but then I did. Not only once, but several times I looked at the offers on Amazon Prime Day. I wasn't as bad as some people would have been, for sure, but I did buy some things. I bought myself a new Ninja blender for our smoothies. Why? Because the cups for the small smoothie blender we have is only 16 ounces. So what's the problem? By the time you add 8-10 ounces of almond milk, a scoop (or two, depending on what we're using) of protein, my collagen, fruit, and ice to make it cold... well, it generally overflows and we have to clean up the blender and the cabinet. Solution to that? No fruit, or no ice so it isn't that chilly. Anyway, this is an upgrade of the one we are using now and the cups are 20 ounces so that we don't have to worry about the overflow. See, I mean well. I wouldn't have just gone out and bought it (plus there are 2-3 other parts that go with it too), but with $75 off, it seemed like a good deal. Win-Win, right? I didn't buy that much more, but did see some good deals that I bought for Christmas gifts for the great-grandchildren. Just a couple items. In fact, in thinking about it, that pretty much means 'done' for a couple of those great grandchildren! I've got to cut back this year, no matter how much I see things I'd love to get for them. Giving is one of my gifts and it's hard to cut back, but I am going to. (I know, I say it every year - can I succeed this year?)
I connected my neighbor across the street who writes Christian children's books with my dear friend who writes Christian fiction / novellas yesterday. It was a good feeling. One needs an artist to finish either the book cover or the illustrations within the book... the other knows of some who do that. I didn't know there was a difference, in most cases. My 'old' friend explained the difference to me yesterday. Hadn't really thought about it, although she did say there are some who do both - book cover and illustrations. Me, I can't even draw a straight line! I'm glad they connected and hopefully my neighbor can get her next book published soon,. Of which I will probably buy for my great-grandchildren as well. Isn't that what friends and neighbors do?
My sister-in-law goes in for gallbladder surgery today at 7:30AM our time. Once that is done, she still needs to have surgery on her leg; guess it didn't heal correctly and something about screws needing to be removed and replaced. That woman has gone through so much over the years in bones broken and needing surgery to fix and then the slow healing process. I chatted via email with my little brother yesterday and he filled me in on all that was going on. Still doing things with our sister's 'estate'. The nephew was told he has a cyst in the brain... but nothing was said about removing it. Not sure what is going on there. He is calling everywhere to borrow $100 - even called my youngest son yesterday. His inheritance of the insurance money should be coming in soon.... my little brother talked him into letting him manage it so that he didn't lose it so fast. Supposedly the nephew is going to AA meetings every night now..... he got them to pay for 2 nights at a hotel... not sure where he stayed last night. I do pray for him, that his mind could sort out what exactly he needs to do (like get a job and get a life?). I don't even know if he has truly grieved yet about his loss of his mother. I know we all grieve different ways, but it was his mother... and he depended on her for so much. I'm sure he is feeling pretty lost. And my little brother, always stirring the pot. Our niece called him yesterday, the one who got nothing and wanted nothing to do with her mother.... he told her about her brother's inheritance. Why did she call? Because the nephew/brother had called her asking to borrow $100. She doesn't have any money - anything she gets the cult takes it. Anyway, you can be sure the niece is calling the nephew wanting her share of the money... but she wasn't listed on the insurance policy - only he was. Imagine that.
"Not my monkey, not my circus, and I didn't even buy a ticket!"
I read in Hebrews this morning and some things clicked in my mind. For the past 9 years, since my little sister and I had our last 'big' disagreement, I have been trying to regain the faith and complete abandonment in Jesus that I had before. Yes, her words back then were disastrous and cutting and cut me to the core, to where I felt I was stripped of all I believed in and all that I was. I can't describe completely what she and her words did to me back then. It wasn't just then, she has done this numerous times, but that time was the brutal beating of my soul and mind. I have 'worked' hard to regain what I allowed her to take from me, my confidence in my ability to serve Jesus. I've continued in some things to serve, by the grace of God. But I quit teaching and learning and growing like I was then. It takes a while for broken hearts and minds to mend. Every time I thought I had, something would happen and take me back down that road of insecurity in myself. Even issues within my own family caused me to second guess who I was in Christ.
Hebrews 6:4-6 (NKJV): "For it is impossible for those who were once enlightened, and have tasted the heavenly gift, and have become partakes of the Holy Spirit, and have tasted the good word of God and the powers of the age to come, if they fall away, to renew them again to repentance, since they crucify again for themselvs the Son of God, and put Him to an open shame."
The author of Hebrews does not teach that apostasy or falling from salvation is possible, BUT that it is impossible to go back and start over, because doing so would require the re-crucifixion of Christ. The believer's only option is to go on - to move forward.
Andrew Murray, one of my favorite authors who has written many, many books that has helped me in my journey with Christ, summarized it this way: "In commerce, in study, in war ... there is no safety but in advance ...The only sure mark of our being true Christians, of our really loving Christ, is the deep longing and the steady effort to know more of Him. Tens of thousands have proved that to be content with beginning well is but the first step on a backward course ... The whole point of the argument ... is - Let us press on!"
I feel that for myself.... I have tried to regain what I've lost. Andrew Murray's comment is right on for me. I have this deep longing to know more of Jesus. I'm always searching and reading to know more of Him. I surrender to Him daily. I want to empty myself to be filled with Jesus. I need to keep pressing on and what I feel I lost will be restored to me ten-fold. I believe that!
Even if we fall, we pick ourselves up, brush ourselves off, and keep walking. And that is what we as Christians who even dedicated our lives to Jesus as a youth need to do! It isn't about starting over! It's about taking a new mantle and standing firm and pushing and pressing onward! What an eye-reveal for me. I just start again right where I am. Hallelujah!
Philippians 3:14 (NKJV): "I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."
I'm pressing on! Wanna join me?
Blessings!
