Maybe a little early?

 I'm on my home computer and have been working on the message I'll do this weekend.  I think I need a little break and because I just don't want to get up and have questions thrown at me, I'm going to write in here, just to let hubby think I'm working hard.  

It's been a crazy annoying day.  Wet, rainy, and hubby interrupting me at work frequently.  I really want to go back to the office!  But it is so comfortable to work from home. Save on gas, save on car wear and tear, save my body... why would I want to go into the office?  I like to think it would save my sanity. Some of you understand what I'm talking about.  But enough about that.

Remember my mentioning my toes I stubbed the other night?  Well, I checked them this morning and the bruising has started to fade away.  They were still a little sore, but I've kept my shoes on and it's been ok.  Tonight, while I was fixing dinner, I turned my foot and I had a sharp pain go from my toes to my heel!  It was really weird.  Wasn't really a 'pain' but it was definitely a noticeable movement!  And, oddly, my toes didn't hurt that much anymore.  I'm wondering (and my DILove could possibly confirm) if, when I stubbed my toes, the middle toe took the brunt of it based on the bruising, could I have stubbed a nerve or a bone or something in my foot that is in the middle of my foot?  I have no clue and I'm too lazy to look up the bones/nerve in the foot.  Could whatever it was, come untwisted or whatever, and reduced/released the pain of the toes hurting?  Heck if I know!  It was just really weird.

It has been an extremely busy day and Brett has had me scheduling meetings, reserving a hotel, making airplane reservations.... all things that I don't like to do.  But I did get all four board meetings scheduled for this year and also the prep for each one. That took a lot of time to pull together.   I don't know if the plane reservations took or not as I think it was 'after hours' for the travel agency.  I'll call them tomorrow morning and see if they got them as I don't want to go through all that again to have duplicate travel arrangements.  I do not like making plane reservations; I'm much rather they make their own.

This is an interesting subject I'm speaking on Sunday - 'The Hardest Part of Changing'.  Yeah, you already know it is hard, don't you?  Are you aware there are five barriers to asking for help?  Let me give you a few and you will understand exactly what I'm saying.  The first one is Pride.  Imagine that.  We are so prideful that we won't ask for help, no matter what it is.  Some of us (me included) would rather die than let someone know we need help.  Well, you know what I'm saying.  Another one is  low self-worth.  Some of us don't think we are worthy of anyone helping us.  Another one is stinking thinking.  I am sure you are aware that there are people that if you do ask them for help, they will remind you again and again how they 'helped' you twenty years ago!  My older sister, Jackie, did this.  I kid you not. If she needed you to do something for her, she would call and ask, and if you said you couldn't, or the answer was just 'no', she would begin to remind you of all she had done for you.  That's manipulation.  My brother, Larry, and I often wondered if she kept a notebook for a scorecard. Just kidding.

Well, maybe that's enough for tonight.  I have to pause for a bit.  Just letting things ride.......

Still don't have my trees down or any more Christmas stuff put away.  Somethings you just want to do by yourself.  And hubby is always asking to help and by the time I explain what I want done, I can have it done.  Just leave me alone. UGH.   I got to work on it tomorrow some. Maybe after the cleaning people leave (or after hubby leaves and before they arrive at 8am) I can get a few more things taken down.  At least my floor is cleared enough they can run the sweeper in the back room this time.  I tell him to leave my desks alone; just run the sweeper; it will last another month.  Five minutes and he's done.

Saturday this week is going to be busy.  We have a funeral at 10am and a birthday party to go to at 2pm.  Would like to get a gift for the birthday girl, but it said no gifts. I should at least get a card, but I hate spending that much money on something that will be thrown away.... you know what I'm saying.  

So - changes.  Have you ever wanted to change?  I have.  There are areas within me that I'd like to change.  Can I just be honest here? I don't like having to hold things in as to how I really feel about things. So why do I do it? Because I know Jesus would not want me to say the words that come to mind at times.  Not that they are 'bad' words, but that they words that could hurt other people. Not cruel words, but just words that tear down and don't build up.  Understand what I'm saying.  I don't want to deal with the aftermath.  So I pray and ask God to take those thoughts out of my mind and replace them with love.  I'm still waiting on that answer.  Sigh.  Those darn words just keep wanting to come out.  I wonder if I will ever regret thinking them?  See, I'm just as human as you are.

Psalm 51:17 (NLT):  The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.

So grateful for a God who hears us and helps us through the tough times.  If we are repentant, He will hear us and He will answer.  Thank You, Jesus.

I want to change. I want to be loving and kind and all that good stuff.  And I think I usually am.  But we have some people in our lives who like to manipulate and control.... but then, I have a bit of control in me as well, don't I?  How do I get all this stuff out of me and let it all go? 

Well, I'm not going to get anymore done on the message tonight; just not in to it.  Might as well close this off too; at least you will have something to read in the morning. I need to get things picked up and hopefully put away so won't take time to write in the morning.  

Dinner with my oldest son tomorrow; will have to ask him if he is going to the VFW as he usually does.  If he isn't, we aren't either.  I just love being with him.

And with that, I'm off here. Have a good evening, and a good day tomorrow as well. Catch up on Saturday.

Blessings!

Ow - it hurts!

 I didn't sleep well last night and kept waking up.  Not sure what was waking me up, but my guess is that it was the humidifier that I had filled up and turned on.  My hair is flying everywhere due to the electricity and dryness in the air.  I don't use the humidifier every night anymore, and hubby has stopped - for whatever reason - dropping the thermostat down at night like we had been.  We slept so much better when it was in the low 60's  - I think I will remind him of that this morning.  Anyway, because I was awake various times during the night, thinking about the humidifier and if I put enough water in it to get through the night (I did), I didn't want to get up this morning.  Hubby rose at 4:30AM so I decided to get up as well - afterall, I was awake.  I just didn't want to get up.  So, in getting up, I didn't pay attention to what I was doing, and walked straight instead of turning at the foot of the bed, and walked right into the dresser that is there.  A big, heavy, wooden dresser.  Which stubbed my 2nd toe.  It's not broke, cause I came in here and pulled on it a few times to get it straightened out, and I can move it, but it is sore.  What was I thinking?!!

I bought a new Bible yesterday.  I love my Jentezen Franklin Legacy Bible, but I miss reading footnotes on what the scriptures mean.  I love the messages that are in the different books of the Bibles, but I miss being able to jump down to the bottom of the page to see what does that scripture mean and how can I apply it to my life today.  I love the study notes in the back of the Bible on Fasting, but I miss the introductions of what is going on within that book.  So I bought myself the Dr. David Jeremiah Study Bible.  I am going to enjoy the QR codes at the introduction of each book.  It is a message from Dr. Jeremiah on what the book is about.  I want to learn more about the Bible.  Yes, I've read it in its entirety many times over the past 30 years, but I want more.  I have forgotten a lot, I admit.  Work and other things in one's life does that.  We forget what we have learned.

That is why it is so important that we read and reread the Bible, so that we hold these truths always in our hearts and minds so that we know that we know that we know, God's truth.  I don't memorize as well as I used to.  I don't retain things as much as I used to.  But I want to learn.  One could say that since I don't remember things that well anymore that I'm possibly reading the Bible for the first time, because I will learn new truths as I read it.  Won't you join me in this new venture of reading?

I'm still reading in another study Bible in the evenings.  I'm in Numbers, and I thought Leviticus was difficult to get through!  Do I really care what the numbers were of the Israelites when they were in the journey to the Promised Land?    No, but.... I've learned that Leviticus with all its rules and regulations on how to do sacrifices teaches me that God is Holy.  So what am I to learn from Numbers?  That God cares about each one of us - we aren't just a number to Him, we are an individual and He loves each one of us individually with such a deep and abiding love!  Do you believe that?  I'm so grateful I don't have to be perfect for Him to love me.  He loves me just as I am.  He wants me just as I am.  It's up to Him to show me how to change; I don't have to change to get His favor.  I AM His Favor.  And so are you.

I read in one of my devotions this morning about ....  What if... you knew when you had a child, all the difficulties that they would endure - whether it be learning disabilities, choosing the wrong paths in life, rebellion.... if you knew all that before it all happened, and were given an eraser, a pen or pencil, what would you do with it?  I think most of us, our first thought would be to erase those times that they made the wrong choice.  We would want to write in their life what the right choice would be.  We would want to draw a line through those times that were difficult for them, and instead let their lives be smooth and clear.  But is that what we should do?  

What about the difficult times that cause them to cry out to Jesus for intervention?  The painful mourning times when they feel all alone and cry out to Jesus for comfort and peace?  What about those times when someone has hurt them and they are angry and bitter and unforgiving.... and then they realize that they are holding grudges that don't need to be held, that Jesus has forgiven them all the things they have done, He was wiped the slate clean by going to the cross and shedding His blood as our sacrifice..... Jesus is our Advocate for when things are done against us.  We are not to retaliate.  He knows how many times I have wanted to retaliate against someone who has hurt me, and yet, He shows me His nail-scarred hands, and I realize that He is my Advocate and will take care of any and every situation that comes against me.

But there are those times that each one of us, each one of our children, go through - whether mourning the death of a loved one and not understanding why God let them die after we prayed so diligently (been there on that one!) or struggling to understand why life has taken the turn it has.  Why has my job not been satisfying; why am I not being recognized for my efforts; why did they let me go?  We all have asked the question "Lord, where are YOU in this situation?"

And if we are still and quiet enough, He will answer.  He's right there.  He's right here.  He is right where we are, waiting for us to turn to Him and allow Him to love us, comfort us, and guide and direct us in our daily lives.  I get it, sometimes it is hard to ask Him; we think we can get by this day by ourselves.  Sometimes we choose to ignore the longing to just talk with Him.  But every morning, He is right there, waiting for each one of us, right where we are.

In fact, He is right here with me as I write this.  And He is right there with you as you read this.  All He wants is you.  He's waiting on you to tell Him what you need.  It doesn't mean we will always get what we want, but one thing I've always discovered, Jesus has always provided what I needed.

I have always had a roof over my head.  I have a job (granted, some don't, but who are you trusting in it?), I have friends, I have food to eat (way too much food!).  He takes care of me.  And He takes care of you.

Sit back in your chair and think about all that Jesus has given you.  You may not recognize them as from His hand, but they are.  Take a moment and just thank Him for providing for you.

Blessings!