed person, they take on all the troubles of the world and of everyone IN the world, and it makes them sad.  They also tend to find fault with everything and everyone.  They are rarely happy.

For me, life is too short to be grumpy, too short to be depressed, too short to be sad all the time.  I choose JOY.  I choose to look at the good side of things.  True, I may wallow at times, but I pull myself up and move on, looking for what is ahead and not behind me.   So which one are you?  For myself, I choose LIFE, I choose JOY.

Acts 2:28 (NKJV):  "You have made known to me the ways of life; You will make me full of joy in Your Presence."

John 10:10 (NKJV): "The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destro. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly."

I received two more emails from my sister yesterday... and she 'requested' a response.  I waited and thought about it, and finally did respond.  The things she brought up had nothing to do with her, but things that had happened to me.  Many of those things I had forgotten about... and will forget again, for they are not worth my joy to remember them.  We all do things at times that hurt other people.  We don't need people bringing up things to us.... the devil does that in our minds enough!  It doesn't matter what was done or said to me.  I have forgiven, and in most cases, forgotten.  And life has resumed.  Time heals a lot of things.

I choose JOY that I may have LIFE.

"If life hands you lemons, make lemon cupcakes!"

Psalm 46:1:  "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble."

I just looked at my scripture card for today and the above is what was there.  Made me chuckle.  Especially since I love to cook and to bake.  But what in the world would I do with all those lemon cupcakes?!  I DID find a german chocolate cheesecake in a recipe book the other day and I plan to make it as a birthday gift for a friend this weekend.  Our group is meeting together for a potluck on Saturday, which happens to be her birthday.  She had mentioned she loves German Chocolate.  A cheesecake may be better than cake... I said "may be".  I'm not a big fan of either one.... I prefer Pies!

I didn't start my workout yesterday... well, I started to start... and did one warm-up... but then got distracted and never got back to it.  I think I will quit talking about it.  I'll just do 'something' when I have opportunity (or want to).  I'd love to go outside for a long walk - but even this early in the morning it is already 92 degrees.  I know, I have my treadmill, but hubby is doing his quiet time in his 'office' so if I turn it on, it will distract him.  I know, I have great excuses, don't I!

God truly is our refuge and our strength, an ever-present help in trouble.  I am not in trouble, but I know that I can run to Him at any time, at any place, and know that I will receive exactly what I need for that moment in time.  He is busy working in me right now, in the relationship issues I'm in.  To be told horrible things another person sees in you that they don't like can be painful.  I don't believe what they said is true... but I will let God be the judge of that.  I don't even remember what was said now... perhaps that is God's way of telling me not to dwell on it.  Don't own it.  Keep rejoicing and praising Him.  If I need changed, allow Him to do the changing in me.

I think that is a great idea.  I always run to Him when I'm struggling, and He always gives me exactly what I need, exactly when I need it.  Sometimes I don't even realize that He has helped me through something until it is already past.  Perhaps that is to keep me out of the way so He can work.  Jesus is truly my Joy, my Life, and my Hope.  I can depend on Him for everything, for He never fails me.  And He will never fail you.   Doesn't mean you will get everything you ask for.  Doesn't mean that all your needs will be met the way you want them to.  We do have to suffer the consequences of our actions.  But you gotta trust in Him that He knows what is best for you.

Have an amazing day!

Blessings!