Thursday, December 15, 2011

What happens when you can't sleep at night?

Well, you probably will lay there and toss and turn for a long time, telling yourself that when it gets to the next 'o-clock' that you will get up.  And then you will give it another 15 minutes or so.  Well, that is what I do.  We went to bed around 9:50 or so last night, I think - and I heard the clock chime midnight.  and I still didn't get up.  Thought about it.  In fact, I thought about a lot of things.  (Now my brother sent me an email about 1:30AM the other night because he couldn't sleep - see, I should have gotten up and done something!)

I rewound in my mind the choir concert we had attended earlier in the evening to see our granddaughter, Tricia, and loved it again as I watched her smile and sing.  I am so proud of her!  I thought of the conversation my daughter and I had afterwards.  I thought of my children, my grandchildren, and prayed for them.  I thought of things purchased for Christmas and anticipated the expressions when the gifts were opened.  I thought of my little sissy and things we have been discussing.  I thought of my big brother and the challenges he and I have thrown out to each other for improving our health.  And I prayed.  Until I finally went to sleep.

As I processed many things, I realized some things about myself.  Some good, some not so good.  I am a great encourager.  I love to encourage people to succeed in whatever they choose to go in to.  Some people I want to beat it into them, for the more I tell them, the more they whine they can't do it!   I believe I am capable of achieving much more than I have been.  In fact, since I have been off work the past six weeks, although I have been busy doing Christmas things, I have gotten quite lax about improving my health.  After the first week when I had two-three days in the gym and two days out walking - I haven't been out doing anything!  Even excuses of cold, wet and rainy weather is not a good excuse.  I just didn't do it.  I have no excuse.  I have good intentions, and in my body - especially after watching the finale of the Biggest Loser (my one and only favorite show!), it is ready to start running and do something!  But I have nothing written down to motivate me.

My brother issued my sister and I a challenge recently - in March to walk 13.1 miles.  I have told him I'm 'IN'.  But I glanced at an email from him this morning in which he made me feel like he doesn't think I can do it - although we easily did ten miles when I was in Indiana last September.  Yes, I need to start pushing myself and get out there again, but I felt somewhat discouraged by his comment.  Yes, I plan to address that with him when I respond to his email.  And, yes, I do plan to be ready to do a 13.1 mile walk in March.

So what am I going to do to get ready?  I have to make my mind up I am going to do it.  I don't need my hubby pushing me out the door, I need to do it for me.  Not for my brother, or for my sissy.  Not for anyone, but for me.  I know I am perfectly capable of walking and can work up to doing even a 26 mile marathon.  Yes, I have a lot of work ahead of me, but I am confident I can do it.

Still don't have our dobie to walk with me - haven't found the one we want yet.  So if I say I can get my hubby to walk with me, it doesn't mean he is taking the place of a dog.  (You can wipe that thought off your face right now!) LOL  Tom has been good to walk with me, even though walking is not his favorite thing.  I'm hoping during the Christmas break my daughter can join us for I know she will want to walk with her uncle when he comes out for the challenge.  Perhaps one or both of the boys would like to walk, as well as spouses and some of the children. I'd love to make it a family walk out here, just as my brother made it the lst Annual Rigsby Family Marathon back last September in Avon.  

I did realize as well this morning as I baked cookies, I need to find another treat to make at Christmas besides the cookies, cranberry pumpkin nut bread, etc.  I need to search for a recipe low in fat and sugar.  How can one be watching what they eat when I give them all the goodies for them to eat?!  And it doesn't help having it here at home either!  That's why I send it home with friends and family.  I don't want it at my house!  But I love to bake and cook - I just need to find healthier recipes!

Speaking of baking and cooking, I still need to have some of the grandchildren over to do just that!  I understand one grandchild is sick - I think we were planning on that group coming over on Saturday afternoon.  Sure hope he is better soon.  Tonight we are cooking part of a meal and taking over to the House of Refuge and 'serving' the men there.  We enjoy working with the others in our former 'small group' and cooking for these men trying to get a new start on life.  Tomorrow night we are scheduled for dinner with a large group of friends from over the years.  It will be good to see many we haven't seen for a long time.

So how are you doing with your Christmas preparations?  Got your baking done, gifts purchased and wrapped?  Good for you!  We are in countdown mode now - today is the 15th so we have ten more days!  Don't forget to take care of YOU in the process!

Blessings!

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Forgiveness

My sister watches Dr. Phil and the other day he had a woman there who had written the book, The Devil in Pew Number Seven.  She wanted me to get the book and read it, as she also had ordered it. So I downloaded it on my Nook and have been reading it.  I'm down to the last twenty pages or so, but I have been through a round of emotions as I have read this.  Yes, tears, anger, fear, amazement - through it all.  Without telling you the story - which is a true story - it is a story of forgiveness.   I still find it difficult to believe such things happened in the 1970's and 80's.  I wonder if this is an isolated true story - or are there others who endured the same.  

This morning in my quiet time with God I pondered again what I had read in this story.  Forgiveness versus unforgiveness.   It is easy to say 'I forgive you' but it is harder to mean 'I forgive you with my heart and mind'.   Jesus said we are to forgive 490 times.  So, does that mean we put a mark down every time we forgive someone?  We only have to forgive them 490 times and after that we don't have to?  No, it means we are to be continually forgiving them.  Sometimes that means every time the hurt comes back, the wrong comes to mind, we may need to verbally say "I forgive ____."   Sometimes it may be every little bit, sometimes daily.  Sometimes it may be just once a year.  But we have to re-forgive every time it comes back.

So what happens in forgiveness when one is abused by their step-father and he denies (although caught in the act) doing anything when confronted by one step daughter, yet tells another step daughter he was wrong and asks for forgiveness?   That is one I have had to deal with.  I was abused by my step father.  I buried a lot of my childhood memories so that I didn't have to remember.  When I finally did remember through counseling, I wrote a letter and confronted my step father.  He denied it all.  Yet, I still needed to forgive him.  And I still need to forgive him today.  When he died, I felt no sadness, no loss.  I attended the funeral to be with my mother, not to remember him.  In the last ten years of my mother's life, we became very close and I knew she was so sorry for what had happened.  It doesn't erase what did happen, but it makes forgiveness much easier. 

It isn't only forgiving others, it is forgiving myself for things I have done and said to others.  It is forgiving the boss who was so evil I nearly left my job over him.  It is forgiving our children when they say things in their own pain, that hurt you.  It is forgiving our spouses when they do or say things that hurt.  Sometimes it is forgiving strangers for they things they have done.  It is forgiving hatefulness, and rudeness, and just plain meanness.  It's all out there in this world. 

A world that God created and wanted it to be a paradise for us.  But sin came in and changed all that.  So God sent His Son, Jesus Christ, as a newborn baby, born in a manger - not as a king, but as King.  How precious we are in His sight!  How faithful He is to us and how glorious that He forgives us time and time again, each time that we fall, each time that we seek His face.   In His mercy, He has forgiven me.  And I choose to forgive others. 

Jesus said that if we don't forgive others, we will not be forgiven.  Read it - it is right after the Lord's Prayer in Matthew  -

   Our Father in heaven,
Hallowed be Your name.
10 Your kingdom come.
Your will be done
On earth as it is in heaven.
11 Give us this day our daily bread.
12 And forgive us our debts,
As we forgive our debtors.
13 And do not lead us into temptation,
But deliver us from the evil one.
For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.[c]

14 “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

I decided a long time ago that I was not going to allow unforgiveness of anyone keep me out of heaven!  I wanted my sins to be forgiven, therefore, I needed to forgive others.  God will take care of any punishment.  By not forgiving them, I kept myself in punishment.  I choose LIFE - and I pray that you do too.

Who do you need to forgive - howbeit reluctantly - today?  Don't let the sin of unforgiveness keep you from being forgiven!

Blessings!

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

DONE!..... well, almost.....

I believe I have completed my Christmas shopping.  And, not only completed it, I have it all wrapped and under the tree!  Well, except for Tom's things.  I mean, what I have for him has been wrapped, but not under the tree.  We usually just put the others under the tree and keep ours out - and bring them out Christmas morning along with our stockings for each other.    Tom has been a difficult one to buy for this year.  Come to think about it, most everyone has been difficult to buy for this year!  I would much rather look at things to buy that they 'want' or 'need' - but except for the few lists I received, it has been a guessing game.  Tom gave me a verbal list - but they weren't 'fun' things.  There is nothing  he nor I need and although I have some 'wants' - they are not in the Christmas budget.   Still, I know that whatever I receive I will love.  I always do.

I baked nearly all day yesterday.  Made only one batch of cookies and made several breads, muffins and tiny bite-size muffins of my cranberry pumpkin nut 'bread'.  I love this bread, and if you heat it in the microwave for about ten seconds before eating a slice - yum, the cranberries will burst open with flavor.   Sent some with Tom to give to Ralph as they are meeting for breakfast this morning.  The rest went in the freezer. Today I want to make my bread and butter pickles.  Got the cucumbers and onions setting on the counter, waiting for me to get started.  Need to put the jars on to boil yet.  I enjoy doing this too. Plus the pickles are soooo good!

I probably won't make my salsa this year to give away... unless I can think of someone who would want it.  One son still has some of when his daughter was here and made some.  I can't believe he still has it.  We go through our salsa within a very short time.  Still, Tom likes it so perhaps I need to go ahead and make it.  I will try to can some of it.... I have before, but I'm always leery of doing that.  My salsa, after about 3-4 weeks, will begin to ferment in the jar.  Bubbles will form on the inside of the jar, and if you open it, this bubbling 'stuff' will begin to foam and flow over the top of the jar.  LOL  Needless to say, by then we just throw it away.  Doesn't usually get to that stage anymore - only one time when I forgot a jar in the back of the refrigerator.

So - today will be bread and butter pickle day - and once that is completed, will decide what I want to do.  So - technically, I am 'done' with Christmas preparations.  Until I decide to bake some more.  I mentioned making snickerdoodles this afternoon.  Mmmmm.  Very few places can make snickerdoodles like mine.  I still need to get the grandchildren over here to make Christmas mice and cookies.  I still have lots of cookie dough and pretzels and chocolate and all the things needed for a fun time.  I need to contact the parents and see if I can't get them in the evening for a couple hours - perhaps right after school. 

My brother has issued the challenge for a half marathon walking our canal come March.  My little sissy and I said we were 'in'.   But, in talking with her later, she has things going on at the time he suggested, so I suggested perhaps making it June and us going to Indy.  Will have to check that out with bro and see what he wants to do.  

Of course my 'free' time for vacations will depend on if and when I get a job.  I must admit, I haven't looked that hard just yet.  When I made the decision to 'retire early', I really wanted to take November and December off to play and just regain my life.  And, I feel I have been able to do just that.  I feel my time off has helped me physically (although I still need to go to the gym), emotionally (I'm a lot less crabby, I think) and spiritually (I get to spend what I call 'Quality' time with God each morning).  It has also helped relationally in that Tom has learned to give me some space (as I have him) and because I am here all the time, he doesn't have to fight for time with me. 

I have applied for one position a few weeks ago and need to follow up on it today.  I have checked the want ads in the paper.  I see a few out there I could apply for, but I truly want to stay in my 'home area' so that I don't have to spend all my time on the road each morning.  I still have one lead I have not followed up on yet, from a medical director whom I used to work with.   I am facing a little over two weeks when I will not have medical insurance for me.  Need to find something to cover me, so am checking into single insurance until I get a job.  Praise God I am healthy and do not need constant medical care.  Tom already has medicare and has his supplement plan all set up for January 1 so he is taken care of.  I'm still too young for medicare!  :-)

So, how are you doing on your Christmas shopping and baking?   You still have plenty of time, yes, but don't wait until the last minute so that your Christmas is filled with rushing about and no time for reflection

Blessings!

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Baking with the grandchildren...and other Christmas memories

I love this time of year - not that it couldn't happen any other time - but I get the grandchildren and we bake cookies, make Christmas mice, and whatever else we want to come up with.  Two of the grandchildren (Tricia and Stevie) came over last night and we baked cookies.  Meant to make the Christmas mice, but unfortunately, I screwed up.  I bought a jar of halves of maraschino cherries - not the whole cherries with the stem!  So - will need to go out today and find the cherries I need.   Tricia and Stevie did make a peppermint cookie house - and while we were out shopping enroute to my house, they were able to pick up some Christmas gifts for their mom and dad.  That was fun too.  We ended the evening watching "Miracle on 34th Street" (the old one).  Mom and Dad arrived to pick them up about 5 minutes before the end of it so we made them stay and watch it too.

Since we didn't get the Christmas mice made last night, Tricia and Stevie will get to come back for another evening of fun.  I am also looking forward to getting Bethany, Ralphie, Nathan and David one night and also Cody, Tommy and Hailey.  I have so much fun with the grandchildren!  We used to make crafts but just can't do that anymore.  Now it is baking - and I think they enjoy that too.

My difficulty this year with getting the grandchildren is not that I'm working and can't find time for them - they are in school until December 23rd this year!   Will have to figure out something so that we can continue this favored tradition of mine that has the grandchildren coming to the house to bake cookies.  The best part?  I get to spend time with them - and for them, getting to take the cookies home!  It's a win-win situation. Plus mom and dad get time too!

Tom and I have slowly been going through our Christmas movies I like to watch each December.  We started back in November with "White Christmas" - watching it with Bethany.  There are just some classics you have to be sure to pass on to the grandchildren.  "Miracle on 34th Street" is another classic.  Of course some of the younger grandchildren also go for 'Gumby" at Christmastime and a few of the other 'cartoons'. Then there is 'It's a Wonderful Life'.  People who get down on themselves need to watch that one - they can realize how their lives do affect other people.

I wonder if my children remember watching the movies and if they started it in their home.....probably not.  My parents didn't either - these were just some of the Christmas movies I love to watch. I don't remember any real Christmas traditions my parents had, other than my step-father pounding on our bedroom doors early in the morning and telling us Santa Claus had been there and to get up. Oh, and mama always fixed a big breakfast.  As a family with 11 children (I had 3 real brothers, two real sisters, one half brother, two step brothers and two step sisters) it was pretty crowded when it came to everyone getting together Christmas morning.  Once married and out of the house with our own families, the 'real' and 'step' divided up.  My side (the 'real' side) took Christmas Eve with the stipulation mama still had to cook her delicious Christmas breakfast.  I may be wrong, but I remember mama's fried chicken,  biscuits and gravy, ham...and I'm sure there was a lot more.  The 'steps' took Christmas morning.

The first Christmas after my real dad passed away in 1957, I remember a family from the church, Lindsay and Myrtle Ganote, taking us children shopping and buying us a toy and an outfit for Christmas.  I remember I got a doll that year.  I wish I would remember that more often.  How many single parents are out there due to a death of a loved spouse and are struggling to bring joy to Christmas for their children?   With divorce, the children still have two parents - and probably get more gifts than before.  But with death, not only is the spouse who is left lonely and struggling with their own things, but trying to make the first holiday special still.  Lord, if there is someone I need to help, please bring them to mind. 

I know we have Angel Tree for those who are in prison so that their children can have a gift from them, but this is different.  They are in prison for things they did wrong.  Death is final.   Lord, please bring to mind to those who read this blog, someone they can take a meal to, buy a small gift for, give some financial support.  How can You use us this year, Lord?

My mind is reviewing Christmas pasts.... I remember my 14th Christmas.....I wanted a 'hope chest'.  Some of you readers may not know what that is.  It is a big wooden 'chest' that girls would put in items for when they got married; or just special things they wanted to keep.  I wanted one so badly and my older sister had already received hers years before, along with my step sisters.  It was my turn.  Christmas morning came.  It wasn't out there for me.  I received the clothes, and I'm not sure what else.  I remember feeling so sad.  After all the gifts were opened and people were starting to move about and put things away, my stepfather disappeared outside with someone.  I didn't pay any attention.  Then they came walking in with my Lane Cedar Chest!  I was so happy then!  I still have that cedar chest too.  It still holds treasured memories of different things.  Over the years I've passed on to my children some that I hope they have hung on to for their children.  Yeah, I am a 'passer-on' person.  Sometimes that is good.  Sometimes it is good we let it 'die'.

Ok - I need to get off here and get going rather than thinking of 'Christmas past' - lots to do today before going to watch a grandson in a Christmas play tonight.  Now THAT is going to be a special memory too!

Who can you bless this Christmas that needs a blessing?  Stop and ask God to bring someone to mind whom you can bring some joy to this year.

Blessings!

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Still shopping....

One would think that with all the shopping I have done, I would be finished!  But, alas, I am not.  BUT, I am a lot closer!  Spent two hours out shopping this morning, came home to clean up as I was going to pick up two of the grandchildren from school - but while I was in the shower was told I didn't need to pick up.  So here I am and I could have gotten a couple more hours shopping done!   I'm down to one or two people now.  I think.  Considering I started out with about 17 or so - that isn't bad at all!   That doesn't count who I will bake/can and give to.  I hope to start that next week.  Want to get all the shopping out of the way first.

I realized last night that I still have the adult stockings to fill.  Yeah, I started that (again) a few years back.  Not the grandchildren, just the children and their spouses.  They may be skimpy this year but will attempt to put some things in.  Tom and I still do stockings for each other.  My stocking (and his) is about 3 feet long.  Ok, maybe 2 1/2 feet.  And they are always full Christmas morning. :)

Today is my daughter-in-law's 40th birthday.  I must say she is a blessing in our family.  She has taught me so much over the years.  God has truly blessed me personally by bringing her into our lives.  Today is also her mother's birthday - how cool is that!!   I wish them both lots of birthday blessings - they both deserve it!  I gave my son her birthday gifts the other day - I wonder if I should text him to remind him to give to her!

Whatever I was going to write has escaped me now so guess this is it for today.  Hope that you are having a great day.

Blessings!

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Things are falling into place....

I finally have lists or ideas from the other two children so hopefully can finish up their family's shopping this week.  I want to go out for a bit this morning and try to get some shopping done.  I do love shopping when most are at work.  I used to take vacation days the first part of December versus around Christmas so that I could shop while everyone else was working.  I don't do crowds real well, especially when they are rude and pushy!

Ralph and I did a lot of walking yesterday - sure do wish I had worn my Nike shoes where I could track how far we walked.  I was so tired last night from all the walking, unpacking, decorating and wrapping that I slept all through the night! How did you sleep, Ralph?  Were you as tired as me?

I completed my task of getting the tree up yesterday, decorated, and nearly all the gifts already purchased (which are not many) wrapped.  I have several Christmas items like I mentioned yesterday out around the house.  I have a lot of Christmas things I am taking down to Savers this morning.  Now to keep in the de-clutter mode and continue to get rid of things!  Even with good intentions, and wanting to do it, sometimes it is still hard to 'let go' of some of the 'clutter'.   AND, what others may say is clutter, may be a memory for me and until I am ready to let it go, I refuse to get rid of it.  (That comment is for those who read this blog and want to tell me what to get rid of!)

Not  much to talk about today - needing to scan the job ads, sale ads, load the car with the Saver items and get on the road.  Have a meeting early this afternoon so want to get as much done today as I can.  I'm looking forward to getting started on my baking and canning!  Need to schedule time for the grandchildren to come over and do their baking things too.  One of my favorite parts of Christmas - being with the grandchildren.  I am blessed!

Are you really busy right now too?  Are you still taking time to spend time with God before you hit the road running?  Don't forget to give Him your 'first-fruit' of the day... the first hour, if possible.  You will never regret giving Him your thoughts, your time, the first part of the day.  It does make the day go by much easier when He is in control.

Blessings!

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

No, I still do not have favorites.....

but, I sure did enjoy spending the day with my middle child today.  We did a lot of walking and a lot of shopping and I enjoyed it a lot.  He even took me to lunch at a place he liked and I had not been to before.  All in all, this is a day I will treasure.  Thank you, Ralph!

I had hubby bring in ALL the Christmas items and boxes we had stored out in the shed - and I cleaned out the storage closet.  We have LOTS going to Savers tomorrow.  I decided I needed to get rid of some clutter - even though it comes out only once a year.  I don't put everything out - and if I'm not using it - why keep it!  So, the Christmas tree is up and all our ornaments are on it.  I thought I had given all the grandchildren their ornaments last year from all the years we have given them. (will explain below)  But - to my surprise, I found several bags of ornaments with the grandchildren's name on it.  Guess I will need to get them sent out so that they can put on their own tree.

Ok - the Christmas ornaments for the grandchildren.  Years ago, when my children were born, my in-laws started the tradition of giving each child an ornament every year - so that when they got married or moved out and had their very own tree, they would have their very own ornaments to put on it.  I started that tradition when each of my grandchildren were born.  Obviously the 20 years old has more than the 5 years old, but it is still a start.  Yes, I'm still giving an ornament out - but since we don't put up a 'grandchildren tree' anymore, they may as well put on their own tree.  Yeah, we used to have two trees.  (Actually at one time we had five)  The smaller tree was the 'grandchildren tree' and they would hang their ornaments on it every year.  Then we would make gifts for their parents, wrap and put under that tree for their parents to open on Christmas morning when they came over.  We stopped doing that a few years back as I had run out of ideas for the grandchildren to make for their parents.  So - now when they come over we bake cookies, make Christmas mice, or I find some other treat for them to make - and take home.

Ironically, we also found the container that has the grandchildren's Christmas tree in it.  I wonder if anyone needs it - if not, it will go to Savers as well.  Will have to check with everyone.  I have wreaths and a few other little things - I just can't put everything out anymore.  Still, I do have lots of things setting out.  Precious memories on several ones, like the Santa sitting on a train that I bought the year after my brother, who loved trains, died.  I have the Santa sleeping in the bed - and snoring - that my mama had put out every year.  I have a stuffed animal I named 'Aspen' that gets put out - a gift from my sister-in-law and brother-in-law when we did a late November trip to Lake of the Woods.  Have a Santa that won't stop laughing that my sissy sent me last year.  Another dog on a sleigh that sings and barks from the in-laws.  I love Christmas, I love the TRUE meaning of Christmas, and I love the celebration of the holiday.  Christmas is my favorite time of year.

I hope to finish up my shopping this week so that I can start my baking and canning next week.  Have picked up cucumbers and onions to make my bread and butter pickles.  I don't have to make as many this year I guess with not working.  Oh, I did find a 'white elephant' gift to take for the Finance Christmas party that I was invited to later this month.  I hope everything will work out so that I can go.

So how are things coming along with your Christmas shopping?  Are you caught up in all the hustle and bustle of the holiday season - and have you stopped to take time to put Christ back into Christmas?  What are your plans up until then?  Lots of shopping yet to do?   Whatever you decide to do - keep in mind what the REAL reason for this season is.  Celebrate Jesus!

Blessings!