We both really do not want to go to our current church this morning. We have again been discussing. There is nothing wrong with the church; there is nothing wrong with us. It just isn't our style of worship and message projection; it isn't what we are used to. We have given it four years and still don't feel 'home' there, don't feel a part of the church. We have friends there, we have participated in activities. When there was a need, we always helped. But our hearts are not there. And today, hubby has already voiced he doesn't want to go. Unfortunately, neither do I. So what is the problem? I have some RAW ordered and the guy who makes it for us will be there this morning. Now I can do one of two things. 1) text him and ask if we can pick up later. 2) ask Tom to drive over and pick it up and come back home. I threw out a fleece this morning... it hasn't been picked up yet, as to what to do.
I was searching for churches yesterday and found a Christian Church about 9 miles from here. Not far. I think it was a 17 minute drive; same as now. What I read about it int he reviews, I liked. I need a service that will draw me to God, and hear His voice, not so much yelling and jumping around that I can't hear Him. We've tried, we've really tried. And, with my RV preaching season coming up in November, and doing the facility occasionally in the Sunday afternoons, I need to draw near to God and feel His strength, not a lot of banging on the door to get in. Does that make sense.
I did it. I finally straightened up my closet yesterday. I took the shelving that has come apart out in the garage - well, most of it - and put it back together and stuck it in my closet. I still don't have it quite organized yet, but at least things are out of the middle of the floor and it looks much better. I still need to get the stepstool and work on the stuff on the top shelves, but can't do it while hubby is home. Also, I didn't try on clothes. I did let go of two nice skirts. With 6-8 inches of fat that made them not close, well, I knew I wouldn't be in those any time soon. They are so old and unworn that there was dust on the top of the skirt. Does it even make sense to keep them any longer? No. It doesn't, as much as it grieved me to let them go.... but it also made me grieve over how much fat I have now gained that I can't get rid of it. I've got to do better. I've got to cut out the fat stuff and ... Maybe I will go back to weight watchers. I can eat whatever I want as long as I stay within my number of points and I can eat real food. I just track how much of the food I eat and what the points are. I've got to get this weight off; it is depressing me. I can't try on clothes when I'm depressed. It makes it worse.
And the clothing industry is no help at all. I still have 4 pair of jeans that I will refuse to get rid of. The jeans I currently wear are a size 12. I bought jeans in size 12. Same size, same manufacturer, same style. I had bought 5. One fit, the rest do not. I refused to send them back for I am going to get into them. One way or another. Six months down the road from now if they still don't fit I may have to make a decision. Right now I just don't want to. Anyway - I did the clean out of the closet and have a pile of shoes to let go of and other things - and they are still sitting outside the closet. I didn't feel like putting them in the car and taking to Savers. Maybe I will after the service this afternoon. Or maybe we will do later in the week. But I do need to move them to my car and out of my way. Later.
I worked on the message again yesterday and need to get on it this morning. Especially if we are going to church. I got to jump in the shower yet as well. I changed it out yesterday morning so need to read through it a few times this morning. At least we don't have to be there until about 1:30PM. At least lunch is prepared - sorta. I made meatball vegetable soup yesterday too so all we have to do is heat it up for lunch. Healthy too.
Today I need to make the potato salad for the lunch tomorrow. That's all I was asked to bring. I guess it is 'enough'.
Psalm 107:15-16 (TPT): So lift your hands and give thanks to God for his marvelous kindness and for his miracles of mercy for those he loved! For he smashed through heavy prison doors and shattered the steel bars that held us back, just to set us free!
As I read Psalm 107 this morning I had to pause and read that verse a couple times. It really spoke to me and from where I came. God has been so kind to me. He has shown me His miracles of mercy time and again, and I know that He loves me. From the prison of sin that I had put myself in, He broke down the doors that held me prisoner, He shattered the bars on which I was hanging on to - and He set me free. Free to follow Him. Free to do what He asks me to do. Free.
He will do that for you as well. All you have to do is let go of the bars you cling to, the prison doors that hold you in. Want to be free? Want to have that heavy load lifted from your shoulders, that burden you carry? Anger and stress and hate and unforgiveness can really weigh you down. Want to be set free? Ask Jesus to forgive you your sins; and receive His forgiveness. You will feel such a change in your body, in your heart and mind. There is nothing like being set free.
I watched some of The Chosen last night. I think this is Season 4 and I'm watching it on prime video. (Hubby was watching the Notre Dame game). In it Matthew comes to Jesus and is quite distressed and comments about how Peter has been treating him. Peter had just received his name change from Simon to Peter from Jesus.... and all the disciples felt that Jesus was elevating Peter above them all - and Matthew felt that wasn't right, considering how Peter had treated him.
Jesus turned it around, and asked if Matthew where was the root of the problem. It eventually came out that Matthew, when a tax collector, had overcharged Peter in taxes, he was going to turn him in to Quinius, the Roman whatever and that very morning Jesus had walked by Matthew and had said "Follow me", and Matthew got up, left everything, to follow Jesus. As Jesus allowed Matthew to think back at the root of the problem, Matthew knew he needed to apologize to Peter for what he had done.
But listen to this - Jesus said we need to apologize and ask for forgiveness..... but that forgiveness is a gift from the one we had mistreated. It is a gift; not to be demanded just because you apologized. Sometimes people need to work through your apology before they can forgive you completely. I loved that scene. Matthew finally gets up the courage to tell Peter he is sorry. He asked to be forgiven. Peter's anger at Matthew rose and Peter walked away from Matthew without forgiving him. He laid awake that night reviewing all the things Matthew had done when a tax collector, when no mercy was shown for being late on paying taxes. Peter also remembered when he had walked out to Jesus on the water and fell in, and Jesus lifted him out; how he had fallen to his knees acknowledging Jesus as Lord.
When they were out walking on the road, Peter made a beeline to Matthew, who was terrified at what Peter might do to him. Peter grabbed Matthew in a bearhug and told him, "I forgive you. To the ends of the earth and forevermore. I forgive you." Then Peter walked away, leaving Matthew stunned and in tears (and me as well). Forgiveness. It is so freeing, not only for the one apologizing, but the one forgiving. Don't stay behind in prison, let Jesus open the doors and set you free from all that you have been holding on to.
You ARE good enough to be forgiven. Jesus forgave the murderer on the cross, remember? He will also forgive you. Will you ask Him?
Blessings!
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