I have one granddaughter that I don't have much contact with as she lives in another state, and I have no idea what to send her and her little family for Christmas. I think the problem is that whatever I send, I feel like it is not enough. I've sent one small thing; perhaps I should let it go at that. I know the past two years she has sent us very nice gifts that I've hung on the wall. Is that why I feel guilty for not spending as much on them? I thought I'd send gift cards - I sent cash last year. I've sent a Danish to them this year already; and since I really do want to cut back; shall I let that be it? I've looked on Amazon and elsewhere this morning to figure out something, but I don't know any sizes, I don't know any likes or wants, I haven't talked to them since they were here last. Maybe I need to just let it go. Quit feeling guilty.
Yesterday went well at the RV park, and afterwards we did go to the Salvation Army church as well. We went to lunch with our friends and had a great visit. After we came home, instead of taking a nap which did sound good, I got busy and made about 14 pints of salsa. Yes, I'm making smaller jars this year. I have given all the grandchildren the recipe and they can make their own. But I just couldn't NOT make it for them this year. I may need to make another batch or two, and will, but at least I've gotten a good start. Besides, I need to take some to the office this Thursday when I go down for the Christmas party. I have given up on the sausage and chocolate covered cherries. It's just gotten too expensive. I still want to buy the ham from 'grandma Hankins' - but I may need to let that go this year as well. Grandma started sending me $5 to buy a ham for each of my children. I take that $15 and more to buy one ham anymore. Times three it is getting expensive. Will figure it out. I don't know if I did it last year or not... the mind is the first to go they say....
Confirmed the two dates I have for the children and their families thus far - the oldest will come over for lunch on the 21st; she will let me know today what they want for lunch. What is good is that the grandson is driving in the day before so that he can be a part of our Christmas before heading back home to have Christmas with his wife.
The youngest child and his family is scheduled for the 30th, but at this time we are uncertain if lunch of dinner. Not a big deal for me. He suggested to have 'garbage' as it will be the easiest for me to make for either time, as it is cooked when it is put together; all we would have to do is heat it up. Depends on what happens between the mother of the great-grandchildren - if she chooses to see them that week. If not, we can do lunch. If she does come down, it will be for dinner. Either time is fine with me. We are still uncertain about the future of the children, but I think I have the son assured that it will all work out; to not stress and be upset about it. Let happen what will happen without all the stress that can be put into it. God is still in charge and after hearing this little girl pray the other day at the wishing tree, I'm asking God to answer her prayer..... but it will be in His time frame, not mine.
I am sure the oldest son will find out this week what will be decided for his family. I know it is hard because of our daughter-in-love's job and needing to work specific days. It's also hard because he has family members that live in another city, other family members that work night jobs. It's all good. We are flexible this year.
And you know why? Because God. Five years ago I think it would break my heart to not have each family member here either Christmas Eve or Christmas day. It would be unheard of not to come to 'Grandma's House' on the designated day. My children know I love them. I know I am loved by them. I don't have to have them cater to me to prove their love. God has worked on me a lot over the years, and unfortunately, may still have a lot to work on within me. But He is the One who made me realize that it is ok not to do Christmas on 'the day'. I sometimes stress myself with starting to prepare meals, keeping an eye out for anyone arriving, and when they are here, I can't always enjoy the moment as some are thinking of where they have to go next and I'm wondering how long they can stay or when are they leaving so I can cover for the next group. I feel it is tiring for them - and although I love cooking and preparing and making everything - I must admit I am not as young and 'spry' as I used to be.
I have learned to 'let go' and 'let God' take care of all the arrangements. I think it releases stress I place on my children to be with me, and in turn it releases their children to enjoy the holiday more. I'm ok with spreading out Christmas. Besides, that means I can focus on each family rather than rushing through one group to the next. I'm actually happy about how things are being planned. We are still included with their family; we get to see them all at one time. And we get to enjoy them. I am at peace. And for me, that is important.
I'm definitely grateful to God that I do not have to drive down to the office today. Even in the mundane parts of the day, He knows and hears our prayers. He knew I would go if I 'had to', but He also knew I didn't 'want to' do that drive today. I will need to be on the computer all day as a backup for the powerpoints - but I don't have to take them over; unless the president's EA finds a reason she can't do one of them. I'm not in the final preparation phases of these town halls and I get a bit anxious about them because I don't know all the plans and decisions made on presentations. God works all things for His good - and for my good. Grateful and thankful.
I Thessalonians 5:18 (NKJV): In everything give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
It doesn't matter whether it is good or bad, in everything we are to give thanks to God. Why? Because He will take even what we consider 'bad' and turn it into good. We may not understand at the time, we may even be frustrated over the delay. But when we give Him thanks for what is, He is glorified and blessed.
I think back to the one year that I had as 'retirement' when I took early retirement from one company. I had laughed and said it may be the only retirement year I get - and it looks like I may be right - at least for awhile. And you know what? As much as I would like to NOT work, I need this job to keep my sanity. Yes, I have hobbies and things I like to do, and have plenty of supplies to work with should I 'retire'. COVID really messed life up for everyone. But I'm working from home; I do not have that long drive and have to drive downtown (where they moved us) in so much traffic. I am permanently working from home. Yeah, I find it difficult at times for I miss my social activities, but I live in jeans and t-shirts and if I need to get away from the computer for an appointment, I can do so easily and not have to take the day off work because I would need to go to the doctor.
Yes, I have lots of things I NEED to do (yeah, the clutter) and WANT to do (make more blankets and quilts and learn how to do things; bake more, cook more, entertain more..... but, working also gives me freedom with 'my' finances. I have spent way more than I should have this year - but you know what? I don't care. I didn't go into debt; everything is paid for. God has blessed us and provides all that we need. I want to bless our family and friends in return. Next year I will cut back. I know, I've said it before. But I'm going to figure out what to make for each one as the year goes by; get it done, and finish the gift with a gift card. I quit shopping (except for trying to figure out the one granddaughter) a week ago. I haven't tried to find 'one more thing' for anyone. I just quit. I over-bought and I will pack those away for another year or if I hear of a family in need of hoodies, I can pass them on. God will take what I have and use it; He will let me know for whom it is for.
I'm now focusing on meals and what to fix. Want to make sure I have everything to prepare it. I plan to enjoy this season of having my family near and celebrating this season. And on Christmas Day, I can focus on the REASON for the season. Novel thought, isn't it? I tried to read the 'Christmas story' when I do my quiet time on Christmas morning.... but my thoughts are on what I need to get done. This year, we will have the day to ourselves pretty much... and that's ok.
Jesus is the REASON for the season. Let's keep our eyes on Him. Thank You, Jesus, for coming to earth, to save someone like me, that I can live with you eternally. I love you.
Blessings!
