So much is going on right now that I somehow feel 'all over the place' in my prayers and in my thoughts. Do you ever feel that way? I don't need to elaborate on the things going on, but just to mention a few.... one son improving his health the only way he can at this time, another son getting drunk and passing out and going to the hospital only to be released and thinking its a joke, a brother-in-law having t-cell cancer treatment that is experimental, a sister having surgery today to 'tie up loose ends' (just to put it as a joke), a brother who is not in good health, and ..well, there are no words. Another brother trying to be pro-active on his health and doing what he can to stay active and healthy and encouraging me to do the same. A sister-in-law who has the early stages of dementia that seem to be progressing, a brother-in-law in poor health and gets confused easily (had to go back to a flip phone and still gets confused). Hubby, who has his own confusion and forgetfulness difficulties. And then there is me, and all my mess. I often wonder if God ever gets tired of me beating on His door for help.
But today, when I chatted with God, I asked Him for wisdom. Please make me wise, Lord. Why? Because many times I don't know what to say to people when they do stupid things. An interesting thing... one son and I discussed things I did in my single years and it wasn't a putdown, but an acknowledgement of memory. I'm so sorry it is a memory. And last night, another son brought up the same thing... only it came out as a putdown... you know, 'you did it so don't get after me' type tone. Shamed? Yes. I felt so ashamed once again that I got drunk (there, I just said it) in front of my children. (not that not in front of them was ok). I did a lot of stupid things while I was single. A lot. And I am so ashamed of that time period in my life. But God rescued me from that life and drew me to Him and changed my life forever. I won't say it has been an easy life, for it hasn't, as you know. I've still made mistakes. And I still make mistakes. But I'm asking God to make me wise so that I don't say things I shouldn't say; do things I shouldn't do, but that in all things I honor Him as my Lord and Savior.
Life is hard, sometimes, but it is also because of our own makings. Agree? We have to deal with consequences, and I guess my past being brought up (it's bad enough my sister does it at times!) by my children just seems to hurt more, because I made my life about me and not about them. Looking back, I see what I did wrong. But at that time, one would have to know my growing up years to know how it shaped me and removed any conscience of doing things wrong. Ok - enough about that!
Life is hard, but by the grace of God, and His tender mercies for me (and you) He walks with me through the pain of the past and the struggles of the now. In Him I can have Joy, I can have Peace. Sometimes we have to let go of our pride to enjoy Grace.
Enjoyed my breakfast with Sue yesterday morning. Had a somewhat busy afternoon. No, still haven't completed the minutes; maybe today (or maybe not). Had to list all three boards and their members and terms to send to our new COO who is taking over this division. Now I'm praying all three boards will be taken away from me and given to someone else. And that I will be given a severance package and offered retirement. I would take it, too! And then after boredom sits in and I get things done that I want to get done, I'll find a part time job for play money.
Today I have a blood draw at 8:30 and then a leg workout at 10:30. Other than that, it will be working all day. I decided yesterday to take Friday off work. I'm off Monday-Wednesday-Friday next week. I just need some space and with hubby gone Friday morning, I can get some things done without him here. My daughter and SIL will be arriving tomorrow night for a couple days - they head back Sunday morning. I can make sure the sheets are clean (they should be) on the bed, maybe clean up around this chair. It's a good thing they are staying here, otherwise I probably wouldn't see them but a few minutes. They are coming in for a granddaughter's dance program on Saturday (which we will be going to as well) and will be spending most of their time with them. And that's fine. I understand. The SIL will put up my Blink cameras and will help with whatever I ask him to do for me. I'm writing down little projects that won't take much time. :-) Although there isn't much, really.
Jeremiah 23:24 (NIV): Who can hide in secret places that I cannot see them," declares the Lord. "Do I not fill heaven and earth?" declares the Lord.
How many times do we do something 'in secret', thinking that no one can see us, therefore, no one knows? But God always knows. He's like that 'big brother' looking over your shoulder to see you cheat on your taxes, pick up something you shouldn't be picking up, doing something you shouldn't be doing. Why do we do that? Why do we think we can do things in secret and no one will ever know? We do it in secret because we know we shouldn't be doing it in the first place - or we would have done it openly. Right? Think about taking out the trash. You wouldn't sneak it out of the house, would you? You take it out openly. I have no idea what that picture came to my mind. But I guess there is another way we can think about the 'trash' being taken out....
Let's put our 'garbage', the things we hold on to in our minds, all that crappy bad stuff, all that past stuff in our life that we are ashamed of and don't want anyone to know about us.... and put it in the garbage bag and then boldly walk it out to the trash can and throw it in! Our shame does not define us. Other people do not define us. In Christ we are renewed and are new beings. It's a choice! And it is the best choice that we can make. I chose being renewed - even daily - versus carrying a big bag of shame on my shoulders. Bad behavior not only destroys you, it destroys those you love. It ruins relationships. It crushes hopes and dreams. But we can be renewed in Christ and change our lives for His glory.
I guess I'm all over the place this morning, aren't I? And my time is getting away from me and I need to get the work computer on, take a quick shower and get dressed.
On a good note, hubby washed his clothes yesterday in the new washer - and it didn't stink up the house! Love it! It was really bad before, trust me! Bad enough I wanted a new washer!
Have an amazing day!
Blessings!
