to a degree, anyway. I truly enjoyed my time alone while hubby was at church. I watched our church service online and I thought it was powerful. It was a guest speaker, and he was very difficult to hear even through the computer at full volume. He is in a wheelchair, with the body of about a 8 year old, head of a man. Don't know the history. But he is anointed, for sure. He would speak a sentence or two, then would have to pause to get his breath. He prophesied over a couple people as well. Personally, I was so caught up in the message that I put down my crochet and listened intently. At the end, (opening myself up here) I was bawling. No, not just tears falling down my cheeks, I was bawling! Don't know what triggered it; but it let loose. It was freeing, to say the least, for I usually have to hold in most emotions.
I had started making deviled eggs for us when hubby came in. I knew he had left the service early because I had only turned the computer off about 5 minutes before. I also know hubby 'doesn't care to listen' to this man because he has difficulty hearing him. Here I am expecting to hear "what a powerful message today!" only to hear a lot of complaining about he had difficulty hearing; he had prayed that morning for our regular pastor and instead go this one, our normal place to sit was taken so he had to sit elsewhere and ended up behind three women who moved about a lot and spoke loudly. One spoke in tongues during prayer. He could tell me more about the three women's actions than he could about the message.
I was shocked. I turned around to look at him and I imagine my mouth was open ad my eyes were wide. What I expected to hear was not coming out of his mouth! Then he says 'why are you looking at me like that?' So I told him. I had expected him to comment it was a powerful message, etc. Then he comes back to me with 'so I guess you are disappointed in me'. Where does all this come from? I just looked at him and told him what I got out of the service - and no, I wasn't disappointed IN him for 'missing it'. I was disappointed FOR him, because he allowed his disappointment in not hearing Pastor Pat or Pastor Sharonda, having to sit in a different place, and the three women in front of him to distract his mind - that he didn't listen to what was said. He started out angry.... and left angrier. Does that make sense?
I'm not sharing this to put him down.... we all have times that disappointment in things ruin the entire thing for us. I've had it happen to me; few people are immune to it. We had further conversation about the speaking in tongues - and for a man who has taught on the Holy Spirit and has read numerous books and attended classes taught on the Holy Spirit, he seemed to not understand what He is. That was scary for me. How could he forget something like that? He even asked me if it was Biblical to pray for the Holy Spirit!
Although I had cooked breakfast for him (since I didn't have to get dressed for church), he wanted lunch. Usually if I fix breakfast we skip lunch..... but I went ahead and heated up leftovers and we ate lunch. Then the TV came home and that is where he sat the entire afternoon and evening (except for dinner - I also had to cook dinner. I sat on the couch doing my crochet and he sat in his chair. Later he asked what we had gotten done ..... I just looked at him and said "I don't know what you did, but I finished up two baby blankets, made two washcloths and one dishcloth." (at least I was productive while just sitting on the couch!) Other than the TV in the afternoon, it was a quiet day. His behavior scares me... is it the start/continuation of the future? Lord, please help.
Should I erase all this I have written? I'm not sure. It isn't a putdown... but it is something that is weighing heavy on my mind. And my heart. Need to do some praying over it, for sure. I know how the message affected me, even though I couldn't hear it very well. I'm praying hubby's ears will be opened so that he can hear clearly the Word spoken. Anything that is out of the routine throws him off, it seems. And I have to lean into the Lord, for I am afraid of what the future may bring. Can I deal with it.... only with His help. Lord, please help.
Proverbs 1:7 (NKJV): "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge. But fools despise wisdom and instruction."
I've been listening to this book by John Bevere, The Awe of God. In it he talks about having fear of the Lord. It isn't being afraid of God, of what He could do to you, but having a healthy fear of God. It's really very interesting. In fact, John Bevere has also written a book called The Fear of the Lord and I don't remember if I read it or got it and then got sidetracked, but I think I have it on the shelf and plan to read it next. Along with my other books. LOL I did finish two books yesterday so am gaining on my count for the year. Which reminds me, I need to record I finished them. (sorry - got sidetracked!)
I know I already have lots to get done today. One of the directors I support has left for a three week vacation - starting in Egypt. But she left me about 16 letters to work on and make changes to. I hope I can understand her instructions. She sent them over on Friday, but my eyes were burning (after all, it was the day after surgery and I had been staring at the computer screen) so I saw what they were and decided I needed to rest my eyes and shut the computer off about 15 minutes early.
My eyes are doing very well. I can actually see a bit more clearer than before. I put on my usual distance (the old glasses) glasses I use for watching TV and it was blurry some, so watched without any. My eyes sometimes feel like I have contacts on and I want to go take them off. LOL Technically, I guess I do have contacts..... they put a new lens in and took the old one out. I still have healing to do, of course, and I don't need to go back for a month. By then my eyes should have adjusted to everything and we will see what adjustments will be needed in my glasses, for my vision will change. I am still amazed at the vivd colors. I love it. Things look so much more clearer and brighter. I'm so glad I got it done.
Need to jump off and get ready for the day..... hope that your day is amazing and full of...
Blessings!
