has gone by the wayside. I had one last night. I had a topic for this morning. But what it was, has escaped me. I'm trying to 'go back' in my mind to what I was doing yesterday/last night, hoping that might trigger that amazing thought I wanted to share this morning. Hmm. nothing is happening.
Spoke with my little sister yesterday and we talked at length. She has called the detective who was investigating our older sister's death, since it was not by 'natural causes'. Seems he wasn't aware of a few things.... things like both her hands were crippled because of RA and because she had broken both of them in her falls and they wouldn't set them because of the arthritis. Therefore, she had to hold things with both hands. How could she open the lid of a bottle that had a child safety cap on it? How could she carry the cup from the kitchen? So much she shared. I'm concerned, yes, but if the nephew did play a part - and we have imagined all sorts of things that could have happened, all they could do is commit to the mental hospital for the rest of his life. He has spent all but about a week in the hospital since our sister passed. I don't want to think he could have played a part ... but I know it is very possible. None of us feel our sister did this on her own. She would haved OD'd on her pills, which would have allowed her to go to sleep and not suffer with her body shutting down. She would never have chosen this way. She wasn't depressed. I talked with her the day before. She was frustrated her only source of entertainment was out - the TV. The nephew said she was bored, and that's why she did it. I don't think so. I want to call her and ask what is going on; what really happened. But, that is impossible.
Taking my car in for an oil change and rotate the tires this morning. I scheduled the appointment for 7AM so that I could drop it off (especially after scheduling it early the LAST time and sat there for 5 hours!) and hubby could bring me back home. Not going anywhere today that I know of. Praying they don't find anything wrong and will get my car back quickly. A plus, they always wash the car after working on it - and even though I had it washed a week ago, it got 'caught' in the sprinkles a couple days later. This will wash the dirt off. The dealership is always sending me stuff or calling me and texting me - they want me to trade my car in and get a white SE with 2K miles less and 2 years newer. I keep telling them NO, my car is paid off, there is only 2K miles different, and my car is blue and better! I don't want nor need a car payment.
I had a revelation of sorts yesterday afternoon. Now, don't laugh, just because I am an old woman who refuses to 'be' old. I've often talked about exercise and working out and eating right.... yeah... probably more than you want to read about. I have signed up for more diet plans and more exercise programs that I don't do after one or two than I want to admit to. I always dream of that 'bikini body' and the flat belly and strong arms and legs. After all, I'm supposed to work out, remember? I need strong bones. As I was sitting in my chair, I don't know what triggered the revelation, but all of a sudden I felt God told me - I can't think of the exact words now, but it was as if the realization that at MY age of 72, almost 73, I could have a bikini body if I really dieted and worked hard at it.... but WHY put myself through that intense workout and diet? I will NEVER wear a bikini again, not even in front of hubby! So why would I strive to get one? Yes, 40+ years ago I did wear a bikini... but I don't even get in the sun anymore! I.don't.need.to!
I do need to do exercise to build up my bones. I do need to eat right so that I can be healthy. But I do not need to try and get a 'six pack' because although I COULD do that, I don't need to. Yes, I need to lose the belly and butt fat... and if I workout normally and eat right (and less!) I can do that. I don't have to be bone thinn. Which means I can save money on these silly exercise programs that keep drawing me in to 'be' that skinny and strong woman. What a relief! What a 'letting go' relief of I only need to be me. It's not so much as I'm 'old'; I need to accept myself and take care of myself in a healthy way. So grateful that hit home.
Accepting myself just as I am. I ask God to accept me as I am, why can't I accept my body as it is? Yes, it can be made healthy and strong, and I need to work at it. But in the meantime, I need to accept myself. I've always had weight battles or size battles with my sisters. At one time - a long, long, time ago - I was at 113 pounds and a size 5.... I'm way beyond that now. But I am loved by my family just as I am; I'm not in a competition anymore. I am the smallest female in my family, even though I don't weigh the less. Reminds me of the pin my daughter-in-law gave me years ago.... wish I knew what happened to it.... "You are not what you weigh" or something like that. It seems more that it was something of "Who you are in the inside is more than what you weigh"... wish I could remmber what it actually said, but even then, many years ago, I was 'all about my weight' and she reminded me my weight didn't matter; who I was in the inside was what matttered. I think it finally sunk in yesterday. And that is a good thing.
Hebrews 12:1-2 (NKJV): "Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."
Set aside every weight.... set aside anything that weighs heavy upon you, and the sin that so easily ensnares us.... let it go. Let go of the unrealistic thoughts we have that make us miserable because we know we won't achieve them... not that we can't... but we won't put forth the effort.
Going back to school... we could find a way... but don't want to put for the effort to apply and figure out what to do.
Getting a new job... sometimes we should... but we have a job so why do we need to look for one mindset. Maybe we need to find something we can be passionate about.
Losing weight... yeah, I'm going there. .. quit competing with others and focus upon yourself and being the person - and size - that God created you to be. He will cause the weight to fall off if eating healthy and moving.
................ you can fill in the blank. What do you hold on to that ensnares you and holds you captive because you don't want to do what you need to do to make it happen? Is it an apology? Is it attention? What holds you captive in your thoughts and non actions?
"Let it go...Let it go... You don't need it anymore..." Be who God created you to be. Let go of the things that hold you captive. I am.
Blessings!
No comments:
Post a Comment