as they walk by our house sometimes in the mornings, and this morning they are walking by again. I'm jealous. I'd love to get out and walk early in the mornings.... but then, I wouldn't have the time to write in here, would I? I've been thinking all morning that I need to get my butt back on the treadmill. Why is it such a problem for me that hubby knows I'm exercising? It's not a big deal. I can exercise. He's happy when I do. I think it is just the control over me that I feel. There is no way he will let me go walking outside in the dark... and he just can't go with me. I'm afraid for him to walk even around the block with me. I know it was after his surgery before, but he is not stable in his walking long distances and the last time he fell and I couldn't catch him. And I don't like to talk when I walk. Unless I'm talking to God, of course, and I frequently do that as I walk. Even on the treadmill. 30 minutes isn't a long time. I simply must make the decision and JUST DO IT!
Yesterday I got cranky with work. I am only to support senior directors and up. Well, we have a 'senior consultant' who occasionally will ask me to schedule a meeting for her. Begrudgingly, I do. Then earlier this week she gives me a long list of names and tells me they are all critical, and she wants it next week. Yeah, right. Not this level of people. So I emailed her after checking and ... didn't I already tell you this earlier this week?... and she didn't respond for a day or so... then yesterday. She emails me and tells me to schedule on a certain day that I have given her as an option. All critical, but she wasn't going to get all. Then she adds in her note, "please make this a series every other week through the end of the year." Irritated, I tell her I am not going to check every single date, I was going to schedule it every two weeks. So I did. Then she comes back that perhaps she didn't explain it right. She didn't want it on the same day every two weeks. She wanted me to move the schedules to where it was on different days AND I had to go in and check to make sure certain ones were available. I did get irritated. I was already involved in other projects and this took me over the top. I bit my tongue. I moved the four meetings she wanted moved. I checked and made sure the certain people she wanted were available, although all were not. Then I wrote her back and said basically "every other week is every two weeks, is it not? However, I did move your meetings around and yes, those people are available although every one is not." And then I wrote my boss and told her what was going on, without mentioning names. I told her I needed to take time off work because I was getting really grumpy. My boss told me to take a mental health day if I wanted to - or even an afternoon.
It's good to know that I can. But I won't. Why? Because, as I replied back to my boss, it wouldn't help cause I still had hubby here at home! If I could disappear ALONE it would be ok. And I could go on a walk, I suppose. But still, I just didn't want to work anymore. I guess I was just overwhelmed with all the projects I have been given lately, by my 'other boss' tagging me in emails to others saying '@ (me), please schedule this meeting' or 'make sure you do this'... ugh.
Part of it may be because I am longing to get away for a retreat, and hubby wants to as well, but his idea of a retreat and mine are not the same. Not that either of us are wrong. There are just different kinds of retreats. His is more like a little vacation, I think. Mine is more alone with God type. But vacation retreats are good too. I just listen better when I'm alone with God.
Romans 12:2 (NKJV): "And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God."
Matthew 14:23 (NKJV): "And when He had sent the multitudes away, He went up on the mountain by Himself to pray. Now when evening came, He was alone there."
Jesus gave us the example on getting away to spend time along with His Father, and we are to do the same. Get alone with our Heavenly Father. I think that's why I get up so early each morning and come into my room to read my Bible and listen for what my Father has to say to me. Sometimes He talks, sometimes He shows me in His Word, sometimes I don't hear a thing. But I love the no interruptions (except the noises outside; now it's the trash people picking up) and just being able to snuggle with my Abba and let Him hear my heart.
When was the last time you spent time just waiting on God and listening for His voice? When was the last time you had a conversation with Jesus? Do you not know that Jesus is always in the chair beside you, or even sitting on the floor, waiting on you to just talk with Him and tell Him what you are feeling, what is going on. He loves to talk and to listen to you. Trust me, I fill His ears up good some times with my requests and my thoughts and my ............. well, you get the idea. I love it that no matter where I am (even in the shower!) I can lift up my eyes and know He is listening and wanting to hear from me. Go ahead, talk to Jesus. You know He is with you, waiting on you. He's listening.
Blessings!
