Change is hard, is it not? It doesn't matter whether we want to change our spending habits, our working habits, our life habits, or attitudes, life is hard. Do you agree?
I've been doing a study on the Proverbs 31 woman. I've read those scriptures many times. But this time, I'm working on the memorization of the verses starting with verse 10. At my age (is that psychological?) I am struggling to memorize the scripture, but have managed to do it thus far. But it is getting harder, for sure. I want to quit. I want to stop trying. But I won't. I need to do it. I need to continue trying to memorize it - for me. Yes, I could quit, and no one would know. No one would know I gave up. No one probably would even care. But I would. It's a struggle, and I may never get memorized what the book is wanting us to, but I am trying.
But along with the memorization, there are words in the study that are of value as well. In fact, the other day I read some things that I was able to ponder, to think about. And that is good. It wasn't just reading my read for the day and closing the book. I sat and thought about what I read. I know there are things in my life I need to change - for me. If someone told me to change these things in my life - I would rebel - and I would not do it - no matter what. I have to want it from the inside of me.
Just like you. You may have a spending problem; whether you have money or not, you shop. You keep buying things that may be a gift for someone, especially for Christmas, but, is it necessary to spend that much - or have so many things? It may be a drinking problem. Do you tell yourself just one drink and then move into two because it tasted so good? Or you think you deserve it? Or you drink and drink as you try to block out your life and not deal with the pain of discord in your home? Maybe you shut people out because they don't agree with you, or you don't like something they did. You rebel against anyone who tells you, or represents, or encourages you - to think about it differently. To change your thinking, to change an attitude, to allow your heart to heal and to feel again.
Sometimes I spend too much. I agree. And I have this year because I started way early on Christmas and most things were not on sale. I look at it this way - I can get finished with Christmas shopping early and can focus on the holiday and the meaning of it. I can bake and enjoy friends rather than worrying about getting to the store to get one more thing cause it is on sale. I'm trying hard to limit the number of gifts - for some, especially the grandsons, it is easy to limit - I have no idea what to give them because I have not seen them all year. I tried a couple times ... but their lives are busy too.
And there have been days in my past when I have drank way too much for no other reason than I was so unhappy that I tried to bury the pain. My life was not what my dream of a 'happily ever after' should be, and it still isn't, but I have turned to Jesus, versus alcohol, to help me through the pain and life. No one knows, but Jesus, what my life was - what it could have been - if I had not turned to Jesus to help me out of the pit and into life again. He can do that for you as well. And He is willing, and He wants to. Numbing the pain doesn't make it better. Only Jesus can make life better.
Attitudes - well, we all have them. Some are positive and good; some not so much. I don't like being around negative people for it drags me down. Woe is me... is not something I like to listen to. Yes, I get depressed, and want to sink into emptiness where I feel nothing about anything. It happens. But one can't live there and grow. You aren't a mushroom. I sometimes have to literally fight my way (in my mind) to get out of the pit and into life again. It isn't easy and many times I just want to give up. But I can't. I choose to look for the positive things and see the sun come up each day rather than cry constantly (even internally) for what I want - rather than what I can do to make life better - perhaps not even for me, but for others.
Why do I give gifts, make gifts, bake things? It's my gift of love to others. It is where I find my heart rejoicing, when I can bring joy to another person - especially when they need something of joy in their life. It's the little things that touch the heart, and whatever I can do to show love and compassion and hope to others, that is what I want to do. Never refuse a gift of love, even if you don't feel you are worthy of it.
God gave us the greatest gift when He gave us His Son, Jesus. Next month we celebrate His birth; perhaps not the exact date, but a date chosen to celebrate. Actually, we should celebrate Jesus every day. But most C & E Christians will actually remember Him at this time. The wise men brought gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh.... and gave to Jesus. What will you bring Him this year?
All He wants is you. Give Jesus your heart.
My ramblings today... but hopefully, something to think about.
Blessings.
