- not that the Virta plan can't work, for it has worked for me. I don't know what it is, but I just cannot get my ketones up to the .5 that they want it at - and what they call 'nutritional ketosis'. All last week; every single day; it was either .1 or .2. The long number is to show I'm eating carbs. UGH. There are some carbs in about everything, I think. But I have been watchful; I have been careful. No cookies, no breads (ok, Saturday I ate two - yes TWO - pieces of sourdough bread with my omelet (which was really good at this restaurant, by the way). No french fries; no potatoes. Life has been tough, let me tell you! Hamburgers without buns. Yesterday for lunch I fixed chicken and stir fry. But the smell of the ginger sauce didn't make it past the smell for me - but hubby ate nearly the entire thing. And, since he did, I didn't have to cook dinner last night. Not sure what he ate, but I fixed my regular protein shake with my Shakeology, which I hadn't done since I started Virta. It has a lot of carbs. Hubby was fussing at me all afternoon.
The past few days I have been extremely tired. Well, perhaps extremely isn't the right word. Let's just say that I have been 'tired'. Not from physical labor, unfortunately, but staring at the computer all day causes my eyes to burn and just sitting all day is tiring, as some of you may remember/know. And, yes, I know that I haven't been eating quite as well as I should, I admit it. But when hubby fusses at me about my eating, I want to scream at him to 'leave me alone! I'm 75 years old, I can eat whatever I want!!' He fussed at me yesterday when I wouldn't eat the stir fry (I did eat some of the chicken, just didn't care for the ginger sauce). So I ate a hot dog, (no bread) and some of my pork rinds with sour cream to dip in. :-) So he fussed at me that I was tired because I wasn't eating right and blah blah blah. Needless to say, it was a testy evening. We did go to the gym, and I did a core workout with Morgan. I told her about it and she and I agree; I need to start going in to the office a day or two a week. Unfortunately, that would mean driving to Mesa or downtown, of which I want to do neither. But I may start doing it once a month, just to get out of the house. I'm not complaining, but I'm in this room from about 4AM-7AM doing my quiet time, typing in here, etc. Then from 7-4PM I am in this room working - with getting out for 'restroom privileges' and fixing breakfast (grabbing a premier protein) or cooking him breakfast. I've got to get some 'me' space. I do when he isn't home and I can take a break - I go work on a diamond art project I have going (besides the Last Supper one I do with my daughter). I get on my treadmill. Or I jump on the trampoline. I use my weights for a couple sets. Things I will get comments about if I do when he is at home. But then, is that in my mind only? Because I don't like him in my business, is that why I don't do it? Perhaps I ought to try and see how he responds. Hold on to that thought - I may try that sometime. I do get his comments when I sneak outside and walk in the courtyard. Sigh. Why can't I just be me? He follows me around like a lost puppy and it drives me crazy. I want a REAL puppy!!
Did I tell you we learned a couple games when we were with our friends the other evening? Yes, I did purchase one of them, the other is with a deck of cards. I hope I don't forget them. Perhaps I ought to write them out step by step while I'm thinking about them - before I forget. Both were fun games. Both make you think. And yes, I won both games when we played them. :-) Beginners luck, of course. Amazon just delivered the games. Hubby didn't hear them, but I watched them come into the courtyard. They are by the front door and I'll grab them in a bit.
I've had the opportunity to go down memory lane lately. Some good memories, some not so good. But some also make my heart wistful. And the questions always come with a 'what if'. Has that happened to you? Perhaps you need to take a trip down memory lane. Some places I don't want to go for they are too painful (childhood) and many I can't remember (again, childhood), but although I have made a lot of mistakes in my life, having my children isn't one of them.
I sit here and smile at how they all say they are the 'favorite'. I have news for each one - they are ALL my favorite. In good times and bad times. They are my favorite. When I am hurting for them or by them, they are my favorite. I love spending time with each one. I especially enjoy the times I can have them to myself and we can be open and honest with each other. They are my favorite. It's not so we can 'talk' about anyone... it's so I can give them my undivided attention, and I can have theirs. Of course I have to deal with hubby for he tries so hard to be involved, but he doesn't know how. I've realized that more and more as we have aged. He doesn't know how to just love others without conflicts. I know he longs to have a relationship with my children, just as I do. He always feels shut out when he isn't included, and yet, I encourage him to be available if asked. Some do, some don't and that's ok. I get the feeling alone feeling.... he has no one, except his brother in Indy. His own children don't have anything to do with him - and it's been 43 years since we were married. I didn't take him away from them - their mother kicked him out of the house and married her liquor salesman. And I'll leave that there. He felt rejection - and has felt it ever since.
I'm so glad that Jesus doesn't reject any of us. Jesus loves each of us so much that He chose to come to earth from heaven, to walk among us, to live among us, to teach us about loving others, and loving God. He did all that - and even when He was rejected by the high priests, He suffered through beatings, and went to the cross, for you, and for me. That is love. He laid down His life for us, that we may be forgiven and set free. There is no greater love, than One who lays down His life. Grateful.
I am not worthy of His forgiveness, and neither are you. But He offers it to us freely. All we have to do is come to Him and lay it all down. Surrender. Something that sounds so hard, and yet, is the most freeing and easiest thing to do. Something I have to do every morning. And sometimes even during the day! Free will is what we have. And our free will can get us in a lot of trouble. Jesus is our only Hope. Living in Him, and Jesus living in us, is the best of life. Something to think about.
Blessings!
