Only one remembered....

 which I think is funny.  No, I didn't post anything on Facebook or send out any 'notices'.... but yesterday was our 43rd anniversary - and only my oldest son commented.  Not that anniversaries are to be remembered by anyone other than the couple.... just don't forget my birthday!  In fact, hubby asked me last night which one did I want celebrated more (duh, he really did ask!) - our anniversary, or my birthday.  Seriously.  That is a real question?  Is it a trick question?  Of course I told him my birthday!  It's all about me!  LOL  

And in my mind, that began to raise questions.  Questions such as.... has he not saved enough money to cover our 'anniversary expenses' as he has in the past?  I checked his savings account this morning, and no, there isn't enough there.  But I do know he has drawn out some over the past few months too. But I don't question him.  It's 'whatever'.  I use my own account.  And he does pay his own medical co-pays and medical bills and prescriptions.  Carry on... right?

When I got ready to go for my training last night I paused to ask if he planned to go and ride the bike.  An empathic 'NO'.  (is empathic the right word?)  It was a loud, firm 'NO'.  Then he says, "I want to talk with you about something I've been thinking about."  Ok..... but I was rushing to get out the door - he follows me to the kitchen wanting to know why I'm not sitting down to listen to him. I explained - it was 4:05PM and my training was at 4:30PM and I needed to get moving.  He was thinking it was at 5PM and I had time to listen to him.  "Well," he says, "I guess I'll wait until you get back."

So in my mind I am pondering all sorts of scenarios as to what could he be talking about.  I got my hopes up that he would say something about canceling our trip next week.  I really don't want to go.  Was he pondering about quitting his training... he was in a very grumpy mood the other morning, Morgan said. She had to 'get all over him' about his negativity.  And I was angry with him.  Or was it just irritated?  As I was leaving he also said when I got back we will go out to eat.  Ok, fine.  All this conversation within the few minutes before I got out the door.

So since I had HIIT last night, I told Morgan to make sure I could slam a ball.  And she did.  LOL  I had a 35 lb kettle bell that I had to hold on to and go down to my knees and back up again, then pick up the bell and jump. Then it was pushing a 25 pound weight down the aisle (it stays on the floor) and a 35 pound weight back.  Then a Bosu ball I had to hold on and jump back twice, then pick it up over my head.  Then the best part.  I got to slam a ball to the floor and then throw it into a side trampoline and catch it, and slam it again.  It didn't take long for me to be exhausted.  I really do not like pushing those weights on all fours. But I 'got it out of my system'.  And, when I got back home - we went to Sardellas for pizza.  

And, he told me what he had been thinking.  I could hardly wait.  It was nothing like I had (hoped) imagined.  He had been thinking about the trip to Payson and was concerned if I could drive that winding road.  Rolling my eyes here.  He wants to drive.  I reminded him that two years ago I did drive it, and even further, when we stayed in Star Valley.  Oh yeah, then he remembered.  Do I really want to drive?  No, I don't.  But I would rather drive and know I can get there and not be nervous about his driving. And, I plan to stop at White Castle on the way back home. :-) My sister sent me a $15 gift card for White Castle and it's burning a hole in my pocket, you know what I mean.  

Tomorrow is my sister's 70th birthday and she is driving her family crazy.  She finally admitted it.  She is a control freak.  She has to control everything.  The boys were having food catered to her house and it would be 'come and go' for any friends.  She decided yesterday that she didn't want that and text'd her son she wanted to go to a Mexican restaurant because she wanted a margarita on her birthday.  He even told her that things were in place already. But, she has insisted.  I have no idea what it will end up being - and am glad that I didn't try to go back. I really got after her about messing it all up.  I am happy when my children do anything for me; I don't try to dissuade them from surprising me with a party and I don't need to tell them HOW to do it or WHERE to do it.  My kids have surprised me both times I've had a party.  Oh - the reason she told me she wants to go to a Mexican restaurant - other than the margarita?  She doesn't want to 'deep clean' her house.   Rolling my eyes.  My house is me. My kids have seen it at its worst... they've yet to see it at its best.  And then she admitted it is all about control.  I gave her what-for but it did no good.

Well, seeing what is at the post tonight, we will not be going.  I am not comfortable with the post in which 'magic' - which by itself is ok in most cases - but the things 'supporting' that magic... I don't want in my life and I choose not to open that door.  Steak sounded good, but I do have a tomahawk steak in the freezer that I can thaw out and cook for us tonight and we can still have steak.  I wonder if there is a time for that 'magic' - and what is 'desert demon'?  I'm not into evil and demons and I don't think God would want me there.  I think it is best we just don't go.

Romans 14:8 (NKJV):  For if we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. Therefore, whether we live or die, we are the Lord's.

I've been reading a lot lately about the fear of the Lord.  I'm not sure I am understanding it, because I'm not afraid of the Lord, because I belong to Him.  But it brought back to mind a time when my oldest granddaughter was about 4-5 years old and I was terrified something would happen to her.  My son didn't live in a very good neighborhood and he was involved in things he shouldn't have been... and my imagination ran wild as to protection for my granddaughter.  I prayed constantly for her safety.  One morning I was praying intensely for her safety.  After I got ready for work I started backing out of the driveway (I know I have shared this story before).... and I heard God say to me, "Give her to me."  

I was startled - how could God ask me to give her to Him?  She was MY granddaughter!!  I just wanted him to watch over her and keep her safe!  He waited.  I stopped the car in the driveway and held up my hand, squeezing it as tightly as I could.  And I told God, "here she is, she is Yours. I give her to You."  As I released my hand and opened it up to God, the tingling in my hand started, and I knew that He accepted my offering of my granddaughter to Him.  From that moment on I never feared for her safety.  I still prayed over her, of course, but the fear I had was gone.

Sometimes we fear what man could do to us... but what we should fear is God, for He has the ability to throw us in hell or release us in heaven.  I've read enough stories of people who God took to hell to show them something... that I know that is not a place I want to go, and that is why I pray so intently for my children, my grandchildren, and now my great-grandchildren.  Life is short.  We can not measure one day of our lives.  I can get up from this chair - and die right now.  And so can you.  Where will we go?  Many laugh and say they are going to hell and they don't care.  That scares me more than anything; to be so calloused that you do not want to spend eternity in God's presence; to be with those you love in peace.... and instead choose to be burning constantly.  

I read a book one time about a young couple.  She became a Christian. He rejected God.  All throughout the book, he rejected God, made fun of his wife for loving Jesus.  He developed cancer, if I recall correctly, and even as he laid dying in the hospital bed, and the demons came down the hall and into his room to get his soul, he continued to reject God.  Who, in their right mind would do that?  God has the ability to save you.  

Live for Jesus... He is the only one that matters.  If I live, or if I die, I belong to Him.  

Blessings!

Take time to be thankful

 We all tend to get so busy with 'life' that we forget to be thankful for what we have.  Do you agree with that statement?  Think about it.  When was the last time you thanked God for providing for you?  When was the last time you thanked your spouse for being there for you when you needed them?  When was the last time.... well,  you can fill in the blank.  Today is about being thankful - it's Thanksgiving!  And soon the 'giving Sunday; the giving Tuesday' or whatever day it's going to be - will happen.  People may depend on those days... but I doubt if any of us are 'thankful' for them. LOL Why did that come to mind?  I had a couple for 'Giving Sunday' in my email this morning!  And no, I don't necessarily 'give' on those days.  (Don't tell me what to do!!).  If I want to donate to a charity, I will do it regardless of what day it is.  I suppose for some people it just needs to be a reminder.  I have gotten selective over the years to whom I donate to.  Sure, we wish we had money galore that we could donate to any and everyone needy - but unfortunately, that is not the case.  We donate where we can, and what we can to whom we choose.  And we are thankful that we are able to give to others in need.  God has been good to us.

My mind seems to be all over the place this morning already.  I got up at 4AM because I wanted to spend time in here without rushing, and I still need to leave 'early' so that I can get my large roasting pan out of the cabinet in the garage (should have done it last night - and didn't) and get it ready for the turkey - and get the turkey ready to be put into it.  Then it's just waiting on that one!  Once it is on, the rest is a 'piece of cake' to pull together.  My son will be here between 9:30-10AM he said to start on his dessert.  I didn't buy any other dessert - we can enjoy his!  I made the deviled eggs yesterday so they just need to be put together and on a dish, which can be done later.  I will peel potatoes once the turkey is on and get it ready to go on the stove.  I probably should write down a list of what we are having; it seems I always forget something until we are eating - or afterwards!  Looking forward to having this family over and being a part of their lives.

Hubby said something to me last night that I will admit - it hurt.  It truly caught me off guard.  I didn't argue with him, I just shut up.  Yes, there were comebacks I wanted to throw back at him in my defense, but I did not.  But his comment stung.  As I share this, I am working through his comment; not to put him down, but I need to get it 'out there' to open my eyes to see what is true or not.  After working out we went to Kneaders nearby; hubby insisted on driving last night to the gym (usually he has me drive) so I told him he had to choose.  Good choice, although they didn't have my fudge brownies.  We both got a salad and went to sit down.  I don't even remember what was said by hubby, but it was something that hit me wrong, and I looked out the window and said "I don't want to be here; let's go home."  He retorted that we had placed the order and we were staying  - and here's the part that stung - "You are too controlling and someone told me recently that you are controlling, and I am not going to tell you who it was!"  I was so caught off guard by that comment that I shut down.  Devastated that someone would say that about me; that he would say that about me.

So I have pondered since that time, am I controlling?  I've asked God to reveal to me the areas in which I do that.  I know that in some areas I may seem 'controlling' because someone must make a decision and go with it - and that is usually me in some areas.  In my mind I want to scream at him that if I am controlling, I would have told him to get off his lazy butt and get a job 17 years ago when he refused to work because he was 70.  So here I am at 75 and he refuses to allow me to even entertain retirement!  I want to remind him that if I was controlling that I would demand the checkbook back from him - the one I threw at him when he refused to work and told him to figure out how to pay the bills (and that is when I got my own checking account cause I couldn't trust him to pay my bills on time).  But I'm the one who is controlling?   Ok - I'm stopping on this subject... but it still stings and hurts what he said. He asked later last night if we could call a 'truce' - I'm not sure what that was to be a truce about; I just wasn't talking.  If he asked a question, I responded.  But I was depleted of any emotion.  I went to bed at 7:30PM as I felt exhausted.  But he had to turn the bed down for me first.  (now who is controlling?)  I know that at some point when he begins to give me his 'opinions' of how things should be, I will let loose with a 'now who is trying to be controlling' and start an argument about it.  Sigh.  My life in a nutshell.  (erase erase)  I'm trusting God, and allowing God, to have control over my tongue and attitude.  I certainly can't do it by myself!  

I went through a box of decorations yesterday afternoon and laid some on the kitchen table.  I was asked "why are these on the table?"  To which I responded "Because I haven't put them somewhere else yet."  Of course I am the smart alec.  Does it really matter? we were going out, not eating at the table.  Yeah, I need to move those this morning as well.  Did get the majority of the boxes taken to the garage.  Yeah, the decorating and all is my job unless he wants to interfere (remember the putting up of the Christmas tree?) and 'help'.  I recently told him he better hope I don't die first for he won't have a clue what to do about anything. 

My daughter and family made it to New Mexico yesterday in good time.  Grateful and thankful they arrived safely.  Still am glad we opted not to make the trip (could that be what I'm controlling about? That I felt we shouldn't go sit in a car for 10 hours one way so that hubby won't be restricted due to the shunt in his leg? Is it MY controlling attitude that said no?)  I still think it was a wise decision to stay home - and because we are, I get to spend the day with my oldest son and his family, which we haven't done in a long time.  I think I'm a winner.

Colossians 3:15 (NKJV):  And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which you also were called in one body, and be thankful.

Take some time this morning and think about what you are thankful for.  You awoke this morning, right?  Be thankful.  You got a cup of coffee or water to drink.  Be thankful.  You have family or friends to see today.  Be thankful.  Your car starts.  Be thankful.  There will be plenty of food to eat - and leftovers!  Be thankful.  There are so many things that we can be thankful for.  But the most important to be thankful for is that God loves us so much that He gave His one and only Son to be our sacrifice, that Jesus would take all the sins in our lives and nail them to the cross.  And even better, they remember them no more.  No matter if we ask forgiveness, and they come back to our minds, God has forgiven and remembers them no more - as far as the east is from the west.  

Thankful to the One who rescued me from my pits of despair and continuously draws me to Him.  I will be forever grateful and thankful to God, my Father, to Jesus, my Brother, and to the Holy Spirit, my Comforter.

Peace to you; may your blessings overflow today.