I realize I messed up the days and prime days start today, right? I was thinking it was yesterday, and I brought up Amazon during the day and looked at the screen for a few minutes, thinking to myself "what do I need to look at?" and could think of nothing, so shut it off. Seriously. There is nothing I need to buy. Yes, I still look, in case something should 'pop out' to me that I could get for someone, but there is nothing I can think of that anyone needs. (erase erase) Wow - I don't know where all that came from, but I felt I needed to erase it.
I really do need to tear down some of these boxes I have in here today. Tomorrow is recycle day and I have stacks of boxes in the garage as well. I can go and work out my issues tearing down boxes, right? I want to start moving things out of that back room so that I can begin to plan on putting my Christmas trees up next month (yes, I will wait until November). I just don't want supervision... and perhaps I am just imagining it. I don't want 'help'; I want to do it 'all by myself'. It's 'my' thing, and I want to do it. Make sense? I appreciate the offers of help; I appreciate others wanting to help, but if I want the help, I will ask for it - right? Am I being too stubborn and picky?
I was awake at 2:13AM this morning and I have no idea why. When I wake up like that, I start at the top and start praying down. Finally, I'm asking God, "Why am I awake?" and today I got no response so I continued to pray for various ones who came back to mind. Oh that their lives would be turned to Jesus and they would let Him have control.
I've been reading in another book by Dr. David Jeremiah and it's interesting. It's about Revelations, about the end of the world. Can't think of the name of it at the moment. The first part of each chapter is a story... and the second half is the scripture that goes with the story, and an explanation. It is really opening my eyes to what will happen. We are already in the wars and rumors of wars, earthquakes, floods, etc. - the antichrist will show up soon. Then Jews and Christians will be slaughtered. And I wonder, if I am still here, will I cower, or will I stand firm as a Christian? There have been times in my life I would have easily stood in my faith. But I have been beaten up mentally and emotionally so much over the years about my walk with Jesus, that I have begun to question myself. I pray every day that I will stand for Jesus and no matter what comes at me, I will not falter. I am just being honest here. Every Christian will tell you they will stand. But when it comes down to persecution, will they? One of the stories I read was an underground church was being raided and they were told to denounce Jesus or die... as the seconds passed, a few did. I don't want to be 'one of those'.... they will regret that choice for the rest of their lives, Some denounced Jesus with the excuse they had to have the 'numbers' put on them so that they could buy food for their children, their families. I know that the mother and father instinct will kick in at that... we all want our children to be taken care of, regardless of what it does to us. BUT... Jesus is and must come first - no matter what man may do to you. Will we make it through the tribulation if we are not taken up in the Rapture? I want to go in the Rapture, regardless of how much I love my children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren - I want to be with Jesus.
Psalm 63:3-4 (NIV): Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands.
Have you ever stopped to think about how much Jesus loves you? He is the Alpha and Omega - the beginning and the end. Jesus was with God the Father and the Holy Spirit when the world was created. He is still here, waiting for you to call on Him. Oh that you would give thought to Him and praise His name! There is none like Him! He is the Rock on which we stand; our firm foundation, that our house will not fall. Great and mighty is He, and all things are in His hands. His love for you is so great, He patiently waits for you to seek Him. I don't know that I would have that much patience. But Jesus does. But there will come a time when the waiting is over, and a decision needs to be made. Don't wait too long; it may be too late.
Our neighbors, who do not speak to us and we don't know why, have gone to Joplin, MO. How do I know? Because I got a text from him saying they would be Joplin last night and could we meet for dinner. LOL I text'd back that I think he sent it to the wrong person, but thanks for the invite. Several hours later, he commented back "Sorry, wrong person". The only thing we can think of is that when hubby was president of the HOA, they wanted to extend their property in the back and add a large patio. It wasn't up to hubby; but the management company measured where they wanted it, and told them no, because 8 ft of that was community property. That made them mad and I guess she can send very harsh emails. Anyway... they haven't spoken to us since. They have their own circle of friends, and we obviously don't meet their standard of living (they are 'obviously' more wealthy in money than we are), but we are more blessed with Jesus, and I'll take that over money any day.
Hubby got a call yesterday from Dr. Mark's office and they want 'us' to come down on Thursday at 1PM for an appointment. He has received all the records from all the doctors, and the results of the liver tests, and Dr. Mark wants to share them with us and give us some direction on what 'we' need to do. It relieved hubby quite a bit to finally get a call, rather than wait until the end of the month when the original appointment is scheduled. We may need that one too, but I think he made it out aways to be sure we could get in to see the kidney doctor. So here we are. Yes, I will be taking off work to go with him, and take my notebook to write down anything that I can as to what is going on. It helps in writing it down so that I don't confuse what is said with my own opinion. We have not seen a liver doctor yet; Dr. Mark at the last visit said that he would take care of that. We will find out more this visit, and I'm glad it is this week so that we don't have to think so much about the 'what if'. Morgan said that in hubby's workout last night that he seemed more alert and didn't have as much trouble with his memory. Could it be depression is what causes so much of his confusion?
It was good to see my oldest son for a few minutes yesterday. He really looked uncomfortable with his medical issues... sure hope he gets another paracentesis soon for he looked miserable. I do hope there is a cancellation at the liver doctor so he can get in to see them and find out what steps he needs to take next. All I can do is pray.
And with that, I need to jump off and get the work computer turned on. I've noticed that since I have reconciled myself to the 'fact' that I will die sitting at my work desk, (meaning I will work until I die), I'm not as angry or frustrated about working. Does that even make sense? I resented having to work while others got to play. Now I don't feel so frustrated, but I have a lot to learn on how to do things because I resisted before, hoping I would get 'permission' to retire. That isn't going to happen, and I like having my own money (which I would totally lose if I wasn't working). So there is that.
Anyway - hope that you have an amazing day and will take time in the day to pause and think about what your relationship with Jesus is.... and maybe ask Him to take control of your life (Jesus, take the wheel?) and use you for His glory. We were created to glorify God. How are we doing with that?
Blessings!
