I'm just going to pretend....

 for awhile anyway.  At Sue's retirement party yesterday I was asked numerous times when I was going to retire.  I would just laugh and say "when I die or can't work anymore or 3 more years when I turn 80".  They asked how it will be for me when Sue retires... and I could only respond, "I'm pretending that she is going on a vacation.... that keeps getting extended. After awhile, the reality she will not be at my beck and call Monday - Friday will sink in."  LOL  I'm just kidding around with them.  Sue and I do not talk every day since we aren't in the office together, but we do talk frequently.  And once she is 'done' with work, I won't contact her about work anymore.  I just won't.  Do I really want to retire?  In a way, to be honest about it. But as I've mentioned many times over the past year or so - what would I do if I was retired?  I would lose more than I would gain.  I would have to get a part time job.... so why not keep working as long as I can so that I can keep the mind active, have specific tasks to complete, and get gifts on admin professional day, my birthday, and Christmas?  LOL  Just kidding.  I often think about what I would do if retirement was a possibility... and I will talk about retirement, and whine about not doing it... for a time to come.  Besides, it gives me something to write in here, right?

The retirement party went well; about 50 or so people came. I took lots of photos and sent them to Sue afterwards so that I could clear my phone.  Can you believe this?  I baked scones.  My pumpkin scones. And I got lots of compliments on them.  But I was the only one who baked.  Everyone else brought muffins, scones, other pastries - all store bought!!  we also had iced coffee (in containers from Sprouts; going to check those out) and juice.  She received several bags of gifts, but I don't know what she got as she just took them home.  I know I overbought supplies, so I get to return about $55 worth to Amazon because I didn't use those.  And, I get to expense the other supplies I purchased from Sams Club and get reimbursed.  I got to see people - some I haven't seen since before covid - and got a lot of hugs and got to talk with a lot of people.  I was on my feet the entire time and I tell you what!  By the time I got home, I was tired!  All in all, it was nice and Sue was happy, although she still will be working through August 31st.   In God's timing, my time will come.  Sue says "when the time comes for you to retire, you will know it is time."  Her husband wasn't on board in the beginning either (he retired 18 years ago, selling his business, but he is her age). They have managed their money well over the years so after the remodeling in their bathrooms this week - their entire house will be remodeled - just like having a new home without having to change addresses.   Enough of the party!

Today won't be too busy, got to make sure the PowerPoint deck is ready and complete to send out to board members today.  One of the doctors who submits slides told me yesterday that she would try to get hers in today.  Then I was confused at first - I was thinking the board meeting was next week - and it isn't!  It's Thursday THIS week!  I was focused on the party and forgot the board meeting.  The deck must go out today to the board members so I will be looking at it first thing this morning.

Ephesians 4:31-32 (NKJV):  Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.  Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

As I was reading in my bible this morning, several versus in Ephesians jumped out at me.  Why did I choose this specific one?  Because it reminds me of the bitterness I carried within me for years because of disappointment.  No one would know I was bitter.  They could probably see how I was angry, but bitterness?  Me?  Naw, I'm good!  Until one day I was reading a book.... don't even remember what book.... and it talked about disappointment becoming bitterness.  And I recognized that trait in myself.  Then I became disappointed in myself, because I had taken on bitterness, a trait that as a Christian, I shouldn't have.  Does that make sense?

It wasn't that I didn't get my way.  It was more that I was so disappointed in someone that bitterness took root within me and I tell you - it was awful!  I prayed about that bitterness time and time again, that it would be removed from me, and replaced with love.  I would have to tell myself many times over "I forgive xxxxxx" and "I love xxxxxxxx" (don't count the x's to figure it out, I didn't put the exact number down!).  

I had to learn to take my disappointment in others to God and ask Him to deal with them.  In my anger, I was not able to be truly kind. Definitely not tenderhearted. And I didn't want to forgive. I wanted to bring it to light time and again - (although I did not) - and I wanted to punish them.  They 'ruined' my life - don't they deserve the punishment I feel they do?  I couldn't talk to them about my bitterness and anger for they wouldn't have understood.  But it was - and sometimes still is - real.  Life could have been so much different for everyone if I ....  well, let's leave that there.... but trust me, I had to do a lot of praying, a lot of talking with God about my disappointment and anger ... for me to get over it.  And in reading this verse this morning, I realize I no longer hold in bitterness and anger.  It hasn't done me any good for years of holding it it... but it is refreshing to know that I no longer hold anger and bitterness for this individual.  I can't change the past.  But I can change how I face the future.

By the way, Disappointment - change the D to H - and it becomes His appointment.  Sometimes God allows situations and things in our lives in order to grow us in some areas.  Growing is hard, and many times it is painful, especially when we don't see what it is that we are to learn.   I know I am still growing, and yes, it is painful in some areas, but I know that God is good and I know that He has only the best planned for my future.  

I may not understand the path I am on; I may disagree with how life deals its blows, but one thing I do know.  Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so.  No matter what we go through in this life, let's look at it as a learning situation, no matter how painful, and grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

I Peter 5:7   Cast all your cares on Him, for He cares for you.

May your day be full of amazing wonder as God reveals Himself to you in the things we take for granted.  Watch for Him, you will see His hand.

Blessings!

I feel lazy today.....

 but it is Monday and I have to work.  Well, I don't HAVE to, I could call in 'sick' or just say I want a day off.  But if I did - what would I do differently?  I just wouldn't get on the computer and it'd be another weekend day - in which nothing happens.  Although this weekend we did have something both days, but normally our weekends are pretty quiet.  So, no, I am not going to call it off.   In the past, when hubby was working, I'd sneak and take a day off, not telling hubby until that morning.  Of course he'd fuss and say 'why didn't you tell me, I'd take the day off too!'.  There was a reason I didn't.  I wanted a day ALONE.  I don't get time alone very often anymore (and I probably shouldn't complain, for some day I will be alone, possibly.... ) but I do love my alone time to do whatever I want to do.

So I am trying to motivate myself this morning to DO something.  I mean, I do have to work, so in another hour I will be dressed and sitting in front of my work computer.  Not that I want to, but because I have to.  I try to think positive about working.  I have people in the 'outside world' that I can talk to, albeit verbally and not in person.  I have things to do that activate my mind.  Those are positives, right?  But I am just tired of working.  Ok - enough of the negative.

There is a woman in the Bible who got very negative.  Her name was Naomi - remember her?  You can read about her in the book of Ruth.  Now Naomi and her husband lived in  Bethlehem and when a great famine hit, Naomi, her husband, and their two boys moved to Moab so that they could have food.  Then Naomi's husband died.  In Biblical times, when the husband died, the boys in the family were expected to take care of their widowed mother.  Well, after the boys were married, they died.  And that left Naomi and her two daughters-in-law alone.  

So Naomi became very bitter and negative and 'woe is me' ... not sure that I blame her.  That was a bad lot to be cast into.  Naomi heard that Israel had food again and the famine was over, so she wanted to go back to Bethlehem.  She tried to send her daughters-in-law back to their parents - and perhaps find a new husband.  One daughter-in-law did return to her parents.  But one daughter-in-law, Ruth, refused and went with Naomi to Bethlehem.  She said:

Ruth 1:16-17  (NKJV):  "But Ruth said: "Entreat me not to leave you, or to turn back from following you; for wherever you go, I will go; and wherever you lodge, I will lodge; Your people shall be my people, and your God, my God.  Where you die, I will die, and there will I be buried. The Lord do so to me, and more also, if anything but death parts you and me."

So Ruth went with Naomi back to Bethlehem, ended up marrying a rich man by the name of Boaz, and they had a son whom they named Obed, who was the father of Jesse, who was the grandfather of King David!  Now that is something to be positive about! When Obed was born, Naomi's negativity (she had requested her name be changed to Mara, for she felt that God had dealt with her harshly) changed to joy and she took care of this little one as her own son.

God can take our negativity and bring joy to it in many ways.  He can take our bitterness and change us into instruments of great worth.  But you have to believe it, want it, pursue it.  How bad do you want to change?  What is it worth to you to have peace within and without?  

God can take mundane things and make them whatever He chooses.  And He can also take you, just as you are, if you are willing to let Him do a good work in you.  

Every day I lay out my life before Him and ask Him to do whatever in me, that I can be more of Him.  That I can live better for Him.  That I can be used by Him.  And when those opportunities come, I need to take hold of them.  I had a couple opportunties yesterday to 'be Jesus' to a couple people... I may share about that another time.  It wasn't about me, but it WAS about Jesus.  

People watch you and see if your words spoken are reflected in your life.  Sometimes it is a learning process and you do things that don't reflect what you say... and you beat yourself up about it (at least I do), but when God gives you opporunities to glorify Him, go with it!  You will never regret it.

Blessings!