I mentioned a few days ago that I was struggling with something. As I always do, each morning I read my Bible. Now I have read through my bible numerous times. Different versions, even. I love the time I can spend reading my Bible. And each time I read in Ephesians or Colossians or even Philippians or Galatians.... I get convicted over something. This time it was (again) (and again), in Ephesians 5. I really have struggled with this for some time.
And, because I want to obey God and His Word, I am taking steps to obey what it says....even though inside I am screaming "NNNNOOOOOOO!!!!!!".
Ephesians 5:22-32 (NKJV): Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved he church and gave Himself for her that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
Most of you know how I have had to deal with this issue for years. My hair. The length of it. The color has never really been an issue; it's always the length. It was shoulder length when I married hubby. I've let it grow out to the middle of my back (in the midst of many, many comments), and I've had it cut extremely short. Hubby has constantly, especially in these latter years, commented on the length of my hair. He likes it short.
Finally, after all these years, I confronted him as we came back from vacation as to 'what is it about my hair that you constantly want it cut short?' His response? "Because I think you look younger and more beautiful with it short. My favorite photos of you are with short hair." (how can I argue with that?)
His first wife had extremely short hair and I mentioned to him that every time he confronted me about the length of my hair, it made me think he wanted me to wear my hair like her. (Ok, that might be far-fetched, but I wanted him to see how it could affect me) He was shocked that I even thought anything like that! He just thought I was 'more beautiful' and 'younger looking' with short hair.
And then I read Ephesians 5 after that conversation...... and I have struggled all week about it. I know some of my children and grandchildren don't care one way or the other. Some are very vocal about letting me have my hair the way I want it. But in reality, I don't know how to fix my hair when it is this long. It is straight. My hair has always been extremely straight. And now, it has started thinning on the top and on the sides. The length of my hair, I'm sure, is not helping in that area. It's probably about 6" below the shoulders.
It was a joke the other day, and I'm just throwing this in.... my daughter commented the other day that I really needed to get my bangs cut the way they should be, that I should go see Joe, who has cut my hair for over 20 years. I told her I didn't dare! Joe told me NOT to get bangs as I have a really bad cowlick in the hairline and I can't keep bangs; they part. Joe also told me NOT to color my hair. I've done both. She laughed and said "You are afraid of Joe!" And I responded "Yes I am!" LOL
But, because I have been so convicted and I've struggled so much with this, I have decided to cut my hair. I txt'd Joe a long note this morning and confessed the bangs and hair color and told him I'd explain when I saw him. I doubt if I can, but I asked if I could possibly get in today between 1 and 4, as I have a 5PM hair color touch-up at Ulta today. And, if not, one evening next week or even next Saturday morning. I haven't heard back yet. I'm not getting it cut 'short', but perhaps mid-neck length or even shoulder length (take off about 6 inches). I'm compromising at this point, right? I will eventually get back to shorter hair, I'm sure, but for now, I need the bulk off and the ability to do something with it. And I will discuss with Joe about the color. I may have a complete 'do-over' before this is all said and done. I do want to go lighter as I think this dark brown is too dark for my skin tone now, although in my younger years, my hair was so dark people thought it was black.
I was even rationalizing it with God this morning.... "if Joe can get me in today, I'll get it cut. But if he can't, then I don't have to, right?" LOL You can't bargain with God. It's either 'all in' or not at all. You can't put a toe in the water and expect it to remain dry because the rest of your body is.
I want to be 'all in' for Jesus. And that means obedience to His Word. It isn't that hubby is demanding I cut my hair short. He never has 'demanded' it. But he has frequently (to my dismay) voiced his opinion on it being short. But he never really had told me why, until I actually asked him on our way back from Payson. What was the why.... and now I know.
And last night, as I was visiting Ms. Diane, I talked with her about it and my anguish (it is really just my stubbornness to not give in to him!!) and pulled my hair up and away from my neck. I showed her photos of when my hair was shorter, and I asked her opinion. And she gave it. Her response? "Cut it". So there you have it. I have an unbiased opinion of someone who, although she does have short hair, is thinking how I look, and not encourage me to stand up to hubby's desire for me to have short hair.
Whew - this is a long one - and it's all about me and my hair! Still waiting to hear back from Joe. Hubby has a hair cut appointment with him today around 11-ish and I've pleaded with Joe not to mention any of this to hubby when he sees him. I trust him. Besides, hubby would tell me, for sure in some way, if he does tell.
Bottom line, it's all about Jesus and being obedient to Him in ALL things. Do I still slip up? Yeah. I'm not perfect by any means. But I love Jesus more than my life. My hair is just hair, and God can make it grow - or fall out. I'm in His hands, which is where I always want to be.
Blessings!
