I brought my son's blog up and it came up immediately. I bring up mine... or try to... and it wouldn't come up. I tried several times, then finally did a restart before I could get this to come up. Sure do hope this isn't the way my day is going to go! I was really busy until about 2PM and my mind and my 'want to get things done' shut down. I just didn't feel like I had it in me anymore. I think I really do need to schedule some time off and get away for a couple days. Mentally, I'm fried. I have had to learn a lot of new things lately, being told I have to do some things I haven't done before (ordering new equipment, setting up onboarding, etc. of new employees, etc.) and I know my 'don't want to do it' keeps rearing its ugly head. I need to push those thoughts away for now. Some day.....
Bible study went well last night. We didn't get through the lesson - again - because the facilitator talks a lot and lets others talk a lot - although he states at the beginning to leave it at two minutes. I didn't talk at all last night - mostly because I didn't have anything to share. I avoided his eyes so that he didn't call on me. BUT... at one point his wife looks at me and says "and what do you have to share?" and I looked right back at her and said "I didn't answer that one, why don't you share what you have?" LOL We all laughed. She hadn't answered that question either. The question pertained to something personal... I can't remember now what it was... but I couldn't pinpoint anything to write down. I mean, I am not perfect, by any means. I sin, I have my faults, just like most people. But I don't want to 'dig' for an answer. If I sit there and ask God to reveal to me what my answer should be, and He doesn't bring something to mind, I leave it alone. Things I confess are in the past. I don't need to pinpoint what WAS. Does that make sense?
There was one section on strongholds. Most of us have them. They can be emotional, they can be mental, they can be physical. They can be anything. When I first went through the entire 3 page list, I compared it to where I am now, and I really, honestly, could not see where I had any of those strongholds. When I feel I am letting something take control of me, my process is once it is revealed, I confess it and let it go. I 'get over it' and move on. Several people felt like they had to share their faults. I kept looking at the lists and finally I acknowledged in my mind there was one that stood out for me. You may be surprised at it.
Inferiority. The definition is: of little, or lessor importance. Of little value or merit.
I do sometimes have inferiority, especially when I am around people who DO know a lot more than I do about a lot of things. I don't have a big desire to learn about work-related things. I learn what I need to know and do what I have to do. My argument with that? I'm old enough to retire, I don't want to have to learn new things. Which is probably why I struggle some days at work when I'm told to do some things and I have no clue. My bosses are amazing in that when I tell them I don't know how, they will take the time to show me. And I tell them, I don't need to know EVERYthing, just show me the steps you want me to do. Where do I get this and where do I put it. That's all I need to know.
I think my inferiority stems from my growing up years when I was made to feel I had no value, that I was just a female and therefore only good for marriage and babies. Work for a female in my time was manual labor of sorts. Many went into the office, yes, but many went to assembly lines. That's what my mother did (RCA assembly line) for awhile. That's what was expected of me. Marriage and babies, do what I had to do to help support. Instead my older sister got me an office job. I worked at Indiana Bell Telephone Company for less than a year... like from June to the first of December, when I quit to get married. Then I worked there again for about 2 years before I quit to have my 2nd child. I learned a lot those two years as I was 'secretary' to the sales/marketing director. I felt so 'little' to be working in the secretary pool - there were 4 of us who sat side by side and we supported one person. When we weren't needed to help them, we were typing policies and contracts. I learned to type really, really fast during that time (96 words a minute!). We also still used carbon paper (remember that?) and had to make about 10 copies because they had to go to the policy makers who had to read what we wrote to make sure we didn't make mistakes and worded everything as what we typed from.
I've never had a lot of confidence in myself, and really, that is a good thing. Why? Because it has made me lean into Jesus and ask for His help very frequently. Of course that didn't happen back then; I only had a head knowledge of who Jesus was. But once I found out who Jesus IS, it made all the difference. I am who I am because of Jesus and what He did for me.
I was told many years ago by my younger sister that I was not a good mother. That has never left my mind and it definitely did not build my confidence in myself. When someone compliments me on something, in the past I would deny it, saying 'oh I didn't do anything'... it wasn't so much being humble, I just didn't feel I was worthy of what they were saying. It has taken years, but now I can just say 'thank you' and move on.
I know I need to give glory to God for a lot of things in my life, and when I preach at the RV parks, I always get a lot of comments on how what was said helped them, or they 'liked the sermon' (one should never 'like' a sermon; it's supposed to make you think how you are living your life) or some other compliment. Sometimes I will say just 'thank you', and other times when they said that it touched them in a certain way, I will respond that it was all God; He knew they needed to hear it. I don't want to take credit for their response. Does that make sense?
I didn't get a chance to share my inferiority stronghold. It was already past our time of sharing and I am very aware of the time since I sit across from the wall clock. When I feel inferior, I just take a deep breath and remind myself that they put their pants on the same way I do. They put their shoes on like I do. They eat their food like I do. They walk like I do. They are no better than me, I am made in the image of God and His breath was breathed into me as well as them. There is no reason for me to feel 'less worthy' than they.
Romans 12:2 (NKJV): "And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God."
Many times I feel we want to be like those around us, even though we may not want to, we will conform to what they are so that we fit in. They have a coarse speech, so we think we need to make our speech rough. They chug their drink, so we feel we need to chug ours too. Sometimes it is hard not to think like others think. Sometimes it is hard not to do what others do. We should never lower our morals to be like other people. Respect yourself; respect God. He made you in His image. He breathed His breath into you and gave you life. Do not conform to what others are or what others think.
Not that everything they do is wrong, but it may be wrong for me. And if I want to do something and although it may not be a sin to me.... if someone sees me and it is a problem for them.... then I shouldn't do it.
For example.... I will confess I enjoy an occasional glass of wine. It's been a few months since we've had any... but sometimes after a very hard day at work, I do enjoy a glass before bed. Now I was raised it was a sin to drink. Period. And some pastors will preach that. And some pastors will say it is ok in moderation. Jesus made water into wine, in the argument. Yes He did. But in those days, the water was not always good to drink so they had the wine. But it is also in the Bible to not be drunk with wine. And I'm sure that includes other alcoholic products. Some people disagree with me, but when I go out to eat, I will not - as a rule - order a drink. (It just came to mind that one time at the first of the year I had a margarita at a mexican restaurant with other family members) I choose not to drink in public because if there is someone who is an alcoholic or has a problem with alcohol sees me drinking a glass of wine, they will tell themselves it's ok. But the problem is, they can't stop with one and enjoy it. They have to have more. Much more. I don't want to influence them in any way. A friend once shared that with me and it has really stuck.
A pastor friend was looking for a church/Bible study to join a couple years ago when they moved to this area. He told of he and his wife joined this one Bible study which met in a bar or restaurant - not sure which. To his very much surprise, the facilitator and several others ordered a beer. He was dumbfounded. They felt it was ok to have a drink during their Bible study. He disagreed, and so do I. We are not to conform to this world; we are not of this world. We are just passing through on our way to a heavenly place.
God has a purpose for you and a plan. His Word says so.
Jeremiah 29:11 (NKJV): "For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope."
When you have Jesus, you have a future and a hope. You can break every stronghold, every chain, the enemy puts on you, when you choose Jesus. Jesus is my strength, He is my confidence, my all in all. Who is Jesus to you?
Blessings!
