I was shaking mad and upset yesterday morning. A dull headache formed. My youngest son called and as we talked about what had frustrated me, I calmed down. I was ok. Talked with my daughter and all was well there. Still frustrated at the person who did what they did, I commented to my son some things I probably should not have. He must have repeated my comment to the person involved. Things escalated from there, I am afraid. And perhaps I am at fault. Yes, after a sleepless night, that is what I came up with this morning.
Mid-morning my left eye decided to do its own thing and started moving and then went extremely blurry. That lasted perhaps a minute or so. Still had my dull headache. Work was really busy again yesterday, as it has been all week. I went to the gym after work for my workout and just before I began the hammer curls, I felt extremely dizzy and lightheaded and sat down for a few minutes until it passed. Finished my workout and came home, fixed dinner, tried to read, and hubby went to bed a little after 8PM. I wanted to read a little more, so stayed up. Getting to where I wanted to stop reading, my oldest son text'd me and raised some interesting questions. I think I pondered them most of the night, which is a good thing. And God and I had long discussions (ok, so they were one-sided with my conscience) about the entire evening of continuous facebook posts that had been made. My daughter had posted something .....and I called her out on it and said she probably ought to remove it, which she did. I can only imagine that started the deluge of facebook posts .... none of which I responded to, not even when my name was dragged into it. Did I want to respond? Yes. But I did not. I finally sent my son a text about some of the comments. He deleted comments, but not the post.
Romans 12:19 (NKJV): Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, "Vengeance is mine, I will repay", says the Lord.
But the irony of the entire thing.... if irony is the right word.... all the facebook posts centered on what was said to this person last weekend. The one in which I defended this person and confronted the person who had said it and told them they were wrong. The fact it was said, was never denied nor disputed. What I was upset about yesterday morning was the person wronged over the weekend taking their own revenge and retaliation in a meeting with others and airing her personal feelings toward this person, causing a denial process to ensue. That never came up in the posts; only how wounded they are.
How did it become my fault? I am thinking it is because I got upset and said this person was toxic to our family and I was choosing to stay away from them, because of their vengeance and retaliation at a public meeting. But once my youngest son and I talked, I was fine. In fact, I had talked with my son later that day and none of this came up; but I guess I stirred the pot when he posted a comment about truth.... and I laughingly typed to the effect 'that is the truth'.... and from there on... so perhaps it was my statement that set it off again. Or was it more that the son didn't let it go and went at it all day? I don't know. But as I have shared here, I will send him a note this morning and apologize for my part in all this. I never said this person could not come to family functions. I never spoke to them at all, not even in text. I let the words fall without responding, believing they got what they wanted, support from their friends for what was said, but not acknowledging what they did in retaliation.
The last time I looked at the clock was 2:45AM so I'm thinking it will be a long day today. And I have much to do still. I may try to take a nap sometime today, and perhaps an ibuprofen will finally remove this headache that will not go away. The thought occurred to me during the night that I wondered if I had had a mini stroke during the day, what with the headache, the left eye moving and getting blurry, and the dizzy spell at the gym. I believe it was just coincidence it all happened for each time I would start quoting scripture during each..... which scripture?
Jeremiah 17:14 (NKJV): Heal me, O Lord, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved, for You are my praise.
I am human, just like you are. I allow emotions and feelings to get the best of me at times. I am going to 'assume' that there are others that do the same. I still feel I need to take a break from this person, but if I ran into them - whether here or there - I would not diss them. I would still be kind. We ARE called to love the unlovable. Sometimes it has to be from a distance. My oldest son, as mentioned, asked me some hard questions and I am not sure I could even answer them correctly. I am not perfect. Yes, I still do stupid things and let my emotions get the best of things. I did ask God for forgiveness during my wakefulness last night. And I know that He gave it.
Life is hard. Things like this come against others often, I'm sure. I probably reacted poorly. That is on me. Sometimes stepping away is best for awhile. Not saying who is right or who is wrong in this particular situation, but I am owning my own part. Even the 'RevMom' can do wrong.
But we have a great God who is ready and willing to forgive us and walk with us through the consequences of the wrongs. And for that, I am grateful.
Blessings!
