Why? Because whether that viewpoint is right or wrong, or whether my viewpoint is the opposite, it causes one to think about it and review what that viewpoint is. Make sense? Yesterday I commented about the book I have started reading on a daily basis called Restore by Vince Antonucci. I had come to the end of day 3, and I felt that the blank page after the last page I had read, was missing something. My son commented that "maybe it is supposed to be that way. A blank page to signify that you are a blank slate and the rest of the book is how to draw (create) a you that you strive to be."
I thought that was a very intuitive and profound comment. I pondered it, without going back to the book, thinking, he just may be right. Perhaps I need to go back and check that last part out again. I had noticed that at the end of day one and two, there are also blank pages that separate that day from the next. Is it to keep you from reading ahead? Anyway, I picked up my book this morning and purposely looked back at day 3 before reading day 4. Guess what I discovered.
That last line, that last sentence, ended with a period. Ok, let me back up a bit. The day had been talking about 'a safe place to hide' when we are hurt, but is where we are hiding (or what we are hiding in), truly safe? Anyway - Vince Antonucci had shared the following....
"I started living this way back when I was young as a defense mechanism. It was supposed to protect me from pain, but it has caused me far more pain that it ever took away. It has stolen the life I'm supposed to live and replaced it with confusion and guilt and shame. Can you relate? Your soul needs a safe place to hide. The way you try to hide, whatever you use to escape pain - is it causing you more pain that it ever alleviated? Do you see that it's a problem and that there must be a better way? Are you ready to go to rehab - for the rest of us? Me too. (last sentence).. But first I want us to think about our problem in one more way."
I thought there should be 'one more way' on the next page. I guess I didn't notice the . at the end of that sentence, for I turned the page expecting 'more'. But the page was blank. That's when I thought they had misprinted and skipped a whole page of 'more'. But what I found out when I opened to today's reading, it was a lead-in to today's chapter titled Playing God. And it was another good chapter and well, just to give you a bit of info about that chapter....
Today's chapter talked about how we 'fire God' and think we can do things better than He can. How we can make things better than God can. How we can... better than God can. Did some things come to mind as you read that? Oh my! I see many (way too many) instances of when I 'fired' God and thought I was smart enough to rule the world. At least the world I live in. Compared to God, I.know.nothing. And neither do you.
But I bet you can think of instances that instead of talking to God about the problem and ask how you should deal with it, if we talk to Him at all, we're telling Him how to fix it according to OUR wishes. And you know what? Sometimes He does give us what we wish for. But when He doesn't, what do we do? Try to fix it ourselves? Build up a grudge because it didn't work out the way we wanted it to? Well, I'll stop there, because you and I both know that we both do it. Far too many times. But we need to remember, He is God, and we are not. Right?
Today is Sunday and my day to stay in my room a couple hours longer than usual. No jumping on the work computer. No rushing to take a shower. No 'short time' to get anything done. This is 'my' morning with God (and with you, obviously). After this, I still have time to curl up with my Bible and read several chapters. No, I confess, I decided to type in here first, before reading my Bible today. Otherwise I know that I will be thinking of writing in here and wouldn't register what I was reading. But I HAVE read my devotionals, I have prayed, and now here I am. Sometimes I feel I get as much out of my devotionals as I do my Bible. Why? Because the devotionals hit me where I am. I shared about the one above. But the other devotional?
Today's reading in it was about how we add words to words said to us. Let me start with this.
James 1:19: My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.
I think we all get something from that scripture, don't we? It way too often describes me, and I'm sure you as well. Someone says something and in your mind you quickly start forming your response, right? And if we are smart, we will keep that response in our mind.... just saying.
If you feel insecure, or if perhaps, you are new to a group or area, and someone says to you "We don't need you there.", what thought do you think goes through your mind? Like the author, I know that one of my thoughts would have been 'You aren't wanted." Why? Because my past has told me I wasn't wanted. My hurt version would take what was said and would back away from this person. Would feel that this person was unsafe, insensitive to me, and was talking about me to others. Any of this true? Probably not. But it would be my dramatic retelling in my mind (and probably others) and although people would probably make comments 'Oh it wasn't meant that way" and I would probably respond with "Oh yes, AND......".
As I am writing this my thoughts return to the immense hurt I 'owned' from someone very close to me several years ago. Yes, there have been other instances I have been deeply wounded by words, but I'm thinking of this one specifically. And you can probably figure out which one for I know I have shared it way too frequently in here. I took the words of this person and owned them. I allowed the devil to get a foothold and build a bonfire in my emotions of that situation. That person was no longer my safe friend, but someone I couldn't trust for my well-being. I allowed the words spoken to shake me to the core, and honestly, quite honestly, I have struggled for many years to overcome the destruction in the words spoken. And as I get to this part, I realize that I did something right. I did not respond in kind. I was so caught off-guard that my mouth (which was probably gaping open) had no words to respond. But I knew I needed to step back. And I did. (erase) For a long while.
I am learning to be quiet. To listen. Think about (and probably quickly pray about!) the words that I speak, and do my best not to become angry. It isn't easy, as I am sure you know. There are just 'some of those people' who do their best to bring out the worst in you, right?
But God. When we relinquish control of our lives to Him (and I have to do it daily! Plus!) He helps us get through it, and He may not block our pain, but He will cause us to grow through it. I am a better person because of words spoken to me by others. Their destructive words cause me to relook at my life, and to change the things I need to change in me. And what I can't change on my own, I ask Jesus to help me make that change. Sometimes, the change I think I need, isn't what He thinks I need. And I think what He thinks is better than what I think, right?
If we stop to think about it.... most people are destructive to others because of jealousy. Think about that for a minute. They may be jealous of what you have. Maybe you have a good marriage, and they don't. Maybe your relationships with others is better than theirs. Maybe your relationship with God is better than theirs. Or maybe they just don't agree with your life. They want it. And they spew out their words to tear down, and not build up. And then they 'forget about it' and think things are fine. But, they really aren't. Not for anything you have tried to do. And.... I'm rambling, aren't I?
When my mother was alive and I would call her and tell her something my sisters had done or said to me, her comment was always "well, pray for .........., they need prayer for they are going through things too." BLAH! I was going through things because of what they did or said! LOL But mama always said to "pray for them" and I have realized how wise that statement is. Pray for others, even though they hurt you or say bad things about you, for it is God's will that you hear them, so that you can look at your life and reflect on God's goodness to you. I'm reminded of the story of King David when his son Absalom ran him out of Jerusalem. There was this one man who cursed King David and threw stones at him (see II Samuel... or is it I Samuel... oh well, look it up). King David's bodyguards wanted to kill him for cursing God's anointed.... but King David said no, perhaps it was God allowing it.... and there is more to the story when Solomon becomes king, but I'm going to make you read it to get the entire story. Anyway, sometimes God allows people to say things to us to test us, to turn us back completely to Him.
My situation in this case, did just that. I felt like everything had been stripped away from me, and my soul was laid bare. So I do the only thing I know to do.... keep pursuing Jesus. Keep chasing after Him. Keep learning of Him. Fall deeper in love with Him. Keep running to Him.
Ok - I think I've made my point(s). We need to remind ourselves that we are not God, and He is more than able to handle ANY situation that comes our way. Right?
Have an amazing day! (sigh. Hubby just opened the door and asked if I was planning on cooking breakfast today. (NO) And so my day starts.... lol. Going to grab my Bible and spend some time reading and learning. Until tomorrow....
Blessings!
