Early morning rising....

 Both of my burning legs awakened me about 2a this morning.  Got up, walked down the hall, and the pain went away.  Sitting here, it feels like a 'low-burner', but could this be just workout pain... anyway... I went back to bed, wanting to go back to sleep, and could not.  Thoughts kept running through my mind.  Hubby made a comment yesterday and now he and I need to have a conversation.  Today.  I stayed in bed until hubby did his 3a trek down the hall and back, and I waited until he had steady breathing, then I just got up.  So, yeah, it's early morning.  I haven't done any reading yet, but have gone through emails and other stuff (aka Amazon) and here I am. Too early for my son's blog. It is now 4a.  I think a nap may be in order.  Surprisingly, I was still doing good last night (staying awake) considering I was up 2:50a the night before.  What is going on with my sleep?  

This morning we have what is called 'Growth Track II' at church from 9-11:30a and we will be going to that.  Today they will be talking about Israel and sharing facts about it.  It sounded interesting so we are going. At least it is something for us to do - and to learn something - right?

I was moving things around yesterday morning in the courtyard again.  Still don't like how it looks.  I ordered some artificial plants from Amazon for the back patio pots - there are four sitting out there.  I had bought cactus a year ago - and 'somehow' they died anyway.... so artificial plants it is - at least for the summer. I'll have to take them out when winter comes and find something else to put in it - after all, seasons change, right?  Last time I got artificial flowers from Amazon they stunk so I sent them back.  Will see how these do.  At least I don't have to worry about watering them!

I thoroughly enjoyed my son's long visit yesterday morning.  Luckily, I had no meetings to deal with - to attend or create - all morning.  I did get two in the afternoon to complete, so at least did something yesterday.  But got nothing else done - except visiting - and treasure every minute of it.  Who would have thought we could have found so many things to talk about?!  Went to the VFW's Rider's dinner last night and enjoyed a hot dog and other things.  Came home, sit outside for a bit, then came in and watched a movie.  LOL  The video had the voices talking funny.... you know, like a garble sound.  I decided I wasn't going to say anything and see if hubby did.  Now, there were times even I could not understand the words... but do you know, hubby never said a word, and the entire movie voices were garbled like that. I wonder if he couldn't hear it and just watched the video?  I had let him choose, so there you have it.

So are you wondering what hubby's comment was yesterday that has me in a 'tizzle'?   After my son left, hubby said he needed to go to the post office to drop off the AAA renewal and the HOA payment.  Puzzled, I asked him "wasn't AAA renewal due in May?"  He came back with "actually, it was in April but I couldn't pay it until now."  Ok, that has set red flags going off.  I told him that if he doesn't have money in the bank to pay the bills, he needs to let me know he needs money put in.  Granted, the AAA is yearly, but it is still less than $200 for both of us.  I get it, that's an 'extra' bill.  But I also am pretty sure the REC center bill has been received and in the past two years we had to split to bill to get it paid - and this year they jumped the bill to around $600, I think I heard.  Anyway, I am needing - and will this morning - ask him what bills has he not paid that are past due.  I commented to him that I don't like bills being late - and his only comment back was "I know you don't."  So I didn't pursue it last night.  I have begged him numerous times to give me the bills back.  He refuses and says that if I take that away from him, he may as well die. (meaning, what else does he do?)  But, I think I will have to insist we sit down every payday and go over the bills now.  I can get in the account and see what he's spending money on - that's not a worry. It's more a concern as to why isn't he paying them when the bill comes in. I don't feel there is an excuse.  He waits until the due date - or close to it - before he will mail a check. I pay my bills online. I can't trust him to do that. Well, he refuses to do that.  And when he commented about our Cox bill last night, that he had paid it the day before and it had already hit the bank (and he tells me this at the VFW?) and it was $336... I was surprised - and asked him WHY was that bill so high - we need to review what he has signed up for on the TV and eliminate some of the programs. This is ridiculous. And I'm perturbed about it.  And we will probably end up 'fighting' about the bank account. The sad part is, I can put money in the bank to keep it all up to date; his pride won't tell me if there is a delay for a reason. It's way past time for him to give it back - but again, it's his pride.  Well, his pride and I are going to h ae a meeting, I'm afraid.  I'm sure yelling will be involved.

ADDENDUM:  Hubby got up and I decided to fix eggs ole (at 5a) for breakfast.  As I am fixing it, and he fixes the coffee, I tell him I need to talk with him; I don't want his pride and defense to flair up.  I asked him what other bills are we behind on, and asked about a couple I knew about that is yearly (one being the REC bill).  He calmly told me all the bills are paid; none are past due. As for the REC bill, he went back to check as he didn't remember getting it - but we did - and the bill isn't due until July 1st - and it is $680!!  It really jumped up this year - and we don't even use the REC center!  Guess we need to, huh!!  Anyway- I told him I would zelle him the money this morning and for him to pay it.  NOW. I don't want it slipping through the cracks.  Now I know he gets some via email so I am going to get his password and will go through his emails to see what comes in that way.  Not many, but things like APS does, I know.  Plus, I'm going to get that list drawn up that I've mentioned before - and I'll share more on that tomorrow. Anyway - he has assured me all bills are paid; none are past due.  I told him to not worry about paying half of the REC bill; I would rather it just get paid.  Maybe that will help.  Oh - on the 'late' AAA renewal - he said that he just forgot the bill was there.  RME.

Interestingly, hubby asked if the money for the AIRBNB we have rented in August has been taken out of the bank yet... he had written me a check (thank goodness!) after we got our refund check and I had put it in my savings.  I told him no, they won't charge us until closer to time, and it will go on my credit card, and then I'll pay it.  It makes me wonder... is there a need for that money that he isn't telling me? Sigh. I don't like not trusting him... but his wires are crossing, and we will have to do battle to straighten things out - and better now than later.  I'll jump on the bank account after I write in here and see what is going on.  It's interesting as well, that he paid off his car last month so that is another $237 he should have 'extra'... so I don't know what is going on.

I know, I share too much of my personal life in here.... but since I know my children read in here - at least one of them - it's there for them to know what is really going on here.  They know my angst, and help me work through issues.  I don't have a 'bestie' I can share things with anymore.... and Lord knows I always need a 'friend' to talk with me during the hard times.  And I have a feeling that hard times may be coming sooner rather than later.  Lord, help...

Psalm 28:7 (NIV):  The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me.  My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him.

I know that no matter what, I will trust in the Lord for whatever outcome is ahead of me. Because I grow weary of this life, does not mean I do not trust Him.  God has walked with me through so many battles over the years.  That is why I cannot turn from Him.  He truly is my strength and my shield; He is my Provider, my Hope, my Shelter, my Healer.  Without Him, nothing will change; with Him, my life is in His hands.  That's how much I trust Him.  He can take everything away from me, and I will still cling to Him.  And He loves that I do that.

Take some time to just sit and cling to Him this morning.  Jesus is my closest friend, and many mornings I don't have to say a word, He knows what is on my heart.  And He brings comfort to me for another day.  Blessed be the name of the Lord.

Have a marvelous day!  I need to get on my reading for this morning, and my journaling and prayers.... praying you find joy in today.

Blessings!