What is so special about 2AM? That's what I'd like to know! Again this morning I was wide awake at 2AM and could not go back to sleep. After praying for everyone I could think of, and tossing and turning, I finally got up at 3:30AM and came in here. No, still couldn't go to sleep. By now my brain in whirling and thinking of different things and there was no way it would let me go to sleep. I thought of my son and his insomnia and wondered if I am getting a dose of what he has been going through. How many times lately have I shared I'm awake in the wee hours of the morning? There has to be a reason; I just don't know what it is.
By my work day's end I was exhausted. At 4:05-ish I laid my head on my desk - and the next thing I knew it was 4:25-ish. I was still tired, but at least my mind took a quick rest break. Sometimes a nap in the middle of the afternoon is good. Because I had such a deep nap, could that be the cause of waking at 2AM this morning? Not sure what is going on with me.
We didn't put the tree up last night. I was exhausted and still had dinner to figure out - so I told him I wasn't going to put on makeup so it had to be fast food or he could wait until I came up with something to fix. He opted for KFC and so we went. By the time we got home, it was getting dark and too dark to dig through the cabinets for the Christmas 'stuff' so I told him I'd take a break today and move my car out of the garage and go through the cabinets and we could put the tree up tonight. It actually works out; the housecleaning couple come to clean to today and they can clean the areas where I had to move bookcases and workout equipment to fit the trees in. They won't be doing this room today - there isn't much space for them to work in. Yeah, that much stuff is cluttering everything. It happens every year; he gets a 'buy' on cleaning this room. But with getting the trees up early, I can get this room cleaned out before they come in December and he can do a thorough job cleaning then. Hopefully I won't have such a busy and stressful day today.
My trainer, Morgan, gave me a good workout on my legs yesterday morning. I am not feeling it so much - yet. She tells me that when I don't feel it as bad as I have in the past, it means that I am getting stronger. She keeps telling me that I am stronger than I think I am. She had me doing squats with a 44 pound barbell!! I could barely lift it - but I did three sets of them! Hubby was complaining all day; his trainer Nicky, had him do legs as well. She also has told him that he needs to walk outside; that walking on the treadmill is ok, but walking outside is better for the legs. So he was (literally) nagging at me yesterday to find time to walk with him. Now I walk fast (one step to his two at least) and he walks slow. And we don't get very far and I hear 'we need to turn back; it's the first day and I don't want to over do'.... I wonder why I put my tennis shoes on. But I should 'help' him get strength back in his legs; I just have to fit it in my life. Yes, I like to walk and I would go walking every day- except he is afraid the boogie man might kidnap me. And seriously, anymore, it doesn't matter what age you are, it can happen, and it is scary one cannot feel safe just to walk around the block alone without some protection. I always have to carry a tazer with me. But, maybe if he can walk around the block once, with his walking sticks I bought him for his birthday, then he will let me walk another round without him but with my tazer. I love walking, which is why I bought another, smaller treadmill. I haven't used it much, yet, but I do intend to.
I did talk with Ms. Vicky AND Ms. Diane yesterday. Needed to talk to Vicky about the neighbor's wife memorial next week. And, I placed a call to Ms. Diane and asked her.... "Are we still friends?" and she said yes. :-) I bet we talked about 1/2 hour. It was good to know we were still friends after our 'tiff'. I don't have time this weekend to go see either one, unless I can get away on Sunday. Saturday will prove to be another busy day.
I Peter 3:18 (NIV): For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God. He was put to death in the body but made alive in the Spirit.
My little sister is already texting me this morning. I may have mentioned she has had a falling out with her best friend's daughter. The BF daughter thinks my sister told her sisters when she wouldn't be home and they went into her home and stole hundreds of items; photos, collections she had, memorabilia of their mother, etc. Of course my sister didn't - she hasn't talked to them in two years. But her BF daughter doesn't believe her - and is now bringing up things of the past... and my sister has found out that her BF (the mother who passed) betrayed her confidence by sharing things with the daughter. The above verse is one that I have reflected on and related to my sister. Once you confess your sins to Jesus, and ask for His forgiveness, you have received it. You don't have to keep confessing. Jesus heard you and forgave the first time. Jesus died one time; and He forgives the sin the first time it is confessed.
And, I'm grateful for that myself. The two years I was single... well, let's just say I did a lot of stupid, stupid, stupid things that I regret. I had been abused growing up. I felt my husband had rejected me when he told me to move. I had no value in myself. I broke free and had I been taught to respect my body and myself, I never would have done the things I did. It's all in the past. I asked Jesus to forgive me many years ago for all that - and He did. Someone may bring up my past, and although I may feel guilty about it, I am forgiven for it. Does that make sense?
And that's what I'm telling my sister this morning. She asked Jesus to forgive her years ago, and she is still forgiven. Just because the BF daughter is bringing up things in her past, it does not condemn her. She is still forgiven. And she needs to pray for the BF daughter that her eyes will be open to what she is doing in hatred and bitterness - which in this case, my sister does not deserve. She did not talk with the BF daughter's siblings and tell them anything; but someone has told the BF daughter she did. When we are told something, we need confirmation before we start accusing, right? We finally figured out what the anger was about - because my sister has never been told why this person turned on her. Crazy, huh?
This world is in a spiral of sin. Preachers don't preach about sin anymore. I was reading in a book this morning that one pastor was asked why he didn't preach about sin and hell. He said that he didn't want his congregation to 'feel bad'. He wanted to encourage them and make them feel good about themselves. But what he is doing is letting them go to hell because he doesn't speak up against sin and the consequences of what their sin entails. Many pastors are like that. I think about the church we just left. Great Word from the Bible was spoken, but I don't recall in the four years we attended, people being called out for sin. Oh they would have a bunch go stand in front if confronted about something, but they didn't show repentance persay; they stood there while either the speaking pastor walked through and prayed over them, not even knowing why they came up there, or they would do a generalized prayer. I admit, there were a couple times that I went forward, really wanting prayer for something on my heart. And the pastor would look me right in the eye and walk away from me. I still can't get over that. I needed someone to pray for my broken heart, and they walked away.
Sometimes we just need someone to look at us, pray with us, and encourage our hearts. Agree? I don't care who you are, but we all go through things that we need a friend to walk with us to the throne of God and pray over us. I've missed that so much over the years. Pastors don't give 'altar calls' like in the past. They should. People should not just come and 'stand' in front; they need to humble themselves and bend the knee and seek their Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. We need to humble ourselves and submit. When was the last time you humbled yourself before Almighty God and sought His face? Even if you can't kneel, you can still bow your head. Maybe today would be a good time to do that.
Blessings!
