As I sit here this morning, getting ready to write in here, I am reminded I wanted to talk about 'no plan B' - but I'm not really in the mood for it. Sounds terrible, doesn't it? I don't know what I'm going through, but I wish it would get gone. I'm tired, I'm cranky, and I just want to be alone. I guess I should just leave that there. Didn't sleep well last night and didn't want to get up this morning and don't want to work and just want to run away. And I'm feeling crabby.
No, I didn't eat like I should yesterday. I intentionally ate things I shouldn't have (think chocolate) (3-4 pieces of it) and my life in general. Do you ever get tired of just 'life'? Too bad we don't get second chances with life, right? I certainly would make different choices - at least I can hope I would be much wiser than I was originally. I know, none of that makes sense.
Our group study went well last night. We are almost finished with the book of Revelation. It's the last book of the Bible and many people choose NOT to read it - for various reasons. Some, because it is too deep. Others, because they don't want to know what the future holds. Someone had sent me a video clip and I listened to it yesterday and it was like "wow" - hadn't thought of it that way.
Revelation 20:14-15 Then death and Hades were thrown into the lake of fire. The lake of fire is the second death. Anyone whose name was not found written in the book of life was thrown into the lake of fire.
Revelation 21:4 He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.
This video was saying that (21:4) He will wipe every tear from their eyes..... is because in 20:14-15 it says anyone whose name was not found written in the book of life was thrown into the lake of fire.
The video claimed that the tears come from those whose name IS written in the book of life and they are seeing those they love thrown into the lake of fire, and their hearts are grieved. Those they prayed for and they didn't accept Jesus as Lord, those who say they accepted Jesus but their lives did not reflect it, those who thought being 'good' was 'good enough' to get them into heaven. Those were thrown into the lake of fire, and those who loved them were crying - but God wipes away their tears and the tears fall no more. It was an interesting video. I have no idea how to put it in here, but it made me think.
Some days I don't think I'm even going to make it. Not that our God isn't good. Not that our Lord isn't forgiving - or that I have done something so bad that I can't be forgiven. Nearly every day I pray that God will forgive me for those things I have done or said wrong. Most days I'm a mess, as you know. Some of you know the angst of my moods, if you have been reading here for awhile.
My heart grieves for my children who just don't care about Jesus. I don't want them in hell. I don't even want myself in hell. Even those I don't care for, I don't want them in hell. But what am I doing about it? I tell myself all I can do is 'pray' - and I do! Many times throughout the day - and many times throughout the wakeful nights. I often find myself going back to a prayer by John Wesley. I think that I've shared it here before - probably years before. But, it bears sharing again. I refer back to this prayer frequently, for I often feel such a mess and so unworthy to even pray to such an Awesome and Great God. Do you ever feel that way? That you are so 'bad' that God can't forgive you? And yet, you know that if you just ask Him, He will - and He does.
