I've talked about my weight struggles many, many times over the years. Many times doing this diet fad or that diet fad.... and just as easily as I went on them, I fell off of them. I am responsible for every pound lost - and every pound gained. This year I hit my all time high - and I was never pregnant to get there! That is a sad realization! I have continued to be so consumed (at times) with my weight that I either say 'the heck with it - I'm eating that ice cream!' or 'whine..... I can't eat that cause just looking at it gains five pounds!' Oh, woe is me, right? Absolutely not.
I think I've mentioned it before and I truly wish I could find it, but about 30 years or so ago my daughter-in-law, during one of my struggles with weight, gave me a pin that read "You are not what you weigh". I have never forgotten it. Silly, isn't it, that a pin handed to me years ago would still be in my mind. But it has been for years. I have to keep repeating that to myself at times. Yesterday was one of those days.
I had gone to David's Bridal a few weeks ago and tried on dresses. I tried on this one and it fit fairly well, but was too expensive for 'grandmother of the groom' to wear, I felt. It wasn't one I would ever wear again, I am pretty sure. So I remembered that size and in my continued search for a dress for the upcoming wedding, I took to David's Bridal website. I found one, similar to what I had worn to my granddaughter's wedding last year, and bought it in the size I had tried on. Silly me, thinking it would fit. I haven't bought a dress for about 3 years, because I haven't been going to the office. Last time I bought a dress it was a size 12 or Large. Maybe a 14 depending on its style. I ordered a 14 from the website. It arrived. I tried it on yesterday morning and it fit ...... like a size 18 on this body.... tea length hit the floor, bodice way lower than the photo. Yeah... it was going back.
Great customer service from David's Bridal! I text'd the number they had on the original email and they responded quickly. Throughout the next hour I was asked questions and I responded. By the time we were done, I was advised I could take it back to a store here, or mail it back to their warehouse at my cost. If I wanted them to send me a smaller size dress, they would give me another 10% discount. Tempting...I almost did it. But, no, I will have to try on whatever I get. (I still have a dress I bought via Macy's if I run out of time; it can be easily altered) So at the end of my work day, I headed the few miles to the store and took it in with all the paperwork I had. Again customer service excelled. They took the dress and said a refund would be sent as soon as the warehouse received the dress (wherever that is). No problem; I have all I needed to follow up. This morning, in my emails, is a notice that a refund has already been put back in my bank account. Yahoo!
So where am I going with this five paragraph rambling explanation? On my way to the bridal shop I began to berate myself because I am so difficult to find a dress to fit the way I want it to. Yes, I'm 'dieting' again (somewhat) - I haven't eaten any chocolate in three weeks!! No - I'm not fasting for lent and giving up food. (I gave up facebook, linked in and instagram instead) But I am watching what and how much I eat and I have lost a couple pounds, I think. But, the realization of 'it isn't going to happen if I don't make it happen' sunk in. I talk about watching my food intake and what and how much... and that is a good thing. I need good food to keep my mind clear and my body feeling good. But I need to exercise, even if only walking around the block. I need to quit making excuses and blaming 'others' for why I'm not doing it.
Losing weight is NOT going to happen; getting this body in shape is NOT going to happen... if I do not take care of it. I need to lose 50 pounds (do you ever get tired of seeing the doctor put 'obese' on your records? That has disturbed me for many years!) but I'll settle for a loss of 20 pounds for now, but it isn't going to happen unless I decrease the food calories and type of food, and increase body movement. Sigh. It's a vicious circle, isn't it? It really sunk in as I drove to the store... it will only happen if I make it happen. It's up to ME, not anyone else. Watching my food intake helps, but exercise makes it happen.
Ok - enough of that rambling. Sorry if I bored you to death, but it is on my mind this morning. Perhaps it is so that I will find the time to get on the trampoline or treadmill or go for a walk. I belong the the rec centers here that we pay for (mandatory) so I need to suck it up and just go - right?! Enough, enough, enough!
Hubby just left to head over for a bone density scan. Not sure what it is exactly he is getting.... he goes this morning to have a dye inserted.... then goes back this afternoon for an actual test. He's concerned, obviously. But this test will determine if he will need to take other measures. Still waiting on approval from the insurance company on a CT scan to check on his aneurysm... the doctor has appealed.
It's hard getting older, ya know? Grateful (as far as I know) I don't have a lot of medical issues to face. I know many that do, even younger than me. Heck, I fought the doctor assigning me simvastatin for cholesterol (and it wasn't even that high - like about 217, maybe. But, I was 'reassured' it was hereditary and they only gave me 10 mg... or is it mcg... anyway - a small dose - and it dropped it to 147. I had joked that taking the pill meant I could eat what I wanted cause I had a pill to keep it low. That didn't go over very well. It was a joke - not a statement!!
I saw there is a new movie coming out that I may actually want to go see - "His Only Son". It's the story of Abraham (and Isaac). Looks like it will be very good. And I head that "Chosen" season three can now be streamed on the Angel Studio channel on TV. Guess we will watch that this weekend - we've watched seasons one and two. It's really good.
And, now I see I have a long, rambling, blog this morning. Do I need to apologize for that? It's time for me to get off now and turn the work computer on.
I may not have time to write in here until late tomorrow.... have to be at the outpatient surgery center at 6:30AM ..... will need to leave here about 5:45AM I'm guessing, to ensure we are there in time. I always like to be a little early. I expect to be back home by 9AM or so... but I imagine I will go back to sleep for a long nap, thanks to the anesthesia. I'm actually looking forward to that - I have an excuse to sleep in the daytime!
So - with that - I'm shutting my computer off. Have a blessed day!
Blessings!
