Tuesday and back to work day!

 Sigh.  Some leadership just will not take a day off even when it is handed to them!  I glanced at emails yesterday morning and there were 5 in my work inbox.  By last night there were 25.  I did see one from my male boss asking me a question - and he was supposed to be camping with his family!!  I did not open it, I didn't respond to it.  I WAS taking the holiday off!  But, will need to face all the emails this morning. That's my job.  But for right now, my time is mine.  At least for another hour.

Yesterday was a good day.  I did my workout and my trainer, Morgan, put me through the wringer.  As usual.  She started me off on the machine that almost brought me to tears the other week. But, I got through it and we moved on.  She was tough, for sure.  I go back tomorrow and we will work on core. I think I'm finally figuring out her workouts.  The first one in the week is always going to be legs.  Good thing - it also affects my butt and hopefully, in time, it will begin to shrink.  The second workout of the week is what she alternates.  But it shows that that with Morgan, it shot up 3 pounds.  Which tells me that Trayden gave in at times too many times to my whining and didn't push me to do more.  Morgan brings me to tears.  Not because it hurts, but because I lose my strength no matter how hard I try to get it done. I was glad to see the muscle.  Now to change my diet around and start eating better - and less.

After my workout we came home and got things together to head to the daughter's.  Food was great; the potato salad went over well.  I had to keep some here at home for hubby, and I did put some in a throwaway container and after we got back took up to the lovely DIL as she had to work yesterday, to take home to my son.  I hope she remembered it.  And left him some. I told her she could eat some before going home. :-)  I hope he enjoys it.  All that I took was nearly eaten. I told my daughter she and the granddaughter could split what was left, but she informed me she wasn't sharing it; it was hers, and promptly put in a container and in her refrigerator.  I love it that the kids like some foods that I make.  All they have to do is ask and I'll make it for them.

I did get out in the pool with my daughter and granddaughter for about an hour.  They had bought me a special raft so I got to sit back and enjoy the pool.  It was restful and relaxing.  Getting out, we soon headed back home and I had time to run the potato salad up to my lovely DIL.  Hubby watched the news on TV (well, he slept an hour through it), then turned it off.  I tried to read but my eyes kept closing - so I went to bed about 7:30PM!  Hubby wasn't happy about it; it left him up alone.  I woke up at 8PM, but went back to sleep and other than his tossing and turning waking me up during the night, I did sleep until 4:30AM and got up.  I've been taking my watch off at night to charge, rather than charge it while I'm in her doing my quiet time.  It has my alarm on it - and since I have it and my phone in another room (in here), I don't hear the alarm when it goes off.  And that's ok. Waking up when I wake up is a good thing. It gives my body that little more of rest that I need.  

It is barely getting light out and the neighbors are already out doing stuff - they may be getting ready to go on a morning walk. They have a small dog so are probably walking it.  I have mentioned numerous times I'd love a small dog.  Surprisingly, hubby commented the last time I did that I would have to be the one to walk it.  I laughed.  I was the one to walk Sheeba and our other large dogs.  I want a smaller one because I can walk them, but also because it would bark if someone was near.  Hubby couldn't hear anything, and I don't pay that much attention.  Not sure what kind of dog I would want, but would go to a shelter and take my time looking.  We got Marley from a shelter.  She was the best dog and I still miss her.  She is the black one who we had to put down with lymphoma.  Broke my heart.  Maybe another lab wouldn't be too big.  I am in no hurry to go look. But someday.  I'll never forget years ago when I was mentioning I wanted a small dog to climb up next to me and want love and attention..... and hubby responded with 'why can't you lavish your love and attention on me?!"  HAH!  

Isaiah 48:17 (NIV):  This is what the Lord says - your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel; "I am the Lord your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go."

So many times I ask God what we should do, which way should we go... and what do I do?  I don't wait for Him to lead me, but take off and make my own decision.  Do you do that as well?  We are an impatient people, don't you think?  Sure, it doesn't mean that we choose wrong every time, but sometimes God wants us to just wait on Him and let Him direct us.

Our biggest issue right now in asking for direction, I believe, is our choice in churches to attend.  Yeah, I am bringing that up again. It's a big thing.  I wonder if this is God's leading.  We would like a small church in which the Bible is preached and we can become involved and be a part of.  Simple request, right?  We made the choice to attend the Pentecostal church these last 4 years and we haven't really felt happy in it at all.  But some friends love it and .. well, it has made me wonder where I am spiritually at times.  They go on and on about God being in the service, and I'm sitting there thinking it wasn't that good at all, and I didn't feel God was there!  So I begin to wonder about my own spiritual walk. I question it. I debate it. I seek God and ask Him if it is 'me'.  Seriously.  People are friendly at church; we tried to start a small group and two people came for two weeks and then dropped out.  Granted, one had an accident and was injured. The other came up with excuses on why they couldn't attend. We're still friends on Sunday mornings. But... the connection is not there. Does that make sense? I know I've hashed this out in here before; my apology for boring you again.  Just leaving isn't that simple.  We have made a few friends who come to greet us on Sunday mornings. A year ago we missed three Sundays and the pastor's wife text'd me that they missed us and hoped all was well.  But.  

At the Sunday service at Inspira, the facility I spoke at, I was talking to one of the chaplains that came to help with communion.  I asked, during the conversation, where he went to church.  He told me CCV, and he also told me how he started going there.  He was invited by a cousin; he attended as a non-Christian, and cried through the entire service.  The pastor saw him afterwards and asked if he was ok. In the midst of hundreds of people, Pastor Ashley had seen this one man struggling with his sins.  He gave his life to Jesus.  Come to find out, the man who founded CCV was the man who had married he and his wife 30 years earlier! And he happened to be there that night and were remembered by him.  He said they have been going there every Saturday night since.   And then, when I went to work out yesterday I wore a CCV shirt I had gotten one week when I was there.  Morgan asked me if that was where I went - and I told her no, not really, but do go occasionally.  She goes there as well!  That was two.  Now I know my daughter and SIL go there and are involved in a small group.  That has not affected our decision on whether to go there or not.  But there are these two people, within two days, that have brought that church back to mind.  We do enjoy the church and the people are always so friendly.

I mentioned to hubby yesterday that we both really like our Sunday mornings at home.  And November - April at least one to two and a couple months three Sundays we will be at the RV parks - plus any Sunday afternoons at Inspira.  I don't have any more scheduled right now at Inspira, but expect to be asked on occasion.   We like staying home on Sunday mornings; we like watching Jentezen Franklin at Free Chapel.  We love our time alone with God extended, when we don't have the RV park to go to.  So - I suggested why didn't we go back to CCV on Saturday nights.  And, if we have something going on that we miss Saturday night, we can always watch it Sunday morning.  We enjoy the music (it isn't screaming and making us feel we are watching a concert performance with all the yelling and jumping), and we love the preaching from the Bible.  They have small groups we can join if we choose. Or not. Hubby has two Bible studies he already goes to during the week.  With working, I don't feel I have a lot of evenings to give up.  My Tuesdays are with my daughter most weeks.  And, we go to dinner with friends once or twice a month.  Anyway - I'm getting to it - I mentioned to hubby why didn't we think about it - and he said he'd take a week to pray about it and let me know.  He commented about the Christian Church we watched online - but it was the associate pastor and we weren't real thrilled with having one verse after another read to us and a comment made.  We like food in the Word, if you know what I mean.  But they do have small groups going already, and it appeared to be a fairly small church.  May need to attend in person one time and see; but will let hubby pray about it and work it out. We are not charismatic nor Pentecostal and even after four years of attending, just don't feel like we belong.  I guess we are just 'old folks'.

Stay tuned; you will probably read my writing about it once again.  And now, I need to jump off here and in to the shower for my workday is about to start.  Short week that will be extremely busy.  I'm trying to have a better attitude about it.  Work, I mean. Even what I don't enjoy doing.  But I do like having extra money to do what I want to with. It does make a difference.  I love being able to help people when they need help. I love being able to give things away.  It's all for Him, anyway.

Blessings!

This will be a short one.... or not...

 We both really do not want to go to our current church this morning.  We have again been discussing.  There is nothing wrong with the church; there is nothing wrong with us.  It just isn't our style of worship and message projection; it isn't what we are used to.  We have given it four years and still don't feel 'home' there, don't feel a part of the church.  We have friends there, we have participated in activities.  When there was a need, we always helped.  But our hearts are not there.  And today, hubby has already voiced he doesn't want to go.  Unfortunately, neither do I.  So what is the problem?  I have some RAW ordered and the guy who makes it for us will be there this morning.  Now I can do one of two things.  1) text him and ask if we can pick up later.  2) ask Tom to drive over and pick it up and come back home.  I threw out a fleece this morning... it hasn't been picked up yet, as to what to do.  

I was searching for churches yesterday and found a Christian Church about 9 miles from here.  Not far. I think it was a 17 minute drive; same as now.  What I read about it int he reviews, I liked.  I need a service that will draw me to God, and hear His voice, not so much yelling and jumping around that I can't hear Him. We've tried, we've really tried.  And, with my RV preaching season coming up in November, and doing the facility occasionally in the Sunday afternoons, I need to draw near to God and feel His strength, not a lot of banging on the door to get in.  Does that make sense.

I did it.  I finally straightened up my closet yesterday.  I took the shelving that has come apart out in the garage - well, most of it - and put it back together and stuck it in my closet.  I still don't have it quite organized yet, but at least things are out of the middle of the floor and it looks much better. I still need to get the stepstool and work on the stuff on the top shelves, but can't do it while hubby is home.  Also, I didn't try on clothes.  I did let go of two nice skirts.  With 6-8 inches of fat that made them not close, well, I knew I wouldn't be in those any time soon.  They are so old and unworn that there was dust on the top of the skirt.  Does it even make sense to keep them any longer?  No.  It doesn't, as much as it grieved me to let them go.... but it also made me grieve over how much fat I have now gained that I can't get rid of it. I've got to do better.  I've got to cut out the fat stuff and ... Maybe I will go back to weight watchers.  I can eat whatever I want as long as I stay within my number of points and I can eat real food.  I just track how much of the food I eat and what the points are.  I've got to get this weight off; it is depressing me.  I can't try on clothes when I'm depressed.  It makes it worse.

And the clothing industry is no help at all.  I still have 4 pair of jeans that I will refuse to get rid of.  The jeans I currently wear are a size 12.  I bought jeans in size 12.  Same size, same manufacturer, same style.  I had bought 5.  One fit, the rest do not.  I refused to send them back for I am going to get into them. One way or another.  Six months down the road from now if they still don't fit I may have to make a decision.  Right now I just don't want to.  Anyway - I did the clean out of the closet and have a pile of shoes to let go of and other things - and they are still sitting outside the closet.  I didn't feel like putting them in the car and taking to Savers.  Maybe I will after the service this afternoon.  Or maybe we will do later in the week.  But I do need to move them to my car and out of my way.  Later.

I worked on the message again yesterday and need to get on it this morning.  Especially if we are going to church. I got to jump in the shower yet as well.  I changed it out yesterday morning so need to read through it a few times this morning. At least we don't have to be there until about 1:30PM.  At least lunch is prepared - sorta.  I made meatball vegetable soup yesterday too so all we have to do is heat it up for lunch.  Healthy too.

Today I need to make the potato salad for the lunch tomorrow.  That's all I was asked to bring. I guess it is 'enough'. 

Psalm 107:15-16 (TPT):  So lift your hands and give thanks to God for his marvelous kindness and for his miracles of mercy for those he loved! For he smashed through heavy prison doors and shattered the steel bars that held us back, just to set us free!

As I read Psalm 107 this morning I had to pause and read that verse a couple times.  It really spoke to me and from where I came.  God has been so kind to me.  He has shown me His miracles of mercy time and again, and I know that He loves me.  From the prison of sin that I had put myself in, He broke down the doors that held me prisoner, He shattered the bars on which I was hanging on to - and He set me free.  Free to follow Him.  Free to do what He asks me to do.  Free.

He will do that for you as well.  All you have to do is let go of the bars you cling to, the prison doors that hold you in.  Want to be free?  Want to have that heavy load lifted from your shoulders, that burden you carry?  Anger and stress and hate and unforgiveness can really weigh you down.  Want to be set free? Ask Jesus to forgive you your sins; and receive His forgiveness.  You will feel such a change in your body, in your heart and mind. There is nothing like being set free.

I watched some of The Chosen last night.  I think this is Season 4 and I'm watching it on prime video. (Hubby was watching the Notre Dame game).  In it Matthew comes to Jesus and is quite distressed and comments about how Peter has been treating him. Peter had just received his name change from Simon to Peter from Jesus.... and all the disciples felt that Jesus was elevating Peter above them all - and Matthew felt that wasn't right, considering how Peter had treated him.  

Jesus turned it around, and asked if Matthew where was the root of the problem.  It eventually came out that Matthew, when a tax collector, had overcharged Peter in taxes, he was going to turn him in to Quinius, the Roman whatever and that very morning Jesus had walked by Matthew and had said "Follow me", and Matthew got up, left everything, to follow Jesus.  As Jesus allowed Matthew to think back at the root of the problem, Matthew knew he needed to apologize to Peter for what he had done.

But listen to this - Jesus said we need to apologize and ask for forgiveness..... but that forgiveness is a gift from the one we had mistreated.  It is a gift; not to be demanded just because you apologized.  Sometimes people need to work through your apology before they can forgive you completely.  I loved that scene.  Matthew finally gets up the courage to tell Peter he is sorry.  He asked to be forgiven.  Peter's anger at Matthew rose and Peter walked away from Matthew without forgiving him.  He laid awake that night reviewing all the things Matthew had done when a tax collector, when no mercy was shown for being late on paying taxes.  Peter also remembered when he had walked out to Jesus on the water and fell in, and Jesus lifted him out; how he had fallen to his knees acknowledging Jesus as Lord. 

When they were out walking on the road, Peter made a beeline to Matthew, who was terrified at what Peter might do to him.  Peter grabbed Matthew in a bearhug and told him, "I forgive you.  To the ends of the earth and forevermore.  I forgive you."  Then Peter walked away, leaving Matthew stunned and in tears (and me as well).  Forgiveness.  It is so freeing, not only for the one apologizing, but the one forgiving.  Don't stay behind in prison, let Jesus open the doors and set you free from all that you have been holding on to.

You ARE good enough to be forgiven.  Jesus forgave the murderer on the cross, remember?  He will also forgive you.  Will you ask Him?

Blessings!