A couple months ago I signed up to attend the Imagine Women's Conference that I attend, usually with my daughter. This time she has a lot of stuff going on and cannot attend with me - and since I got her final answer on not going a few days ago, I have flip flopped about whether or not to go. Why? Because I will be going by myself and it's always more fun to go with someone else and share experiences. I should run into some women from our former church so that will be nice. I can sit with them if I choose. I think of all the things I could do here at home - go for a long walk, spend more time in here, and well, just whatever I want to. Even visit Ms. Vicky and Ms. Diane, as that has also been on the thought for today.
Hubby is pushing for me to go to the conference. No, it isn't to get me out of the house, as you know how he likes me close to him. But he knows that I need the conference to 'get into me'. I need to be out with other women and (try) make new friends. And I will. But I'm feeling lazy today and do I really want to shower and get dressed and put on makeup and go.... that is the question. But the other side of the coin is do I really want to stay home and have to cook breakfast and lunch and live my life as it normally is - boring? To visit neighbors and crochet and read and watch movies or whatever hubby desires to do? I want to go to the conference, but making the effort to go - well, I'm just being lazy, I think. I need to get out of the house and live a little, ya think? If it isn't any good, I can always leave early and go shopping, right?
Maybe all my walking and watching my carbs is doing some good. I saw Ms. Vicky out the other night and I went to help her get her mail and to talk with her. I saw her give me the 'once over' with her eyes and then she said "you've lost weight! What are you doing?" LOL No, not the Ozempic route but watching carbs and walking. It is very slowly coming off. I think I've lost a couple inches off my waist and at least an inch off my butt. If I keep at this, although it is slow in coming off, it will stay off, right? And I know it is silly, but I miss the lazy way of grabbing dinner - running down to Arby's or Jack in the Box or stopping to eat lots of chips and salsa and Mexican food.... yeah - all that bread and high carb sauces and all.... I.Love.Bread. I've mentioned that a time or two, and that part has been difficult for it is much easier to throw a piece of meat in a couple slices of bread for a sandwich. But I did enjoy Jimmy John's Unwich sandwich I had recently - although it was kind of messy. I've learned to cook a hamburger sandwich and eat it without the bread. Can still put all the condiments on it that I want - and just eat it with a fork and knife. The bread was just filler I guess, and convenience in holding it. haha
I awoke about 2:35AM again today and tossed and turned until after 4AM when I came in here and sat quietly in my chair for awhile. Didn't turn the light on, and I do think I was able to sleep some. But I was nearly done with my reading by the time hubby got up and brought me my coffee. I'm watching the clock now for I need to jump in the shower and get dressed for the conference. Want to leave about 8:45AM or so. It really doesn't start until 10AM for the actual conference, but at 9AM the little shops are open that we can shop at. That's where I got my cup 'Lift Heavy, Pray Hard' that I carry to the gym. I may even look at the t-shirts and buy myself one or two.
In fact, I need to go through my t-shirts. Many are getting faded, necklines are stretched - in other words, they have gotten 'old'. Oh I still wear them, but don't like to wear them to places I meet others. I have nice ones that I can fall back on. But many of my t-shirts I wear to the gym so of course they get worn. And with 'living' in jeans and t-shirts almost every day now, well, for the past 5 years since I was sent home to work, I have worn and reworn many of them. There is a lady at the former church who takes the old t-shirts and cuts them up and then crochets them into ropes to be donated to children somewhere. I've only seen her a couple times, but my friend Lori knows her. I may go through my t-shirts and have hubby go through his as well and give her a call to let her have them. Goodwill or Savers or Salvation Army would prefer t-shirts in better shape than these.
2 Corinthians 5:21 (NKJV): For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.
I took communion this morning, as I often do - just me and God - and I reminded myself of Jesus' sacrifice for me. He took all my sins, known and unknown, on His shoulders, upon His body, to be crucified and He became my sacrifice for my sins. And He became your sacrifice for your sins as well. It is a humbling thought, for sure. That someone would take all the bad things I have done and die for me. His body broken (the bread), His blood flowing (the juice) and it was all for me, and all for you. A very humbling thought. Thank You, Jesus.
I read in one of my devotionals this morning a chapter that I want to reread. Actually, it was in two of the books that I want to go back and reread that chapter. One of them was on fasting. Now I have fasted at different times for years. I have fasted from Ash Wednesday through to Easter before (not total food, but giving up some things). This year I opted out of fasting because my focus has been on eliminating food from my diet (carbs) that would help make my body healthy, less heavy, and give me more energy. Remember, I used to give up (a lot of times ) BBCD - bread, beef, chocolate, desserts. Well, I'm not eating bread (well, I have had keto bread - definitely not the same), just an occasional piece of chocolate when I want to sneak a piece, and haven't had desserts. I don't DO anything, so what could I give up. Rather than stress about it, I chose to not do it right now. Anyway, I want to reread that chapter as well.
But the other chapter I read in my book on prayer, it said something that hit home. Something about lack of self-confidence is a sin if God is living within us. I do lack self-confidence in some areas because over the years I have been brought low because of whatever it is I was doing. I've been told I was a bad mother. I have been told I'm a hypocrite. I have been told - well, it doesn't matter what I've been told. Words like those crushed me deeply when spoken and I 'owned' them, believing them. Putting myself down as they wanted me to. It has taken years, but I have realized that what they said was said from their own insecurities and jealousy - both of which are sins! You know how it goes - people put other people down when they don't see the positive in their own lives. But the words did a number on me, and even now at times, I have to remind myself that I am not the things I was told, but that my confidence is not in myself, but in Jesus. And when I have Jesus in me, I have all that I need to be what I need to be. Can I get an amen?
And with that, I need to jump off and get in the shower and start my day. I am going to go to this conference with a positive outlook on what I can learn (and find in the little shops!) and enjoy a day outing all by myself! Yet, with others. :-)
Wherever you go today, whatever you do, do it for the glory of God. May you have safe travels, and joy to be with you. Praying for you today.
Blessings!
