After my training last night (hubby opted not to go ride the bike and stayed home), we discussed going to the prayer meeting at church. We both agreed lunchmeat sandwiches for dinner. Sure wanted potato chips to go with it. But, alas, did not have any. We discussed even more - are we going or staying home? Finally, I decided that I would stay home because I did need to find something for Saturday's speaking engagement. So hubby stayed home as well. As I knew he would. We do need to get back into going regularly, but we still struggle somewhat with how they do 'prayer meetings'. Yeah, I'm off-track again. Hubby left the TV off and read a book while I brought my computer in to the front room with my portable lapdesk that I use, and started typing. I think I have it all down.... but now I am second guessing myself if sharing about journaling is what they want to hear. I will review it tonight and make changes. Maybe incorporate other things in it. Maybe I will run over to Ross and pick up a journal to 'give away' to someone at the luncheon. Got to think on this - but first thing is I have to complete and approve the words that I want to share! I sure wish I could memorize and just talk... I can't ... I have to have the papers in front of me.
I mentioned yesterday that hubby has decided to go ahead with treatment now rather than waiting. He did talk with the doctor's office yesterday and they will call in a prescription for a pill that he can take for 30 days. According to the office, this pill will prepare his body and prevent any side effects. Not sure how that will work, but I'm not a medical professional. After the 30 days, he will begin going into the office once a month to get a low-dose shot. I guess there are different levels of dosages - low-dose for monthly shots (to make it more tolerable for some), a shot for every three months, and a shot for every six months. Each dosage is much stronger. I think hubby will be able to tolerate the low-dosage monthly versus even the 3 month shot. I think that is what he had gotten last year that he had such side-effects with that he said 'no more'. Prayerfully, he won't have side-effects this time and will complete the course.
As I have processed it all as well, I feel somewhat guilty that I haven't pushed on him to take the shots and find ways around the side-effects. In my defense, either he didn't 'hear' all the doctor said and share it with me, or he 'forgot' critical things the doctor said (refusing to believe it?) and didn't share it... or, and I hate to even think this.... I didn't completely listen to what he was saying. I thought I did hear him, but I thought he was saying his PSA was at a 4 - which made no sense as to why he was being 'forced' to take shots. Even my boss, who is a nurse, couldn't understand it. Did he hear '4' instead of '14' - or did I? The point is that at least now he is going to start getting the treatment he needs to have. My boss said her dad's PSA was at 19 - and he did nothing at age 89 - and he died of 'old age' after a broken hip at 91. Hubby's PSA is at 17.3. Because the cancer is not aggressive, we have a good chance of stopping and shrinking it in size by doing this. Hubby is still afraid, and I get that, I am too. But it is reality that he has to do something and right now this is the only option presented to him.
Proverbs 3:5-6 (NKJV): Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path.
Psalm 18:30 (NKJV): As for God, His way is perfect; the word of the Lord is proven; He is a shield to all who trust in Him.
First and foremost, although God has not answered our prayers - YET - for deliverance from this disease, it doesn't mean He won't. Things that we don't understand nor have control over sometimes can overtake our thought life, but this I know. No matter what hubby will need to go through on this journey, our God will be with us each step of the way. We may never understand the WHY he got this disease, we may never grasp all the consequences of the disease. We may never get past all that, but one thing we know for sure, God is in control. We both have complete faith in whatever He chooses; whichever way He directs.
Could this happen so that we get more focused on Him? Is there things in our life that we need to deal with and make right? We don't know the answers to any of the questions that go through our minds, but one thing we do know, and that is that God is in total control of each and every situation. If this is to cause us to draw nearer to Him; so be it. He has our attention.
Don't let 'things' happen in your life to refocus your attention on Jesus. Even if you walk with Him now, seek Him more, and sit at His feet and learn from Him. You will find that life gets much easier when you do.
Blessings!
