Today is the actual wedding; rather, at 3pm this afternoon. I'm glad it's early afternoon. The last two evenings have been late ones - and this one may be as well, but at least we are getting an early start on the wedding and the festivities that follow. Got to watch some practice of a Greek dance the bridal party will be doing. Ompa! LOL They all looked so cute out there!
The daughter stopped by this morning to say she was putting me 'in charge' of making sure everyone would be getting ready in time - as she and the two granddaughters go to get their hair and makeup done. The fathers are taking care of the great grands. There really is nothing for me to do ... at least I wasn't understanding what she wanted me to do, other than help steam the girls dresses, if my help was needed. We need to get hubby's suit at some point so that I can steam it as the sleeves were wrinkled, if I recall. They should be back at 11:30AM... and we don't need to be there until 1PM... (we don't, they they do)... I'm not clear on what I am do to help; willing to do whatever I can.
I'm not doing emotionally real well this weekend; not sure what is doing it. I feel so out of place and unsure of what I am to be doing. Give me a specific task and I'm happy to do it. I just don't know what to do without stepping on toes. After all, I'm just the grandparent. I've been left out of weddings before... I've gone through this before. I know it will all go well; I am just experiencing some things I haven't ever experienced before and I don't know how to navigate through it. I did a lot of praying about it this morning, asking Abba to help me. I've commented on some things I just should have remained quiet on; I questioned some things; I have wondered about some things.... and I am sure it is just me... I'm just not understanding all the pieces. My heart is in anguish and I don't know what to do. Abba, please help me.
Our room at this Best Western is amazing. We have a king bed, small sofa with coffee table, a desk, and of course TV, refrig, etc. The bathroom has a large tub to soak in as well as a shower. Toilet room has its own door. But the best part? We have a small balcony, which I love, and it overlooks the bay area. Last night when I looked out, I saw some sort of animals down next to the bay.... I'm going to have to ask what they were. My vision is not that sharp to figure it out. I did try to take a photo through the door, I need to find out what kind of animal comes up next to the bay at night. There were about 8 of them just under our balony, next to the bay.
It's chilly here this morning and my sweater is in the RV. So is hubby's suit that I need to steam so need to get it brought up here so that I can get the wrinkles steamed out. Glad we have this morning somewhat to chill. I need to see if my dress needs steamed too, I guess. Right now, I just don't even care what it looks like.
One of the grandsons-in-law drove the car all the way here - and he graciously let hubby ride with him (he deserves a double blessing!) so that the great grands wouldn't bother him. I appreciate this man so much because he is so patient with hubby and I both and seems to know what is needed at the right time. If I could reach his neck, I'd give him a hug! LOL Anyway... from what I understand, he is a nurse and in the past has worked some with mental health... (maybe that is why he understands hubby and I so well and is so patient with us?).... and he has noticed that hubby has declined somewhat mentally.... which those of us around him frequently have noticed as well. Sometimes I think it is just me over-reacting on things... because I have been so hurt by things in the past that I notice specific things... I don't know.
I am grateful that hubby rode with him. I'm grateful my fears have been confirmed. Unfortunately, hubby would never agree to any changes... and I don't want him to quit living because of these things, but accept some things are harder and different. And it is always the little things that I notice. He forgets how to do certain things, like opening a small package... you know the kind, it something wrapped that has a small slit on one side for you to rip that side off. He couldn't figure out how to open the container....he's done it thousands of times before... but yesterday, he couldn't figure it out.
Hubby is done with his 'quiet time' and is rambling about the room, so guess I should end this before I dissolve in to tears and get my mind focued on other things. I am not sure about going out of the room - what if they bring the suit and we aren't here? Will I need to help the grandsons-in-law with their suits sinces their wives are getting their hair and makeup done too? Well, one is doing the makeup; the other is in the wedding party, as technically, is my daughter, so they are getting both done. Me, I'm on my own for both, and that's ok.
From what I have been told, this will be an interesting ceremony. I'm not critical of it or anything, it's just something that I haven't seen or heard of before. It's 'just a ceremony' - the real marriage begins after that. Because I was somewhat confused; I think my grandson thought I was upset about it... but I'm not... I just haven't heard of this type of ceremony before. In fact, I want to google some and understand more of the what it's all about. It's going to be unique and special and that is all that matters.
Abba, please help me watch my tongue and my expressions. You know my face gives me away a lot. I am trying to stay off to the side and just be a help to others... but I need to know what to do. I'm lost emotionally and am struggling. I'm sure I've angered some just by my comments, even if they werne't wrong, I shouldn't have been the one to say them. Have I really gotten old and set in my ways that I cannot allow others to 'you do you' - as my granddaughter says? Am I over cautious? Am I over fearful for their safety? Am I really so out of touch with life?
Oh - and to end this... you won't believe what I did last night at the rehearsal dinner. Sigh. I was trying to be a help, making sure the food was ready and we had everything we needed.. all were eating and I had thrown some trash away in the outside bin, then was walking back to the table.... and had my mind and thoughts on something else...... and missed the step up to the patio slab... and fell. I hit knees and hands.... and I looked up.... and I hear my daughter scream "MOM!" and she and her hubby came running to me.... while everyone else kept on talking (thank goodness) or just watched. I quickly got up; nothing broken or cut.... just totally embarrassed. I got up off the ground and continued on to what I was doing, before sitting back down. And I am fine. My granddaughter asked if I needed her hubby (the nurse) to check me out, but I declined. It wasn't a 'fall' but a stupid distraction and I forgot to look down because I was focused on something else. I pretty much stayed seated the rest of the evening.
And with that... I'm going to be quiet. If you pray, please pray for help for me. God knows what I need right now. It's like the serenity prayer... Lord, help me to change what I can change, and keep my mouth shut about things I cannot - and the wisdom to know the difference". My version. Abba, please help.
Blessings!
