since I've even had the opportunity to post anything. I suppose I could have intentionally got online to write something out, but confession, I just didn't have it in me. My life is turned upside down and inside I am dying.
Since we made the decision to move our house contents have been in the process of being packed up and hauled off to storage. Remodeling of things is being done. New floors. New tile. Painting. Repairs. SO.MUCH.STUFF. I think I have become my mother. Not that that is a bad thing. I just hang onto things in case someone needs it. My mind can't comprehend that they wouldn't want a USED something, but a NEW something.
In thinking about it, it must have come from my childhood for I do not remember having much. Throughout high school, until I started working at a department store at age 15 1/2 (and mother took my checks; they were not mine but to help with family)I only had two dresses to my name. And I had pedal pushers, which we call capris now. Same item, different name. Two dresses. I remember my oldest step brother gave me 5 new dresses for Christmas one year. Then it was discovered that he stole them from where he was working - wherever that was - and we returned them. Seems like I got to keep one or two, but that was it. Yes, he went to jail for it. He didn't live at home so I don't remember much about it, but I do remember the dresses.
I always had what I needed, but I rarely got what I wanted. I remember having one doll to play with - and that was after my dad died and friends took all six of us kids out for Christmas to buy us gifts. I got a doll. I can't remember any other doll. When I was 14, I wanted a cedar chest, because my older sister and my two step-sisters all got cedar chests when they were 14. It was my turn. I remember sitting there in mother's front room opening all my gifts, but not seeing anything big enough for a cedar chest. I was so disappointed, I was in tears. I got the usual underwear and socks, and maybe another thing or two. Then my step-father and a brother went outside and brought in my cedar chest. I did cry then, I was so excited. Something that was finally mine, all mine. I didn't have to share it. And I still have it. At some point it will go to a granddaughter. But I'm not ready to let it go yet.
Yet, I've started to clean it out and pass on to my children the things I have saved in it. Memories for me, papers of not much value to them. Oh some things I think they were glad to see, but others, nah. And that is ok. My youngest hasn't even bothered to come pick his up. I text'd him yesterday because he is/was going to take the remaining desk we have and we are trying to clean things out. Asked if he was going to come pick up the desk anytime soon as it has been awhile since I told him it was empty. He said yeah - after the quarantine. I just shook my head. Really? I could write comments about that in another blog.
I took Sheeba out for a 2 mile walk this morning before I got on the computer. As I walked I prayed and asked God to help us find the home that He wants us to have. I prayed that He would guide us and provide all that we will need. He always has, but I also wanted to ask and not take Him for granted. I believe He will answer, but as in other things, it is in His timing, not mine.
I don't always like His timing, but am glad He is in control. No matter what.
Blessings!
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