Wow - my blog is back to normal size now. I wonder if my son went in and worked on it - but then, it would have appeared normal on his computer, cause it appeared normal on my work computer when I brought it up. I don't know - but it's back the way it should be. Thank You, Jesus! (It's the little things that make a day great!)
Doctor visit with hubby yesterday was revealing. Things are going on that even Dr. Mark said he didn't understand - but was sending hubby for tests to get to the root of the problem. Everything had been on track. Hubby's memory was deteriorating somewhat (old age), but his health, other than the prostate cancer, was good. Now hubby has lost 12 pounds in last month; of which 6 were in the last week (from his last doctor visit). Doctor is very concerned. No explanation for the weight loss, other than we have skipped a few meals if we eat a big lunch - but why haven't I lost weight? And, trust me, I have not.
Hubby is gaining yet another doctor, for which he is somewhat depressed about, but is necessary in order to find out what is going on. He has a 2-4 hour nuclear test tomorrow on his heart. Since it is a test, we are thinking I don't need to go with him. He probably will not see that doctor. And Friday has another Lupron shot, and I don't need to go with him to that one. I missed almost four hours of work yesterday, but still was able to get everything caught up by 4PM. Grateful my boss said I could flex my hours if need be. I will try to always complete my work/meetings before I sign off for the day. As long as I can keep up with my work, I'll be ok. If I get behind and can't catch up due to being gone for doctor appointments, I may have to 'retire' to be available here. Which is an odd feeling; I don't want to 'retire' for that reason - I want to 'retire' so that I can have fun. Does that make sense? Once I resigned myself to the fact that I will work until I die.... I got over my frustration and hurt with hubby telling me I couldn't retire. And I have to admit, I love having my own money to spend - and spend it I do!
Now that I have a grill, I can make it easy on my children for Christmas gifts - lol - order us a package of Omaha Steaks - for $79 you can take care of both of us! LOL
Have that dull headache again this morning. I slept pretty good until about 11:10PM when I woke up - and from there on it seems I just dozed off and on. If I get a break in things, I may end up taking a nap. Or not. I do have work to do. Still need to get started on meetings for next year and get these extended.
One of my thoughts in the middle of the night was that I was to have breakfast with my favorite boss this morning - and then I remembered, we moved it to next Wednesday with my taking off for the doctor appointments the past two days. Wasn't sure how far behind I'd be getting. I'm not really behind at all, but it's ok to move it out to next week. One of the colleagues that I am covering for will be back today, so that makes it a lot easier than it was. The higher the leader (and her leader is above mine), the more difficult it is to get meetings scheduled.
Until hubby gets the test results back, I'm not going to write any more. Our 'assumptions' of what could be - may not be. And I pray it is just false tests. But my mind is prepared should they are true. But we just don't know. Hubby is dealing with it fairly well, after the initial shock of the news - which neither of us really expected. But we will wait and see what the tests results show. I am praying for a miracle, for healing, and for long life for hubby. Yes, 88 is a long life, but I don't want it to end in pain.
My SIL and daughter picked up my grill and table yesterday - I may have it back by this weekend. Then I need to learn how to use it. I have a couple things already planned on Saturday to do, so will see if I can read up on it and understand all the instructions - and then do it 'my way'. :-)
Ephesians 5:1 (ESV): Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children.
We are so loved by God. Why is it so hard to be 'like Him'? Some of us think we ae doing pretty good at following God, but are we LIKE Him? Are we following Jesus? Are we 'like Jesus'? I will admit that I fail many, many times as I try to follow Jesus. I say I am a 'Jesus follower' or 'I follow Jesus' - but am I consistent with that? No, admittedly, I fail continuously. I don't pause and think about how He would react to things - I allow myself to react. I don't always seek His wisdom to proceed on a task or even in making a decision - until after I have already made the decision (and usually fail) and decide maybe I had better check with God. Why is that?
I can probably tell you why I fail at so many things. Honestly, I used not to be what I am today. I can remember (yes, I remember!) how sold out on Jesus I used to be when I first followed Him. I memorized scripture, I studied the Bible, I sought Him in prayer continuously, I asked Him about everything. Then I got hit with a couple whammies.... I won't go into detail with what happen, but one of those things shook me at my very core of who I was. My identity in Christ felt attacked. And I have struggled ever since to lay everything down and leave it at the foot of the cross. It is way too easy to pick up the hurt, the pain, and continue to allow the thoughts to enter my head of "who do you think you are?" "You are a hypocrite". And many other comments. I know that is the devil putting those thoughts in my mind to tear me down, and some days it is all I can do to declare the goodness and forgiveness and mercy and grace of God upon me and upon my life. I know God has forgiven my past. I know in these certain circumstances I have done no wrong. I just didn't do what the other people thought I should do. I didn't behave the way they thought I should. My Christian walk didn't measure up - when in reality, I would say their walk was the one in question. Pastors have crushed me; family has risen up against me at times. My tender shell that I once wore has become a bit more tougher over the years.
I know who I am in Christ, and I choose Him. I will follow Jesus - all the way. I may stumble along the way, but God's grace always picks me up and carries me onward. All I have to do is confess my sins, my helplessness at being anything without Him.
Psalm 23:3 (ESV): He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness, for His name's sake.
And He will restore your soul as well, if you will let Him. Why not take a few minutes to pause and reflect over your life and see where you need to get it straightened out to align with Jesus. You will never regret following Jesus.
There is a movie we watched a long time ago and I have never forgotten it. Cheryl Ladd stars in it, I believe. Tho none go with me is the title, I believe. Once she became a Christian (in the movie), she had some hard choices to make. But she stuck with it, and I have it written in my Bile as a reminder to myself....
Tho none go with me, still I wlll follow. I will follow, all the way.
Will you?
Blessings!
