Work was busy yesterday; so much so that I again didn't 'break' for lunch, but I fix myself a hamburger. This may sound odd, but as old as I am, know what I have 'discovered'? I have pretty much always bought hamburger in the packages (of which you don't know how long it has been packaged). This last weekend, on a whim, I not only bought a package of hamburger, aka ground beef, in a package, I bought a little over a pound of 'fresh' ground beef from the meat deli area. I could not believe how much more flavor the meat from the meat deli was versus what we buy in a package. I noticed it when I fixed us tacos the other night, using the same meat. There was a little ground beef left over so I cooked it up yesterday as a hamburger. Flavor. Just hadn't really thought about it before. I have when we have gone out - as you have probably noticed as well.
Some fast foods, and some restaurants, their ground beef sandwiches, aka hamburgers, cheeseburgers, etc., have taste - and some don't. I know when we ate at Coco's a few years ago and I got the cheeseburger, I often commented on how good it tasted. Unfortunately, they are now closed. Some fast food places will have good hamburgers, and others won't. Why is that? Not going to call any place out - I don't know if I could even remember who had good that impressed me. Think about it - which fast food place has hamburgers that really do have taste. Which fast food place does not? I think I will be buying from the meat deli my hamburger from now on, plus where we eat out at and determine which hamburger I think has the best flavor and make a mental note to return there. I do love me a good hamburger!
After my workout last night, in which my trainer was very mean to me, my daughter did the drive to my house so we could work on our project. First time we have gotten together for a few weeks. It was good to catch up on life and what has been going on. Yes, I've seen her a few times, but we really haven't had the opportunity to talk. Hubby was at his bible study so it was good for us to be alone. We got a lot done on our project too. It was a good time to be together - and she brought dinner! Always good to have food to start our time together.
I'm drawing a blank as to what to write about so I 'may' do some ramblings here today. I know, what else is new, right? At least I give you something to read.
I mentioned my trainer was mean last night. I know it is for my own good, but I was almost reduced to tears at my inability to complete the exercise. I like to think of myself as limber and somewhat strong. But I hate some of the leg exercises she made me do. Yes, I used the word hate. The first one was with the (I know I'm saying it all wrong) barbells across my shoulders and going down into a lunge position full, then half x 8. Then a smaller barbell across the shoulders and bending over and stretching the - what is it called? - the back of the legs. I've lost my mind, can't think what it is called. Anyway, x 10 then do both of these for 3 sets. From there she took me to one leg machine I absolutely detest and I have NEVER liked it and have always avoided it. (Because I always feel my butt is on display and it is so big!!) I tried to tell her that. But I had to do them anyway. 10 of full, 10 of half, 10 of full and hold for a count of 2 - and all times 3 sets. I knew she was helping me on the 3rd one but my eyes were full of water and I didn't care! I am feeling it somewhat this morning. HAMSTRINGS!! That is the word I was trying to think of earlier! DUH. She stretched my HAMSTRINGS. Anyway, that all took up my 30 minutes. At one point she asked if I was going to pass out, but I told her I wasn't dizzy. She said that I was looking pretty white. By this time I had a pounding headache from the exercise. She has already 'warned' me that Thursday we will be working on core. That makes me cry too. She puts my feet on these sliders and I have to pull myself up - now, I consider myself somewhat strong, but I am so out of shape, even after a year of working out. I simply must get out and get walking in. Sold my treadmill and I haven't used my trampoline that much. I need to do something; I can't stand not being able to accomplish some of these simple tasks. It gives me great anguish to give in to getting old. AND, she put me in front of the mirror for the first three sets - and all I could focus on was how gray my hair has gotten!!
So how is that for rambling and filling up space and 'stuff' for you to read this morning?
Not sure what is going on with me this morning. I feel this heaviness, and that if I allowed myself, I could burst out in tears. Am I the only one who gets these emotional feelings? Of course I don't allow myself to cry; I have no reason to cry. Well, I probably do, but I bury it. Big girls don't cry, right? God has seen many of my tears over the years. Tears for my repentance, tears for my children, and even for grandchildren and great grandchildren. Some circumstances break my heart and bring the tears. I remember when I heard about my sister, Jackie, being taken to the hospital, and then finding out why.... I cried on her behalf out to God to save her. He chose not to. I've cried for grandchildren and great grandchildren. I've especially cried over my children. But, with not knowing why this morning, I feel like if I could just have a few more hours alone this morning, I could release the tears that I hold back. Until you are a parent..... you can not understand the tears we hold back. Some day something will trigger, and there will be no stopping them. You want to know why I cry during some movies? Yeah, it's like I can just release a little bit. Sometimes it helps to watch a sad movie so that I can get that release without someone questioning why I am crying. Crying is good for the soul. It brings great relief. Some of us hold back, and the pressure and the hurt just doesn't go away....until we can let go of the tears, the pain we hold within. My life has been painful, for sure. I just can't allow myself to cry unless I am alone with my Jesus. He gathers me in His arms and comforts me. He restores my soul.
Psalm 56:8 (NKJV): You number my wanderings; put my tears in Your bottle. Are they not in Your Book?
Mark 9:24 (NKJV): Immediately the father of the child cried out and said with tears, "Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!"
Luke 7:38 (NKJV): and stood at His feet behind him weeping; and she began to wash His feet with her tears, and wiped them with the hair of her head; and she kissed His feet and anointed them with fragrant oil.
Tears. They come in many ways. In grief, in sorrow, in loss, even in joy tears come. Many times we are touched in our hearts and yet, we hold them back. We don't want others to see how much their touch felt, we don't want people to see how deeply our hearts long for ............ whatever it is. We bury our tears and don't let them out. I know, I'm so very guilty of holding tears in. Some funerals I refuse to allow myself to cry... others I cannot keep the tears from falling. It is hard for me to go to funerals. Some I can get through without a problem, but many I cannot stop the tears from falling and I often feel that it is more than the loss of that person... it is my life I am crying over. The pain that I hold in will come out in my tears for something else, and I know others don't understand. Which is probably why I was reluctant (and disappointed in myself) to go to my friend's funeral the other week. I wanted to. But I was afraid of my tears. Yet, when I allow myself to cry, it cleanses me.
What about you? How do you deal with your tears? Do you allow your tears to fall when they come upon you - or do you, like me - fight to keep the tears and the emotions buried? I feel we should perhaps look at those times. If someone hurts us, even unintentionally by their behavior or words; if there is sickness that needs prayer; we need to let the tears fall and just bury ourselves at the feet of Jesus and let Him restore us, comfort us, love us. Oh how I love those times when I give up and let Him take my pain! Sometimes it is hard to admit what I feel. But God already knows. He's just waiting for me... and for you... to let down our guard and let the tears fall. He gathers each one in to a bottle.
Jeremiah is one of my favorite prophets. Why? Because he was known as the weeping prophet, and I can identify with his tears for his people, his country. God stored every tear he cried. And He will do it for us as well.
Let the tears flow. It is good for the soul.
Blessings!
