I added a post yesterday afternoon that I should have kept to myself, for the most part. I returned it to draft form. I was hurt, frustrated, dismayed, and irritated - which is different from being angry. Angry I was not. I had been through this in 2013 and my sister and I didn't speak for 6 months. It will be different this time as she told me why she was cutting me out of her life. Why? Because I visited an older brother, whom I love and have a relationship with - and she doesn't. Last time I begged, pleaded and tried to understand where her anger and hatred came from. This time I know - and I'm not going to run after her. I'm going to let her process and make her own decision. She said 'Goodbye'. 'I am mourning the loss of two sisters.' I'm not going to play her game this time.
So what am I going to do? I'm going to live my life. I'm not going to wallow and cry. I did also lose 'two sisters' if she persists in this charade. We buried our older sister last Wednesday, as you know. I guess my younger sister chose to bury me as well. I tried to talk to her Thursday she didn't want to talk with me. Friday she received the flowers I sent as a 'thank you for letting us stay with you' and she acknowledged and thanked us for them. Saturday I got the 'Dear John' letter. So be it.
I feel sad, yes, that she is throwing away all that she has learned in Christ of love and forgiveness and acceptance.... and is choosing to wallow in self pity and whatever else you want to call it. Sadly, I also feel freedom in our 'break-up' for I have always tried to please her in every way. I spent way too much money on her because I knew she didn't have any. (and yet, when she had money, she never inquired if I needed help - and we did) That is finished and I have stepped back. And I'm feeling ok.
Families squabble. They don't speak to each other. That is between them and should not be a punishment to others if they are friends with them. I have always maintained a relationship with each one of my siblings. Even those that are hard to love because of our differences. I never stayed away nor pushed them away. I loved them. I was different to them. Perhaps they tolerated me. When this particular brother had cut off the family for 7 years several years ago, I didn't know the reasons he did that. I didn't know what the other two younger ones had said/done to him. It didn't include me so I kept sending him cards on his birthday, for Christmas, same as usual. Once in awhile I would get one from him. I prayed for him. I loved him. And when I saw him at another younger brother's funeral, I was the only one from the family who went over to him and hugged him and said that he may ignore me, but I refuse to ignore him. He was my family. We have been friends since. He returned to the 'family' until other things happened, and I do not know the entire story. I don't need to know. It is between the sibling(s) involved and him. I don't live back there and am not involved in their squabbles. Thank You, Jesus!
In Colossians 3, we are told to put away the things of the world and to put on love.
Colossians 3:8-10 (NKJV): "But now you yourselves are to put off all these: anger, malice, blasphemy, filthy language out of your mouth, Do not lie to one another since you have put off the old man with his deeds......"
Colossians 3:12-17 (NKJV): "Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection. And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your herats to the Lord. And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him."
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" is a frequently quoted scripture I know. I forgive my sister; and if my younger brother says he wants nothing to do with me anymore either, I will forgive him. They will be held accountable for their own actions, as I will be held accountable for mine. I choose to forgive and move on with my life.
I will miss my big sister, whom we buried on Wednesday. I believe I can honestly say that my long-distance relationship with her was perhaps the closest relationship she had. My little sister didn't like her and refused her calls most of the time. My younger brother tolerated her because he was her POA and usually sent his wife to take care of her need. How do I know this? Because she told me. We always ended our calls with 'I love you', and I talked with her the Tuesday before all this started. I'm at peace with my relationship with her.
I will miss my little sister who has chosen to bury me too. But I also choose to live. I cannot let the thoughts and attitudes and opinions of others bury me because they no longer want me in their lives. I choose to live - and in Jesus I will live. I am so grateful for a loving, forgiving Heavenly Father who loves me more than I can ever imagine, and will walk with me in this journey of life. I surrender all of me to Him who cares more for me than any other. I will survive.
And so will you. Life is hard sometimes and people do things that we don't like. You can let them control your life even though you don't see or speak to them. Or you can forgive them and truly live your life free.
Blessings!
