That was my first thought when I woke up at 4AM this morning. I can go back to sleep; it's Saturday. Then as my mind started to fade away, it mentally tracked through this week, and came to stop on Thursday. And I went 'Oh crap! It's Thursday!' So up I got and yes, I did try to go back to sleep a little here in my room, but after a few moments knew that wasn't going to happen, so got started on my time with God.
I really am grateful I have these mornings. Goodness, I have been getting up early to spend time with God now over 38 years, I'm guessing. No wonder my body wakes up so early. Actually, for years it was 5AM, but since I lived a distance from where I worked, I started doing it at 4AM, and since I was sent home to work, I continued at 4AM because I truly thought I'd be going back to the office in the beginning. It will be two years on March 13th that I was sent to work from home. What I thought would only be two weeks has turned into much longer. It's had it good and bad points. It's nice to wear jeans and t-shirt every day to work. I've saved a lot on clothes. I haven't had to drive long distances - which has saved wear and tear on my car and gas. In fact, my mileage after having my car about two years is only at 35,338 - or thereabouts... I bought it with 21,000 or so on it, I think. I'm able to fit in doctor and dentist appointments as I have moved them much closer to home. At 4PM, when I usually get off work, I can turn off the computer and I'm already home. THAT part is really nice! No fighting late afternoon traffic.
But the one thing I miss is being around people. I miss my friends, and although there are a very few that I still chat with at least once during the week on our Teams website chat, or we text on our phones, I miss being around people. Hubby has forgotten that I am home to work and frequently stops to ask me a question or see if I need anything. Or to tell me something he saw on the news as he did his scroll on his computer or phone. Most times my mind is saying 'I don't care'... but I try to show full attention as he tells me about an accident he read about or the latest political thing going on. If I ever do go back into the office full time, he will be lost.
My dental appointment with the oral surgeon went well, for the most part. The cost is probably double what I imagined it would be. So now the question to myself is 'do I think I am worth all this $$ to get this tooth fixed'. I got quoted three prices - one with getting everything done the same day, extraction, bone graft, and implant... (over $5K), extraction only ($1800), or extraction now, then later get bone graft and implant (over $3200). The 'I'm not worth it at my age' says go with the extraction only. But, it does leave a visible hole and I must admit it is sometimes difficult to eat on that side. Oh - another option would be to get a bridge, which means removing the crowns off the teeth on either side - and have the three teeth bridged together. Which also means insurance may not cover the replacement of the two crowns already in place.... so I'm still looking at $3-4K I'm guessing. And not counting the $2400 I still have left to use on my dental - and with the remaining dental work, ..... ugh. This is going to be the year of dental expenses I'm afraid. My current thought is to just go with the extraction, bone graft, and implant all the same day - my cost will be $3776, I think, after insurance. Why is it so hard to put out the money to make my body better than it is to buy a new car? Or a new house? and that is so much more? It's like 'suck it up, buttercup, and just do it!'.
So I've put it out there before God this morning and asked Him to help me make the right choice for me. Not what others think I should do, but what does He want me to do. It wouldn't hurt me to tighten the belt some and get done what needs to be done. I'm healthy right now, no other major expenses coming up, so right now should be the time to get it done. Now to make the final decision on which one to do before infection sets in the roots of the tooth, and get it all taken care of. Now is as good a time as any. And I'll get two days off work. And, I need to eat ice cream afterwards. Ok, so they also said pudding and jello, (cold and soft foods) but ice cream was the first choice mentioned. Then I graduate to mashed potatoes a couple days later. They had me at ice cream. I hope to get this done in a couple weeks; once I made the decision, let's just get it done. I'm thinking February 10, but want to talk one more time with my regular dentist about it. Febraury 10 works best for my schedule, so perhaps I need to call and just get it on the calendar. I can always change it. Hopefully, they have an opening.
My thoughts are consumed today with this dental stuff - my apology for that. I've always been 'last' to get anything done, and always felt guilty when I did get it done. I haven't gotten past that. I've always been ashamed of my teeth, and rarely show them. I wasn't important enough growing up to have them taken care of. Once on my own, it was never affordable for me. Everyone else always came first. And that was ok - I wanted it that way. Perhaps now is the time to take care of me, and yet, I think of being 72, and how many years do I have left? Is it worth getting it done. UGH I've got to stop thinking about it.
It's 42 degrees out and clear. Maybe I can get my butt moving today and go take a walk once it warms up a bit. Like to at least the late 60's or early 70's. Yes, I can walk in the cold - but WHY? Other than I really do need the exercise.
LOL My phone just buzzed with a 'missed call'. At 6:10AM! Curious, I pick up my phone to see - and it looks like hubby must be scrolling through his phone and somehow dialed me - and was able to stop it right away. How he can spend hours on his phone like that drives me crazy. I am trying hard to just glance at specific notifications on facebook and get off. If I start scrolling, I find I lose an hour or more easily. I have more important things to do with my time than sit and scroll facebook!
Ok - guess I do need to end this - but how? I've rambled today. A lot. And I need to get up and get moving and get dressed and get ready for work. Yeah, need to put on my jeans and t-shirt. :-) And comb my hair and brush my teeth. I don't think I have any meetings today so don't need makeup on. Not that anyone cares. Ok - enough.
Isaiah 55:8-9 (NIV) "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."
Guess who is in control? Not me, that's for sure!
Blessings!
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