Our new neighbors are finally getting to move in to the attached house. They were there all day yesterday and I see they are there already this morning, though it is still quite early. Two large moving vans brought their items in. I really felt bad at one point. I kept hearing a guy yell "TRAVIS!" numerous times. I got up to look and there was one of the moving guys on the ramp down from the truck, holding something. I sat back down and he continued to yell "TRAVIS!" . I got up again and could see he was losing his hold on whatever it was he was carrying.... and I debated running over to help however I could - even going in the house and finding TRAVIS! Then I heard a crash, and shattered glass. Not sure what it was, but it was apparently too heavy for him to carry alone. I felt bad; if I had run over earlier I may have been able to help. I was telling hubby about it and he says "why didn't you come tell me he needed help? I would have gone over there!" I just looked at him and commented, "By the time I explained the situation to you, and you mulled it over in your mind, it would have been too late anyway." He disagreed with me; said that he would have immediately gone right over. I just walked away. I usually have to draw pictures of what needs to be done and explain why he needs to do it - before he will even consider it. Why would he think that I would think he would jump up and run over to help someone? Sigh.
I decided to make taco soup to take over to our new neighbors, but just as it was getting hot, I saw them driving away; probably to grab something to eat. We ended up having a bowl for dinner and then I put the rest away. I may put some in my small crockpot and take over early afternoon; there is plenty, I think. I really think I need to find a cool dessert to quickly make and that would be more refreshing.
Hubby has voiced his desire to do something today. Sigh. I'm sorry he is bored. I'm sorry his friends have been out of town and not able to have lunch with him. I'm sorry he has too much time on his hands that all he can do is watch TV and sleep. But my weekends are mine too, and last weekend we did go away for the weekend (and he chose to stay in the hotel room because it was too hot to go out), and yet, he has mentioned he wants to drive up north today (him driving, not me) and perhaps have lunch, walk around a mall, then drive back home. We used to do that years ago, when we were younger. Now it isn't so much fun. And I don't want to do it. I want to get in the kitchen and do some creative cooking. I'm itching to get in there and maybe make a strawberry pie or a Boston Creme Pie from scratch to give to our neighbors. I don't want to go anywhere. Sigh. But, he has voiced his desire, which is usually a 'command', and if I say no, he will be furious. It's not worth it. If he remembers his 'request' this morning, we will get ready, and head up north. I will read or crochet on the way up to keep from watching the road. He wants to get where it is cooler. It's to be 88 up there - it may be a little cooler, but not much! Am I whining?
My mind goes through so many things that I want to do, things I want to accomplish..... and I always have distractions that keep me from it. Then I put it aside for another day when the urge to create comes upon me. I so long for the days when I am free to create - whether with crafts or with food - or even write a book - I just want to DO something.... and yet, it is my own fault that i sit every night. Even though I may crochet while the TV is on, or read when it is not.... last night we watched two movies (seriously, he started at 6PM wanting to watch a movie), and I was so tired, I only crochet'd a short while then just quit and watched the movie. I've got to get my life back, I'm dying here.
Have you ever felt that way? That you just give in all the time to keep peace? And feel yourself losing your life in the process? So much my mind and heart want to do - but... ok - I'll leave this right here. It's no one's fault but my own. Lord, please help me.
I can't find either of the two toenail clippers that I have and my toenails need clipping. And yes, that is annoying me. I think of one other place I can look, and if they are not there, I am going specifically to the drug store and buy a half a dozen!! Ever have that problem? I've known all week I need to trim, and I put it off. Two days ago I started looking for the clippers and can't find them. Where in the world did I put them? UGH. I WILL get my toenails clipped today - even if I have to go buy new clippers! You just needed to know that, didn't you. And yes, I' rambling this morning. Trying to pull myself up out of the pit.
Psalm 63:1 (NKJV): O God, You are my God; early will I seek You; my soul thirsts for You; my flesh longs for You in a dry and thirsty land where there is no water.
How true that statement is. We lie in a dry and thirsty land, and I don't know about you, but my heart will long to be 'watered' by the Word of God. Watered by the Presence of the Holy One. Just to be in His Presence and sit at His feet. It is a longing that cannot be explained, and I think that is what King David was going through when he wrote the above psalm.
When God is the only One you seek; the only One you need and want, when will you seek Him? It doesn't matter the WHEN, what matters is the SEEKING. Early will I seek You.... that is why I get up early in the mornings to spend time with God. Although, I must admit that I am reflecting on my actual time of spending with God, not just reading His Word, but spending time with Him. Many times after I do my reading in a couple devotionals, read my Bible, write out a prayer in my journal, write in here, I am out of time to just sit and be with Jesus. That's one reason why I love the weekends. I don't have to keep an eye on the clock, although if I'm not out of here 'soon', hubby will come check on me and comment he was checking to see if I had fallen asleep. (does it matter?) This morning, as he brought in my coffee, he asks "what time did you get up this morning?" (does it matter?) Sigh.
I'm reflecting on coming into this room (once again) and how, since I 'live' in here a minimum of 40 hours a week for work, that I feel so enclosed. I've taken to opening up the entire shutters in here - once it starts getting light outside. (yes, I was questioned why I did that). I reflected on my mornings in here and how I can make them more available to what I want my mornings to be. It's hard to explain. I don't want to 'give up' my early morning rising; I've done it for so many years, I wake up anyway. But I need to make them more beneficial. I need to quit falling back to sleep. It will happen at times, but I find myself willing it to happen. I'm tired. So tired at times. I've decided that at a certain time I will be off the computer, done with my reading, and will sit on the floor in front of the open shutters (by then it is starting to get light), and spend even ten minutes just waiting on God. Give Him my full attention. Talk with Him. I want to just BE with Him. I may need to set my alarm for awhile and remind myself that is what I want to do, after 3 weeks it should happen automatically.
And, yes, my thoughts are all over the place. I am in a dry and thirsty soul place and I need watering. But, alas, I hear hubby moving about and I'm sure he is getting dressed for us to head up north. And we will go, unless he forgets. HAH. I have no plans except cooking. I will get dressed, put on makeup, and grab some crochet, a book, maybe my Kindle so we can listen to a book while he drives and I can crochet. We will go up north. And it will be a good day and I will enjoy it. And hubby will be happy we got out of town.
Praying for travel mercies. Enjoy your weekend.
Blessings!
