is what the plan is. Do I hear rain this morning? Is that a hope? LOL I still need to move at least my car out - rain or not - of the garage so that I can clean up that area - whether or not the SIL makes it over today to put together the shelving. I really do want to get it done. But I remembered this morning that it is also a Saturday and hubby will be expecting me to cook breakfast. And you know what - it's ok. I will get it all done.
Yesterday was somewhat busy. I did go get the combo box and then met up with my girlfriend for lunch. We went to Jack in the Box, but they had a sign on the door that they were closed due to system down. So we headed over to the Mexican food place we were taken to recently. I couldn't eat all mine - and all I got was two tacos, beans and rice! That taco was huge! I brought it home and hubby ate it for dinner last night (after breakfast with his buddies and lunch with another friend) as I still wasn't hungry. I did eat a beef stick later. Anyway - work kept me busy after my lunch with my friend and I was glad to turn the computer off at 4PM. We watched two movies and then hit the bed about 10PM. And who was awake at 4AM anyway? Sigh. My body just will not stay asleep some days. I finally got up about 5AM and hubby about 5:30AM.
I couldn't pass up the deal on strawberries. 8 packages in a crate; and the price was 4 cases for $20. Now mind you, grocery stores are selling these for $3-4 each package. I bought 4 cases. Daughter came by and picked up 4 packages; granddaughter coming over this morning to pick up some; and I took 4 packages and a bunch of apples and other things to my DIL who works north of us. It was nice she had a few minutes that she could chat. I'm glad she works close by. I don't mind driving up there to save her a trip. I remember with fondness when I could fix a meal (or had leftovers from an office gathering) and had her stop on her way home from work (at our other house) and pick it up. I wish I could do it more often, but I love cooking up a bunch of food and having my kids come get it. None want to make the drive where we are now, so why bother. Someday maybe we can live in a closer radius of where everyone is and they would stop by. It can make one smile, but I get it. My children are now at the age that (most) wish their children WOULD stop by and visit. Of course I COULD invite over for a meal... so it is on me as well.
Depression is a real thing and I find myself sinking into it at times. I'm sure we all go through it. Things keep happening, or something with trauma or a tragic end causes one to just want to curl up in a ball and shut out the world. That happens to me often anymore. I blame it on my having to work at home and be 24x7 surrounded by hubby. I don't mean that in a mean way. I get tired of these four walls, and although I know that we will never be travelers, well, I guess that isn't really it either. I want to go through this house unsupervised and let go of things..... but I don't feel I have that freedom. And I'll stop there. The day hasn't even started yet and I'm tired mentally. I know hubby will be coming out to 'help' me, and there may be some things I can let him do - but I like doing things myself. He, on the other hand, wants us to do it 'together'. I want to be alone in my thoughts. He wants to know what my thoughts are. I want silence; he wants noise. Unless it is a child running through the house screaming and he can't handle that. To me it is joy. I told him that we were actually totally opposite and have nothing in common. He took offense to that. His life is wrapped up in mine as much as he can force his way in. If I get agreeable with something, he will say, "see, we do have something in common." Sigh.
My leg isn't looking pretty.... I haven't looked at it yet this morning, but I'm hoping that I can still stall until next week. I have been trying to decide if I should go to a dermatologist or to my PCP. I showed my sister a photo yesterday; she thinks it may be spider bites. The more I think about it, and look at it, she may be right. I showed my daughter yesterday, when I unconsciously scratched s spot and then yelled cause it was on the infection, and she thinks it is a spider bite. If the circle is larger today, I may go to the urgent care. I don't really want cellulitis to spread. I'm using a bacterial cream on it so hopefully that will keep it at bay. Why it had to be high up on the inside of my leg.... it makes it awkward to show anyone. Not that 'anyone' wants to see it. It is burning somewhat this morning. But at least the hip and thigh aren't aching like they have most of the week. Still haven't figured out what caused that. UGH. Just took a look at my leg - it's not pretty. My grandson in law is a nurse.... when they come over this morning, I may ask him to look at it and tell me if I need to go to urgent care. I don't want to lose my leg over stupidity and laziness in getting this taken care of. The circle has spread and it is turning dark. I may end up at urgent care today.
Psalm 37:4 (NKJV): Delight yourself in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart.
I feel a lot of people take that out of context. They think that if they pray or are 'good people', that God will give them whatever their heart desires. Whether it is for their good or not. (Of course we think it is for our good, because we want it!) And how many times do we claim this verse, and then are disappointed when we don't get it? We don't get the 'desires of our heart'. Did we even stop to think about whether or not it was God's desire for us? Many, many times He has something better for us, and we are so impatient that we want what we want NOW.
I want my children healed NOW, I want hubby healed NOW, I want my leg healed NOW.... so why isn't it happening NOW? Surely it is also God's desire that it happen, right? And if I'm delighting myself in Him, why isn't He giving me the desires of my heart?
Because He knows more than I do. He sees the big picture. (erase) I just gave a huge example and desiring something and getting it, only to lose it. Sometimes our wants are bigger than our pocketbooks. We won't live forever. We won't always have a job. Life happens. People get laid off. Health issues happen. More outgo than income. More month than paydays. God sees all this and He knows what is best for us. No matter how we plan things, unless we put God first and seek His face, and trust His way, only then will we realize that the true desire of our heart is to know Him more.
I would give up everything if I could just sit at Jesus' feet every day and worship Him.
I had a dream many years ago that I wanted to take all my extra time and just spend it with Jesus. I wanted to find a chapel where I could just go and prayer and worship all day and all night. That was my dream. But, not everyone was in agreement with it. So my dream got put on the back burner. Life comes first. Jobs come first. Someday I hope that I will be able to have that dream - whether here on earth or up in heaven. Just sit at Jesus' feet, listen to Him, and worship.
What is your dream?
Blessings!
