I'm back in my room this morning. It actually feels better. I will, for the time being, continue to go into the back room where the desk is that I use Monday - Friday.... but on weekends I have more time to read and just be with God. So this morning I decided to come back in here. I've cleaned the area up some and it since I don't have to go to work, don't feel as jailed as I did. Hubby doesn't really understand why I wanted to come back in here. I feel I have more privacy. I could hear him moving about in his chair and all when I was in the back room - and he could hear my sniffles and sneezes that come early in the morning at times. And he would make the coffee, which would be just on the other side of me. If that was the ONLY place I could go, it would work. And during the week, being 'forced' to sit up and not lay back in the recliner.... it helps keep me awake. But the chair is uncomfortable and I slump over the desk. More beneficial to lay back in the recliner some, right? :-) I just like my privacy ... and when I want to talk to God.... I want to talk with God... not whisper or just write in my journal my thoughts. When I'm out in the open, every word is heard... well, considering he doesn't put his hearing aids in that early, maybe only some words.... but I find I just do 'mind prayers' while at the desk so that I have my 'privacy' in my prayers. I guess I am still hung up on this verse...
Matthew 6:6 (NKJV): "But you, when you pray, go into your room, and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in the secret place; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you openly."
I don't always have to be here in my room to pray.... I can pray anywhere... and many times I am also praying when I'm out in my car; taking a walk; or even taking a break to read. But in the mornings when i read my Bible and spend dedicated time with God... I love to be able to 'shut the door' and shut out the world around me and just be alone with Him.
I tried to take off early yesterday; I had gotten permission. But, my one boss decided to catch up on requesting meetings and of course a few were 'urgent'. I turned it off at 4PM... but noticed that he sent one email that wants a meeting fairly soon.... I may jump on the computer sometime while I'm off and just do it. Or not. I'm really grateful to have 4 days off and not have to 'worry' about work stuff. Hopefuly I will sleep a little later. I did try to sleep later this morning, but alas, 3:23AM my mind was on a roll. Come to think about it, I had a really odd dream, but can't remember what it was specifically now. It was totally off the wall. I remember asking God if He was trying to tell me something in this dream... must not have since I don't remember it. Usually I try to write down the dream so that in time I can go back to it and see if I can figure out what it means. Not this one, unless it comes to mind later.
Reminds me of the movie 'Mountain Top'. It was a great movie and I may suggest to hubby we watch it again this afternoon. There is a man who had dreams .... and they came true. But the dreams are not exactly what you think they might be... but his dreams were forth-telling. Yeah, I think that might be a good one to watch again. You know we will have to watch movies since I have all this 'extra time', right? Hubby asked last night about watching movies or did I want to read.... I just looked at him. He left the TV off and I finished one book and got started on another.
This book will hit my quota on Goodreads - after this, let's see how high I can go! I only put 36 books cause in the past I don't think I read as much. But I have been purposefully reading more - and enjoying it. Sometiems I think hubby wants to be me... does that make sense? The past few weeks he keeps asking me what I'm reading and to let him know so that he can read it too. He asked again last night. I knew he wouldn't be able to 'get into' the book I had just finished so didn't suggest it. That book was written 15-20 years ago and although I understood it, wasn't sure that hubby would. He just finished Divine Connection that I had read a week or so ago. He's reading two books that he says are so intense that he can't read before going to bed. One is Counter Punch but I don't remember the author. It's about the times we are in policically so I thought he would find it interesting. And it is... he says... but it is so disturbing what is happening in the political field that he finds himself 'worked up' over it. I haven't read it; not sure that I will.
I have Needles of Hope this morning and a Zoom meeting in the middle of it with our pastor's wife and some other women. They asked me to give my testimony at the next women's crew on July 22nd... (and I scheduled my colonoscopy on July 21st?)... and they want to discuss the order us six-seven women will go in. I am struggling with something on it. I may have mentioned this before, so bare with me. I received a text a week or so ago from our pastor's wife and she gave several 'labels' we were to choose from as to what our testimony was under. That list hit me like a ton of bricks. They were words like 'neglected', 'divorced', 'rejected'.... and others... all negative words. I could not choose a word to put myself 'under'.... so I didn't respond to her and will need to address it today. I choose to use the word 'Redeemed'. I want something positive, not negative, hanging over my life. I know from whence I came. I know what a sinner I was... but I am not that person any more, thanks to the grace of God. I choose to live a positive life (which is why life is hard sometimes.... my positivity hits against negativity all the time)... and I don't want a negative label. Will see how that goes.
Today is July 1st... this year is already half over, can you believe it? Sitting here and tryng to think about what I have accomplished this first half of the year... and other than purposefully reading more, I honestly can't think of anything great that I've done. Kind of sad, isn't it? We should live our life meaningfully; making impact with others and doing things that build others up. So with that thought in mind... what will I do with the remaining 6 months of the year... I would really like to facilitate a class. But I'm still getting acquainted with people at church and I want to get to know them, and them me, before jumping in to a commitment to teach.
The book I'm currently reading is Wild Goose Chase by Mark Batterson. In it he talks about the passion that we have for something. That passion is what we are to do for God's glory; that passion is what He has given us. I sat back as I was reading it last night (I'm already halfway through the book and hope to finish it later today or tomorrow) and I asked myself what my passion was. My passion sometimes gets stomped on and pushed aside ... not going in to details... but another of my passions is teaching about Jesus. I thoroughly enjoy encouraging people to follow Jesus, to study, to read. I love teaching classes that help them, because I do the study and research as well, and it helps me grow. I miss that deep study. I've restarted Seeking Him, the workbook I taught several times, and was wanting to do with my sister last year but she chose not to do it. There were excuses... but I feel, as it is what most have responded with in the past, that it is more 'it is too much effort to be accountable' and 'I don't want things in my face about what I need to change in me'. Well, I know I have a lot of changes in me to make yet, and this book always helps me see them, so I started with day one of the first week this morning and hope to take my time and go through the study again.
We didn't make it over to the gym last night so may go later this afternoon. I can do some upper body and walking, but certainly don't plan to do much leg work. I'm still walking very clumsily from my workout on Thursday... my legs are sore!
Hope that you take some time out this weekend for you... that you take the time to meditate on who you are, who you have become, what you want to be. Are there changes you need to make in you? None of us are perfect. There is always something we can do differently, do better. Maybe... well, you figure it out. I know things I need to work on, and I'm sure you know what you need to work on. What is your priority? What is your passion? What is it that you know that you know you need to do and just don't want to? Maybe this weekend is a good time to start on it.
Blessings!
