For some reason I cannot get myself to wake up this morning. I have fallen asleep twice, just by closing my eyes and well, next thing I know, minutes have slipped by when I should have been reading. My typing fingers aren't doing so well this morning either, and the letters are either running together or the wrong one is jumping in there. What is going on?!
Just glanced at my emails. Ah... another letter from my little sister. I can't respond. It wasn't a nice letter and I cannot respond and I will not defend myself. I don't need to. LOL She has become our older sister, something that she always said she didn't want to be. Can you believe she has brought up things from when our mother died? Seriously? Has she been thinking about these things all these years? Mother died in 2004. Wow.
I believe that as Christians we are taught to forgive. True, doesn't mean we will forget what happened. I haven't forgotten those things she brought up... but ironically, those things that didn't happen to her, but to me, why is it important to bring up? I choose to forgive and continue to live my life free of stress, worry, and anxiety. Yes, I get hurt by people. Sometimes the pain is so bad I can't even breathe. I've shared those times with you. But I get over it. I may be cautious sometimes about those relationships, but I still allow them back in my life, if they choose.
A friend I have at work is a prime example. I helped her get the job she wanted. We were good 'friends' and talked frequently. Then one day as we were talking over lunch, she mentioned she had Budda statues and paintings in her house, because she loved the 'big baby' look. I was shocked! This woman confessed to love Jesus, but had these things in her home? Before I could stop myself (and I shouldn't have!) I admonished her about having idols in her home. She argued that she just liked the paintings and statues. I reminded her that they are idols and we are not have no idols before us. Ever. Nothing more was said after that conversation, but all of a sudden, she was spreading lies about me, saying that she tried to show me how to do things and I would tell her I didn't want to know how, that I wasn't going to do it. It got back to me via my boss. It took me a long time to figure out where the root of her lies came from. It came back to this conversation.
It wasn't long before her husband collapsed at work and was in the hospital for several months and I don't know if they ever found out why. I gave her a prayer shawl and prayed with her for her husband and told her I would continue to pray for him. Then she started having heart issues and had to take a years' leave of absence. She's back now - and for some reason, we are great friends again. She had asked me questions about Jesus about a year ago now and I sent her some books. Now she is always telling me that I 'helped a soul who was searching to have a close relationship with Jesus find her way'. It isn't about me. It's about a child of God searching for Him.
I love how God took a situation like that and turned it around for His glory. If He took that situation and allowed me to be used to show someone how loving and kind He is, how forgiving, I'm all for it. Her words had hurt me, but I forgave and didn't retaliate. And I am thinking I need to do the same here. My sister blames me for her not having a relationship with our big brother. It has never been about me. It's the things she did to him, but it is easier to blame me rather than own up to one's own issues. And that's ok. I just don't need to respond to them when it is in attack mode.
I'm guessing the boxes she sent me will arrive this week. She did thank me for sending $$ to pay for the shipping. But I have no idea what she sent other than the quilt she claims "I threw at her" but she forgets I have a witness that I did not throw it at her, I tossed it on the washer if I remember right. I'll give this attitude a few more weeks, or even months, and she will come back around. I'll pretend I didn't get this hateful email.... and when the boxes arrive I will tell her I have received them and thank her for sending. And then it is back in her corner.
You've seen that meme I'm sure on Facebook about "When someone tells you not to drink coffee, get them out of your life as you don't need that kind of negativity" - I know I said it wrong - but you get the jest of it, I'm sure. I've allowed my sister to .... well, enough of that. Not going there. Denial? No, self-preservation.
Today is Monday and of course I am back at work. My boss is still back east but is working today. She comes back into town next weekend. She has been working three days and PTO two days the past three weeks. I think we are meeting up with another mutual friend on the 23rd so I'll get to see her then. But today, I have an 8AM meeting with her to just catch up on things. It feels like she has been gone forever.
And I need to get myself pulled together, get dressed and get my work computer turned on. It's been difficult lately cause I've really wanted to quit work soon. I'm tired. But, then, there are days I am grateful for these work days because if our weekends are any sign of what my life would be like, it would be b-o-r-i-n-g with sitting at home all the time. Roadtrips are out of the question. I don't want long trips with hubby. Hotel bills are expensive. We could make it without this salary, but lots of things would change. So, until I hear clearly from God that I am to quit work, or something happens that allows it, I guess I need to change my attitude and be grateful I have a job that pays me well and I can stay home and work.
Philippians 4:8 (NKJV): "Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy - meditate on these things."
So, today, I choose to think on good things, not the bad. I choose to keep my eyes on Jesus, and not on words spoken in anger. I choose to live life, and not allow anger to kill me.
I choose life. What about you? Think about those things .... are they noble? Just? Pure? Lovely? of Good Report? Is there any virtue in the things you have on your mind? Is there anything praiseworthy? If not, then perhaps you need to let it go. Sometimes letting go can change your whole world.
Blessings!
