After our quiet time, after watching the 2nd service of Free Chapel (which wasn't as good as the first service!) I asked hubby about going physically to the church we want to try. He sometimes drives me crazy. Something I say, or something we discussed weeks or months previously, he will remember and stand firm on it... and yet, something I request today, he will find every excuse to not do it. For example, I walked into the kitchen after my quiet time yesterday and he was sitting there eating breakfast. I asked him if he was eating all carbs, because he also needed to eat some protein. I thought I'd fix egg sandwiches but he informed me "you said a long time ago that you do not cook on Sundays, that you will only cook on weekends". What I had said - many months ago - was that on Sundays when we were speaking (and needed to be there by 8:30AM), that I would not fix breakfast and if he wanted to eat, he would have to have a bowl of cereal. He would defend adamantly that I said I would not fix breakfast any Sunday (although I do if he hasn't started eating yet!). I fixed my egg sandwich and ate it. The other thing he says that I said... which I may have but not in these words... was that we wouldn't attend physically the church we want to try until after we were through speaking (in March). I may have said that so that he wouldn't keep bugging me. But I was mentally ready to go yesterday, and I think it was more that he didn't want to clean up to go.
So I got busy and filled my late morning/early afternoon with things I enjoy doing. I put a roast in the crock pot. I put on a pot of split pea and ham soup, I made a lemon meringue pie, and I made that grapefruit pie I mentioned yesterday. Now that grapefruit pie is interesting. I made it almost totally different than what the recipe said. It said to use ruby red grapefruit. I didn't. I used my neighbor's grapefruit, which is pink. I guess the taste may be different. It called for strawberry gelatin. All I had was cherry sugar-free gelatin. It said to put the grapefruit in sections; I cut up in bitesize pieces. See - I did it all differently, but you know what - I still like it! A dollop of whipped cream on top and you have a mixture of sweet and grapefruit. I actually like it! But I may have to try it the right way so that I can see what the difference is.
My neighbor called right after I finished (and cleaned up) my baking. She had people over stripping her fruit trees - specifically the tangelo tree, which I love the juice from it. So I took her a couple pieces of pie (one of each) and a large bag, into which the helper brought into my house and emptied a big bucket full into. Now I have a lot more to juice up (or give away) and put in my freezer. I have 3-4 bags of orange juice, a couple bags of grapefruit, and lemon juice all in my freezer already. But I have gotten used to drinking a glass of fresh orange juice every morning. Good fresh vitamin C.
Hubby watched football the rest of the day and I sat and crochet after all that baking and cooking. We did eat some for dinner, but will be putting some in the freezer. After a couple meals, I've had enough. Have to get rid of this pie, though. Maybe will take some over to the neighbor on the other side of us. Pie doesn't last as long as some things and needs to be eaten fairly fresh. That lemon meringue pie turned out really good too.
Today I'm back at work and wonder what the week will be like. I haven't looked at the calendar yet. Sigh. I wish hubby would just pretend I'm not here during the week. He is the one insisting I keep working; although I will admit that financially it does help us be able to do things. We can make it without my job, but we would have to do less than we do now - not that we do much. But I'm ok with that - but the thought of having to spend 24/7 in the house... just shoot me and put me out of my misery. LOL Just kidding. I have my books. I have puzzles (and I have one out on the table again...just haven't gotten to it for a few days). Hubby is always insisting we do things TOGETHER that I am afraid that if I didn't have my job, that I would cease to exist as a person. He recognizes that he has a 'control' issue, but sometimes it is 'out of control'. I get in trouble if I do something without asking him to help. I didn't need his help so why would I ask? I'm a big girl. I don't have a broken leg. I can get up and get my own glass of water. sigh.
Perhaps that is why I love to be in the kitchen, baking and cooking. He will sometimes get in my way because he thinks he has to eat or die of starvation, but overall, will leave me alone while I'm cooking. He checks in of course, on what I'm doing, and wanting to try it. But I can be left alone with my thoughts and Alexa plays music in the background for me. I love to make it and give it away. I don't usually want it after I make it, but want to give it to someone else to have. And if no one wants it, it goes in the freezer.
I read in Luke chapter 12 this morning about how God gives us all that we need. When we seek after Him first, He will give us all that we need. One of the parables in this chapter is about the rich fool who had an overwhelming supply of crop - and instead of giving the excess away, he to build more storage to hold the excess. And a reminder comes that tomorrow is not promised to us. The things that we hold on to for ourselves, will either go to waste or be taken by another for at any moment, our lives may be no more.
I can sit here in my chair and think about all that I have and what I want to do with it, but within seconds, my life can be removed from me and this blog will remain unfinished forever. The things I have will have no further value to me. Those that I love and pray for, my love and prayers for them will remain forever, and at some point, they will be answered.
My prayer today has been that what I have will be used for the glory of God. I've always had dreams of having studies and prayer groups in my home (especially in our other house where we had all that room), but they never came to fruition. Perhaps partly my fault; but ... well, let's just leave it at that. God knows what my heart desires and what can happen. I would love to have something here, but.... oh I have the excuses. Some legit, some because I have ... well... let's change that subject.
I'm starting to ramble... been doing that a lot lately, I think. It's 6:22AM and I need to get up and get dressed; turn my computer on, and see what I have ahead of me for today. I am still struggling with a longing to run away by myself for a few days...but that will never happen. I think I've had that longing for years. I just need to get alone with God without any interruptions. I have a lot of issues I need to work on. A lot of things I need to process. And even more that I need to let go of.
You know the serenity prayer - 'God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.' It is a true prayer.
Is it one you need to pray as well? Where are you at in it? I know where I am.
Blessings.
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