I am beginning to wonder if I am anemic. I know the last time I tried to donate blood it had gone from 13.4 to 11.2 in the 8 weeks. That's a big drop in iron in 8 weeks. Could that be why I feel exhausted and just want to sleep? What is wrong with me? Could it be that the last 5 days that we spent doing nothing, really, that my body is reacting to that? We did work out one day, but still, I didn't do much. I don't know what is going on - and I don't like it. Is it depression? Yes, that thought has occurred to me as well, but why? I know of one reason, but I surrendered it to God last night in my darkest time of despair. Lord, Help.
Yesterday I ended up not going to church, but we watched a great message from Pastor Jentezen Franklin at 8AM, then watched our church at 10AM. Hubby meant to go to church, but Pastor Jentezen went a bit longer than usual - and it was a message that I wish my children and grandchildren would listen to. He shared information about the upcoming choices we have for the election and what our choices could end up being for us. I sent the message to a few grandchildren last night.... one sent back a video on Robert Kennedy. That felt like a stab in the back. Do they not realize the democrats have dismissed him and they are focusing on the Harris/Walz ticket? I'm sure Robert Kennedy is a good man with good values. And I must stop there. All I can tell them, is that if they are a Christian as they say they are, they must vote the Bible - in spite of who they are voting for. Look at past records, look at the polices they are promoting. Don't look at the person or how they voice their opinion. I am broken hearted right now, and I am disappointed, and I am afraid of what our future will be like if the world votes against God again. Heaven help us; Lord take us home quickly.
I slept sound again last night but found it difficult to get up this morning. Coming in here, I tried to sleep more, but after about 1/2 hour, heard hubby getting up to get my coffee. I tried to sleep again, but knew that I wanted to read my Bible and pray and write in my journal - and in here - so needed to get moving. If I do not write early in here some day, it is because I fell asleep and there was no time left. Would anyone - other than my oldest son who uses this as a gauge of checking up on me (I love it) even miss a post or two. All I do is ramble anyway, right?
My sore throat subsided mid-morning and after cooking breakfast, I took yet another nap, and then headed to the grocery store. Yes, I went the day before to Fry's, but hubby is nearly out of his V8 that he likes to drink daily, so I was going to Sam's Club to pick up a case. Then as I drove out, I didn't want to go to Sam's Club... I always buy more then we need because that's how you buy things there. So I decided to go to Safeway this time. And I probably bought more. I did buy a bottle of V8 so that can get him by for a few more days. Fixed dinner and then we just sat for the evening. Can you believe hubby left the TV off and read? I worked on the new blanket; tried to read some. It was a boring evening.
And today I am back to work in another half hour - where is the time going this morning?! Timecard Monday - but that is no big deal anymore. Last time I looked I had 271 messages, but not all those are mine. I know I left a couple meetings to schedule when I quit work on Tuesday; I knew they could wait. So I need to get on those this morning as well. I need my job... not worried so much about financials, but for my sanity. The last 5 days have proved that. Maybe it is because we did nothing. My joy in living life is fading away; what is there to live for?
Melancholy this morning, aren't I? I must push myself beyond my self's thought and feelings - and DO SOMETHING. I need to find joy again. Maybe I will check into taking an online Bible course. There are lots out there and I often think about it, but then talk myself out of it and do nothing. Maybe take a college course? But in what? I'd love to learn Spanish again - yes, I took 101 and 102 in college, but the instructor I had really didn't teach that well and I have retained very little, even with taking Duolingo on my phone, I do it for awhile and then stop. Bored? I go to the gym twice a week for training. But without my trainer, I don't want to go. What am I to do? I need a social life, I think. Maybe I do need to consider joining the 'over 55' women's group that meets every other Thursday for a bible study. I missed the first week, which was last week. I have time to think about it. I need to be with people and have intellectual and interesting conversations. I miss my work people.
I John 5:12 (NKJV): He who has the Son has life; he who does not have the Son does not have life.
When John wrote the above passage to make it as plain as he could. If we believe in Jesus, we live; if we do not believe in Jesus, and follow Him, we do not live.
Hmmm. Based on what I was rambling about in a previous chapter, it sounds like I don't have Jesus in my life. But I do. I believe in Jesus. I believe He is the Son of God. I believe that He died on the cross for all my sins and that He rose again on the third day, and that now He lives forever, seated on the right of our Father God. I believe in the Bible and I stand upon it's Word. I believe the Word is God-breathed into men to write so that we can know who God is, who Jesus is, and who the Holy Spirit is.
Sometimes we let people hurt us so deeply and we dwell on it, instead of surrendering it to God and asking Him to open eyes and hearts to Him. O God, please hear the prayers of my heart and mind; let not the enemy prevail against You or Your Word. Your Word is truth. Your Word is what I stand upon.
Precious Lord, take my hand. Lead me on, help me stand. I am tired, I am weak, I am worn. Through the storm, through the night, lead me on to Your light. Take my hand, precious Lord, lead me home.
Did you know the story behind that song? Thomas Dorsey wrote it after losing both his wife and infant child in childbirth. He was broken. He began to question his faith. A friend invited him over for dinner; the friend had a grand piano and Dorsey sat down and started playing another song, then just playing music, and then... began to sing the words, Precious Lord, take my hand..... He finished the song within two-three days after that. The Sunday at church when it was being sung, people all over the church were sobbing and crying out to God as they sung it; because we all need God. We all have times in our lives when we reach out our hand and cry out to God and ask Him to take our hand and lead us.
If your body is hurting, have you asked God for healing? There is a chapter in my book Secrets of the Secret Place that I always think about. No Plan B, I think the title is. Do you completely depend on God for your entire life? Have you put your health in His hands? Have you put your finances in His hands? We all know we can't depend on the government as a 'plan B'. I want to stick with Plan A. God is more than able to heal my body, restore my broken heart, and make me whole. I will praise Him with my dying breath. Not to say I won't go to a doctor if I need to, but I go to God first.
Perhaps that is why the song came to mind this morning. I need His Word and His direction more than I need anything else in this world. If He doesn't guide me, I am a lost soul. That's why I seek Him, that is why I long for Him, that's why I always want more of Him. Just give me Jesus. He is enough.
Blessings!
