I'm sitting here, trying to do my quiet time, and other things, and for the past hour my sister has been sending me 'stuff' she is finding on the computer. Blogs of other Christian leaders, videos that she's found, etc. I've told her before that 99% of the time I don't even open them. Sending a funny video is one thing, but I don't have the luxury of time like she does and be all over the place looking for videos of things. I can only assume she has listened to them. I could turn my phone off, which I may just do, except I have already read my Bible, written in my journal and had some quiet time.... and here I am writing in here. She's actually up early today. I don't respond to her texts as I don't want to disturb my time alone in here. Not yet, anyway.
Saturday. I didn't sleep well last night. I'm not sure why I couldn't sleep, I did have something on my mind and spent a lot of time praying about it. In fact, the last time I looked at the clock it was 10:40AM. I was awake still after that; I just refused to look at the clock. At 5AM I was awake and refusing to get up. Finally did about 5:30-6AM I think, when hubby did. It's Saturday, my day of getting things done, and I sure hope I can! Or rather, I hope I will! If the weather is halfway decent, I'll put on a jacket and get our Christmas things put in the cabinets in the garage. If not, I'll work in here. I simply must get some things done today.
I finished The Maker's Diet by Dr. Jordan Rubin last night in my reading. I'm down to the recipes and I may review those again today and write some down, or make a copy of the page. He also gives what to eat the first two weeks, 2nd two weeks, etc. to clean the toxins out of our bodies. I do truly believe that a lot of our medical issues come from the food we eat and the crap they put in them. But they make organic so expensive. One would think that NOT giving cattle antibiotics and other things would make them cheaper, right? But it doesn't because they have to have special foods and are really watched over to ensure they don't eat things they shouldn't. How do I know this? Because I watched a movie one time of a woman rancher who was raising organic cattle and her neighbor kept trying to give her cattle other things because he didn't like her. Meany. In the end, though, she marries the son of that man so all things worked out - and she managed HIS cattle and made them organic. LOL Anyway - cutting out some of these foods would not be a problem for me. And the things we have been told NOT to eat, he says TO eat... they are good for you. Figure that one out.
And, of course, things are coming out (still) about the covid vaccine we were (most of us) forced to get to keep our employment - or bought in to we had to have it to not get sick - and the heart issues they are causing many people. I again have told hubby that if I am ever forced to have another shot of an experimental vaccine, I quit my job. I will not put any more of that experimental drug (we were the guinea pigs) in my body. I would rather get the sickness and pray my way through it. Those of you who have had covid (with or without the vaccine) did survive. True, some did not. But people get the flu at times and don't survive that either.
Today is the last day of our fast. For some reason I kept thinking it was tomorrow, but no, it is today. Hubby is happy about that. I am too, in a way. Tomorrow I can eat my crackers and bread. :-) Today is also a grandson's birthday. I can't keep track of their ages anymore. Will need to send him a happy birthday text soon.
I started two more books last night - yes two. Both are good. One is a book by Pricilla Shirer and I got frustrated so ordered a new one. I had bought this one from Thriftbooks, where I pick up some of my books. But this one is so marked up with big black circles and underlines and notes... it's distracting for me. This is the second time I've gotten a book like that. It will go in a Savers bag and I went online to Amazon and ordered a new one. Yeah, it got my attention so I want to read it. Another book I started after that misfortune I got through a couple chapters. It's about faith. Real faith.
Faith used to be my #1 spiritual gift. If God said it, I believed it, that settled it. I still believe that. But I have such an ache in my heart over words my sister has said to me over the years, I hurt when I wonder if what she said is true of me, and it causes me to question who I am in Christ. I believe she did it out of jealousy and envy because she 'can't get involved because of her hubby's sickness' - but she never was involved before that in church so I feel it's a crutch. Not going there. But pray as I do about forgetting what she has said, not just once, but other times, when it comes back, it makes me wonder who do I think I am.... I know who I am in Christ.... but the heaviness hangs on me. I think that is some of what I was praying and dealing with last night as I laid in bed. I believe with all my heart the things that I know. It isn't me doubting. But I often wonder what does God want me to do for Him. Where does He want me to serve. If I died right now, would I go to heaven - or hell. Have I lived my life honoring Him, or for myself.
And then there is the issue about my hair. Not going in to it, but that pain is there. The uncertainty of what I possibly SHOULD do, and what I DESIRE to do. They aren't the same. Such grief follows me, sometimes I feel overwhelmed.
Ephesians 6:12-13 (NKJV): "For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore, take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand."
Ah - the reminder that I need to daily put on the whole armor of God so that the evil things said and done in this world will not penetrate my heart or mind and I can be at peace in the midst of it. The evil one comes at me in different ways, bringing up things of the past and stabbing my heart with his staff. But God. He is my Redeemer, my Friend, and I know that He is always with me. When I take the time to - not search out why I feel this way (which is what I was doing last night, I think) - but to turn it over to Him (which I did before I finally fell asleep) every word, every thought, every action, and ask for His protection to be over me, to remove those thoughts from my heart and my mind, that I may worship Him in spirit and in truth. I am a Child of God and I belong to Him. The more I lean in to Him, the more He is able to take care of me - no matter what comes at me. It doesn't matter if it is a sibling, a child, a friend, or even an acquaintance. God will shield me and take care of me. I know it. I believe it. Why? Because He said He would. He loves me.
And He loves you. Got something bothering you today? Offended? Give it to Jesus. Angry? Give it to Jesus. Run to Jesus and let Him bring you the peace that only He can give. How do you think I get through each and every day? I couldn't, on my own. It's by His grace and His love for me that sustains me and keeps me in the palm of His hand. There is no place I'd rather be, than right next to Jesus.
Blessings!
