As I've mentioned many times lately, I love my Sunday mornings when I can stay in here until about 10a if I want to. We go to church at the 12p service so don't usually leave here until 11:30-ish. We're about 6 minutes away from church. Long drive, right? Anyway, I do enjoy these mornings when I can read and not keep an eye on the clock; journal for as long as I want. And write in here, of course. I actually stopped my reading this morning to do this now, and then will get re-focused when finished.
I read the entire book of Colossians this morning. It has a lot of 'good stuff' in there. I read a book one time, actually I've read it several times, and I think it is called "What happens when women pray" by Evelyn Christenson. There was a book that a dear friend, Janie Forney, once recommended to me when I went to the altar one weekend up in Prescott at our Women's Retreat in my early years of becoming a Christian. I had so much to learn and I was so hungry to learn it! All I could think of was my failures, my sinfulness, the things I had done that I definitely should not have done. Ashamed always, I would run to the altar, sure that God could not forgive me for what I did, but desperately hoping that He would. I was reminded of Janie, and that book, as I read Colossians this morning. Especially chapter 3. After I had read her book, I didn't WANT to read Chapter 3 in Colossians! (Now you have to go read it to understand somewhat the why I didn't want to read it! LOL)
I had a lot of anger within me. I had a lot of disappointment. I had a lot of me that kept getting in the way of living the way I felt I should as a Christian. Me still gets in the way a lot of times, but I'm still learning how to give it to God and let Him change me. I definitely can not change on my own; I desperately need Him to change me. I'm learning to be more patient. I'm learning when I need to assert myself and not be so passive. For so many years I had to be the quiet one, the submissive one, because I thought that was what I was to be if I was a Christian. I've learned that being submissive and assertive are two different things, and it is ok if done the right way. I've tried hard to be what I thought I should be. And I've learned that all I was to be was His, and allow Him to work in me. It's not my choice on what needs to be changed in me; it is His choice to work on whatever area He chooses. And, yes, I still have lots that needs work on.
Digging through disappointment and the pain of disagreements has been difficult. I know I share way too much on this blog, and yet, just writing it in here, and reading what I write, is helpful at times. Many times I've had to go back and delete; go back and reword something, or just change it. Many of my 'hard times' is my own fault. When one doesn't know what they are capable of, they tend to step back and do nothing. Some of you may feel that as well, and understand fully what that statement means.
Changing subjects, I enjoyed my morning with my friends at Needles of Hope yesterday. My friend, Lori, brought a tub of 'end pieces' of yarn (meaning leftover from projects) and some sewing stuff that had been donated. As usual, I let the others take what they want, then I take whatever is left home with me. My baby blankets are usually of different colors so I just work them in different baby blankets. Saves me going out to buy yarn that I really don't have a place for - or need. My daughter gave me her yarn stash when she moved and it's still out in the garage. Maybe that will be a project for this afternoon - if I remember it - and that is try to bring some organization to my yarn stash. I have yarn here, there, and yonder.
I probably should have visited Ms. Vicky yesterday evening, but I just didn't want to. Could it be because hubby kept telling me I should go see her? He was watching the ball game (do you want to watch a movie? I'll turn this off. Don't you need to go see Vicky?) Don't tell me what to do!! So I didn't go, and will probably 'need' to go for an hour this afternoon. It's not that I mind going over, but it is boring after awhile; it's the same topics (HOA, her going to the pool, why don't I go to the pool with her...etc.) and after awhile, I'm just ready to leave. I still have not see Ms. Diane now in months. And I feel bad. She's not that far away - 12 minutes, I think - but it's getting in the car and going. I should.... and the guilt trips start. sigh.
Philippians 2:12 (NKJV): Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure.
Paul, in Philippians 2:12, does not say that we have to 'work out our own salvation'. God has already worked to make our salvation possible. Our role, as a Christian, is to work out what God has worked in by cultivating the characteristics of a godly life. When we are faithful to strive to walk as Jesus walked, it allows us to shine as lights in the world. The call to discipleship is costly at times. We need to let go of the world, and grab hold of what Christ has for us, even when we don't understand what it is.
Even after 40+ years of following Jesus, after reading my bible over and over every year, diving deep into other books to understand the will of God, I still have so much to learn! Lately I have learned more about the Sabbath and how important it is to step away from our phones, from some who distract us, step away from the TV and even our hobbies at times. Honoring the Sabbath is more than taking a Saturday or Sunday to sit around and watch movies, taking naps, working on hobbies. Honoring the Sabbath isn't just going to church one of those days. Honoring the Sabbath is being with family and friends, putting aside those things that distract us during the week, and focus upon people, and focus upon the One who made us in His image.
That's one reason I love Sunday mornings. I can spend more time reading my Bible, learning how I am to live for Him. I can read other books that help me to make the right choices, see things a different way. Sometimes I can be 'straight minded' in that I believe my way is the only way.... and yet, I can read a book that will give me another viewpoint that I may not have thought about. The Bible always, always, rules, of course. No matter what the world says, the Bible stands firm. I base my faith on Jesus Christ and I stand on the Bible as my directions on how to live for Him alone.
Living for Jesus does have its perks. But there is always conflict as the devil is always trying to speak into your ear that you 'don't have to do that' or 'what the Bible says, well, that was in the olden times and doesn't apply now'... or Satan will try to tell you that you are unforgiveable. Trust me, he tells me that all the time. But Jesus says, I am forgiven. Jesus says I am redeemed. Jesus says I am loved. And if Jesus says it, then it is TRUE.
Reminds me of the movie Overcomer by the Kendrick Brothers. It's about a young girl who is a runner... and the coach 'just happens' to accidently find a man who used to be a runner when he went to the hospital to visit someone else.... and I'm not going to mess up the story. But this young girl was asked the question "Who are you?". At the time she couldn't answer. But as she dove into her Bible, she discovered who she was, and her response is worth watching the movie. I love it. Maybe I can get hubby to watch it this afternoon. Who are you? More than anything else, more than life itself, I am His.
May the Lord bless you and keep you. May He turn His face to you and look upon you. May He grant you the pleasure of His company. May He lift you up. May He bring you healing in heart and body and mind. May He bring you joy.
Blessings!
