The day after....

 and my head has been hurting right in the between the eyes/forehead area since I got home yesterday from surgery.  And my throat is raw.  I'm hoping the coffee hubby just brought in will alleviate the headache, at least.  The tooth extraction site does not hurt at all.  At least not today.

I slept here in the other bedroom - and other than the headache being so bad (I can't remember when I had one this bad - even when I had a migraine!) and my throat so sore, I could have slept well.  I finally got up at 1:30AM and took one of the pain pills for my tooth.  It doesn't hurt, but my head is.  I had turned off all my alarms on my fitbit, hoping I could sleep late this morning, but finally gave up around 5:20AM and got up.  I was able to get some of my reading done before hubby woke up about 6AM and immediately started yelling at me because I forgot to take an antibotic last night before I went to bed.  I told him it wasn't a big deal - I'll start them this morning.  And I did.  But his yelling intensified my headache and now there is no return for it for awhile.  I plan to lay back down after my quiet time this morning; perhaps it will go away by then.  Not that I need the sleep; I slept most of the afternoon yesterday once I got home.  But I jsut want this intense pain to go away.

Yes, I took today off work, and I'm partially glad I did.  I could have worked, even with the headache, but since I have an 'excuse to stay secluded in this back room, I may just take advantage of it.  I don't need the TV when I have a good book, right?

The doctor's office did call to check on me yesterday afternoon, but I had turned my phone off and was asleep so didn't get the call.  I debated on calling them back, but didn't feel like it.  I may call them today, although they said they would call me on Monday to check.  I wonder if they are open today.  I just want to know why they didn't do all they said they would do.  They only removed the tooth root and added the bone graft to it, if I recall correctly what the assistant told me in the room as they woke me up.  I'm assuming they talked to hubby - but he doesn't always get everything so don't hold much value to what he says.  He gets it confused; his thoughts are how to 'protect' me from phone calls and 'let me rest'.... they aren't so much about my well being.... which includes phone calls and freedom.  Some women would love their man to hover over them like my hubby does.... I can't get it through his head that I dont' like it, nor do I need it.  I see it as control.  He sees it as helping me.  Lose -Lose situation.

and that's enough about me and my surgery.  I came through it ok; I have no idea when they will schedule the next stage.  Right now all I care about is my headache going away.

Friday.  The start of the weekend.  Nothing going on in this household.  I'm hoping by this afternoon I'll DO something - but more than likely will only be allowed to move to the couch.  Unless it is to cook hubby dinner.  He actually fixed himself a tv dinner last night - while I ate the pudding.  I have enough of it - and you know what - right now that even sounds good.  I'm not hungry at all.  But the pudding sure is good.

Oh yeah, I do have Needles of Hope tomorrow morning, but it will depend on this headache.  If it's gone, I will probably head over there.  I do enjoy getting with a few women for a few hours.   The blankets I've been making, I plan to give a few to the two that are now pregnant.    I figure about 3 each and then perhaps some soft cotton blankets would be good.  I'll go to Savers and get baby outfits when there is proof (and not guessing) of what sex it is.  Infacts go through outfits so quickly they don't wear out.  I'll buy a bunch for each one when I know what the sex is.  I'll do what I can to help them have for this baby.  It still just breaks my heart the circumstances.   

Well, my mind is blank this morning, due to the headache, I'm sure.  I just want to curl up and go back to sleep so think I just may do that.  Maybe tomorrow I'll have something good to share.

Hope you have a good day.

Blessings!

Seriously? A Peanut?

 Today is 'S-Day' - meaning 'Surgery Day' for me.  Not that it is a big deal, but when you don't usually have anything medically wrong that requires it, even this is a big deal.  And things could go wrong, no doubt, but I'm not going to even think about that.  My part of this preparation has been (thank goodness it is the top end and not the bottom end) is to not eat or drink anything 8 hours minimum before surgery, which is scheduled for 9:45AM this morning.   Well, since we went to bed around 8:30PM last night - I guarantee you that I haven't had anything to eat or drink since.  Not going to mess this up!

But I did have the weirdest dream - as you noted yesterday, I do have weird dreams at times! - in this dream hubby and I were at the oral surgeon's office.  As I was waiting, I was freely walking around their offices (now you know that don't happen!) and looking around and I saw a jar of peanuts.  So what did I do?  I took one.  And I ate it.  Then I remembered that I wasn't supposed to eat or drink anything prior to surgery.  So I went to tell the assistant I had eaten one peanut - it was there, it was done without even thinking about it - could I still have my surgery.... and the answer was no!  They made me sit and wait another hour and a half and I couldn't walk around anymore!  And I woke up.  LOL  What in the world am I eating that causes these crazy dreams!  It was one peanut, people!  

I can't even have my coffee or water this morning!  

Got my treadmill brought into the house yesterday and I am looking forward to using it.  I won't attempt it for a few days, of course, but I'm hoping to get on some type of routine so that I can drop some of this excess tummy weight I seem to keep carrying around and occasionally adding to.  I love food.  Food loves me.  It sticks to me forever.  End of story.

Yesterday was Ash Wednesday and 40 days until Easter.  It's also called the beginning of Lent.  I have a book I bought last year and read during this time, and plan to read it through again this year.  It's a 40 day Lenten devotional titled Journey to the Cross by Paul David Tripp.  He has several other books but I haven't read any of them.  I may start looking at getting some.  This book is totally awesome as he walks us through Jesus' journey to the cross.   

As for giving up anything for Lent... I really hadn't given it much thought this year as this surgery has been on my mind.  I mentioned it to hubby last night and his comment back to me was "That's a Catholic thing; no, I'm not giving up anything!"  His comment surprised me, for although we don't always 'give up something' for Lent, there have been times we have.  I haven't decided to give up anything this year.... it got here before I really thought about it.  And, I've eaten chocolate, pizza, ice cream, and a few other things I probably shouldn't have, so I've already eaten what I would have given up.  So I guess I'm not this year either.  Not that I need to.  And, more importantly, God did not impress it upon me that I should do so.  If He had, I would have immediately made a decision to do it.

Hubby went to the store yesterday to get me some pudding to eat.  I don't know what he is thinking - is it that pudding is the only thing I can eat for the next few days?  I got news for him.  I'm stubborn enough that I can eat more than pudding after the surgery.  More than ice cream and mashed potatoes.  It may take a day or two of waiting, but I can eat!  He bought 24 little containers of pudding.  Some chocolate, some vanilla, and some both chocolate/vanilla.  It is very thoughtful and I'm glad I like pudding, for it may last a little while.  Might me a nice snack when I want that something sweet.  He is determined to take care of me and no one else can.  And sometimes I just let him, cause it makes him feel good.

Have you had an AHA moment lately?  I'm reading through the 40 day devotional from the book AHA by Kyle Idleman and it has some really good stuff in it.  Today it is talking about when you have an AHA moment... what do you do about it?  

"Maybe this is a helpful picture.  Think of AHA as a door that swings on three hinges.  The first hinge is a sudden awakening.  The second hinge is brutal honesty.  The third and final hinge is immediate action.  In Luke 15:20 we read a simple phrase that changed the story of the Prodigal Son.  Jesus simply said, "So he got up".   The Prodigal Son took immediate action.,  He recognized that it was time to get up.  It was time to do something.  So unless OUR story also reads "So he got up" or "So she got up", then nothing really changes.  This is where AHA stalls out for many of us.  We have an awakening moment, we even have the strength to be brutally honest, but we never get around to do doing anything different.  We spend much of our lives stuck between honesty and action.  

But I want you to see a connection in the story of the Prodigal Son between these two phrases in Luke 15:   "He came to his senses." (v17) and "So he got up" (vs 20).  Without verse 20, verse 17 doesn't really matter.  Without action, AHA doesn't happen.  

My question for you is:  When are you going to get up?  What things have you said "I should".. or "I need".... and it hasn't happened?   When is your AHA moment going to move from "sudden awakening" and even "brutal honesty" moving into "immediate action"?

Something to think about!

Blessings!

Gotta watch falling back to sleep!

 It has been really weird this morning. We didn't go to bed until after 10AM and then I couldn't sleep.  Must have been the chocolate I ate while there - for I didn't eat anything else - and all I had to drink was water.  But I had trouble falling to sleep, but still woke up at 4AM.  I got up and came in here, and of course it is 'Fosamax day' so I couldn't lay back in my chair.  Perhaps that is it.  I try to take a shower at the start, but when hubby is still asleep, as he was this morning (and the past two weeks or so), I wait until around 4:30AM totake it.  But for the first 30 minutes after taking the pill I can not lay back, lay down or whatever - it is standing o r sitting straight up only.

And I was sleepy.  VERY sleepy.  And I kept falling asleep.  But the weird part is that I kept having these very strange dreams.  They were not just casual dreams, but seemed so real.  I can't remember all the details, but feel I was under spiritual attack.  Not sure why - unless it is because I am studying Revelations.  That's the only explanation I have for it.

One dream - and they are very brief - last night I had asked my son-in-law to come over and take a large box I need to send back to my office, and take it to Fed Ex for me.  It's heavy, and awkward to lift.  It must remain straight up and will not fit into the back of my car.  In my dream, he comes into my room here (mind you, he will never come over until the afternoon unless specifically asked), and starts pushing me from behind the chair.  I feel my chair being moved and rocked.  I wake up.

Another dream, when I dozed again (I told you I was really sleepy!) was hubby had come in and was trying to wake me up.  He was pulling on my hand and telling me "come on, wake up! come on, wake up!" and I was shaking my head back and forth telling him I was awake - and yet I wasn't.  I kept trying to talk and tell him I was awake, but couldn't get my eyes opened.  When I opened my eyes, it was about 6:10AM - and hubby was not in this room.

I had another dream in between those two, but cannot remember what it was - oh yes, I was taking a shower and was just standing under the shower head with my eyes closed, and this large black woman gets in the shower and starts pushing me OUT of the shower!  

All three little dreams were so weird and so strange.  It is interesting that each dream I am being pushed or pulled and fighting to wake up.  Are the dreams to scare me that I won't wake up tomorrow morning after the surgery?  I'm not afraid.   I forced myself to stay awake after the third dream this morning,  and I told the demons to get out of my room!  

We ARE in the end times, and I AM reading Revelations and what will come - although I'm only in Chapter 2.  I've read Revelations before and know what is coming, but this time I'm doing a study versus just reading, so it is much slower.   I'm going to have make a new rule for myself - no falling back to sleep in my room  - no matter how sleepy I am when I get up!

Tomorrow is my oral surgery day and I'm flipping back and forth.  I don't want to be cut on - albeit it is to remove the root of a tooth.  I've heard two horror stories about complications from two people I know well.  But, I also know that if I don't get it done, I will have major complications later as a small cavity has started at the top of the root.  If you recall, the tooth broke at the gum line so the root is sticking up a small amount.  I had a root canal years ago there so it doesn't hurt.

The verse that comes to me this morning is:

Mark 4:39 (NKJV)  "Then he arose and rebuked the wind, and said to the sea, "Peace be still!".  And the wind ceased and there was great calm."

And that is what I am saying to myself this morning after having those dreams - "Peace be still!".  I have no fear and no reason to be afraid.  Jesus is my Strength and my Shield.  He goes before me in every battle.  I have no reason to fear.  It is FAITH over FEAR.

And neither do you.  Lift up your eyes and see that your battle is already won when you give it to Jesus.

Blessings!

Running a little behind this morning....

 Stayed up a little later last night (not much though), and was awake a couple times during the night for some reason.  I didn't want to wake up this morning, but knew I must, and finally rose about 4:20AM.  That 20 minutes has thrown me behind, cause sometimes I can come in here and close my eyes for a few more minutes, curled up in my blanket and shawl.  This morning I still did that, and now I'm feeling that I'm behind schedule.  Why?  Because I have certain things I like to do in the mornings and just spend time with God, focused only on Him.  But I let my sleep get in the way sometimes.  And now I've started this new study on Revelations and need to read about 5 pages and think about the questions at the end of the daily read, so that my sister and I can discuss them, as we are doing this study together.  It's a struggle for me to add a Bible study in the mornings but I am willing to give it a shot.  Of course if I gave up writing in here, that would give me back 30-45 minutes or so... just saying.

I talked with my little brother last night.  Actually, it started with a text discussion with my older brother.  A cousin has had his leg amputed below the knee and all that surrounded that was being passed on to other family members.  My brother passed it on to me, to pass on to the other siblings.  As I text'd my little brother, I asked about his daughter.  He called me.  We chatted for a bit and he said she was back in the hospital.  He got into trouble by her husband when he had posted a few weeks ago to pray for her.  The husband didn't like it that my brother had asked for prayer, saying "it wasn't my brother's place to ask for prayer for his daughter".  Excuse me? Does someone have to be special to ask for prayer? Sigh.  Oh the ways of sinners in this world!  So my brother had pulled his posted request for prayer.

I have continued to pray for my niece, especially for her heart as they said it was a critical issue.  She has also had colon surgery for a blockage and supposedly only about 15" of her colon is left.  And this is where I truly believe that God has been answering my prayers!

The doctors checked her heart again, expecting it to be operating at 20-30%..... and it is at 70%!  It still has a ways to go, true, but I have been praying that her heart would be strengthened and that she will be able to get through whatever things she needs to have done.  Praise Jesus!   My brother didn't know much else about her; he isn't able to go see her because of his difficulty in walking.  So sad that he has left his own health go and now that he wants to see his daughter to see she is doing ok, he can't go because he can't walk that far.  A lesson for all of us to stay healthy and active.

Heart disease seems to run in my family; heart issues anyway.  My older brother died from heart failure. I remember one day I received a call from my oldest brother and all he said was "thank you".  Puzzled, I asked "for what?"  "For praying for me" was his response.  He had gone to his heart doctor for a check-up and his doctor told him that he didn't know what was going on, as bad as my brother's heart was, he had already lived ten years longer than expected.  My brother told him that his sister in Phoenix had been praying for him.  The doctor told him that he better call and thank me, because he should had been dead a long time ago.  He lived a couple more years after that.  It was such a testimony to the power of prayer and God's grace and goodness, I love it when God brings those things back to my mind.  I sure do miss my big brother, and every May especially, he is on my mind as he would come out for a week to visit.  He's been gone since 2001 - and he still is missed.

March 1 - where is the year going?  Maybe it is going faster now cause I have my oral surgery on Thursday morning.  I'm not afraid; but will admit I'm a bit anxious.  Especially since I heard my sister in law recently had the same surgery - and developed an infection and had to have the implant removed.  What I think of is all the pain and agony she went through!  I want to believe that my surgery will be perfect, with no infection, and I will heal quickly.  Will you pray that for me as well?  Hubby plans to go pick up pudding and ice cream for me tomorrow so that we will have.  Good excuse, right?  I suggested popcicles, just cause I sometimes get to coughing after eating dairy ice cream, and I don't want to do anything that might make me cough and mess things up.  Definitely must remember NOT to drink from a straw - the sucking of the straw can cause 'dry socket'.  Not sure exactly what that problem is - maybe I will look it up sometime.  But I hear it is painful - and I don't do pain.  I have a high pain tolerance, but I don't choose to find pain just to tolerate it!   This verse is one that I need to hold in front of me right now....

Philippians 4:6-7  (NKJV)  "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer ad supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

What's going on in your life?  Do you need to give it to God and ask Him to help you through it?  Think that God isn't going to listen to you?  

Why don't you just try Him?  Go ahead, talk with Him.  He's waiting on you to share your heart.

Blessings!

Do you believe?

We went to the RV park yesterday and hubby spoke on the subject of prayer and fasting.  I've done a lot of both, so knew most of the information he gave, but occasionally he would say something that would click.  Prayer I can do, but fasting is lot harder.  Some people think they can fast the TV (yeah, hubby has done that) - but fasting isn't really that.  Unless you take that time to spend it in prayer.  He didn't.  He just read a book.  Or decided a movie wasn't giving up TV, so he could watch a movie.  I didn't argue with him - it wasn't my fast.  No I'm not sharing that to criticize him.  I'm just saying that isn't real fasting.

Fasting is giving up something you love (like food) for something you love more.  And the point of fasting is that you spend more time in prayer and solitude, seeking God for specific answers to your prayers.  I don't enjoy fasting - but I find it brings me closer to God, if I fast His way.  We often do the Daniel fast, which is eating only fruits and vegetables (the first 10 days Daniel fasted, he ate only vegetables).  Hubby just can't give up meat and I don't fight him anymore.  I need to.  I need to fix for him, and then fast the way I want to.  I remember the last time he 'let' me fast the way I felt God was calling me to fast - I mean, God TOLD me He wanted me to fast about something - and it was a 3 day fast - and I spent more time praying and I had only water.  That was the best experience I can ever remember.  I used to give up food totally one day a week.... but ...  church and life got complicated and I stopped.  I've tried to get back into now but ... I can go one or two meals without hubby noticing....but he always likes us to have dinner together.  I think I'll pray about that and see how God directs me.  I don't want it to be about me... but I want my prayers answered and sometimes one has to pray AND fast, for an answer to come.

Mark 9:29 (NKJV)  "So He said to them, 'This kind can come out by nothing but prayer and fasting.'"

If the results you are praying for aren't happening (and you know that you are praying in God's will), try fasting with it.  You will be amazed how God answers.  I fasted before a service a few years ago, a service in which I spoke on healing of the heart... healing of painful pasts, of words said, of things done, and for physical healing.  After the service, hubby and I stood at the front with oil and anyone who wanted prayer for healing to come forward and we would pray for them.  There was one man I prayed for - at that time we didn't know these people very well - but he asked me to pray for him - and I didn't know specifically what it was for.  He has since told me that he had kidney cancer - and when he went back home to his doctor, it was gone.  THAT IS ALL GOD.  But that has endeared me to him since.  I give God all the glory for his healing and praise God that He is still in control.  It's been 5 or more years since then and this man is still strong and healthy - and he is in his 80's!

I was surprised yesterday when we were at the church.  A man who got us to first come there hasn't been in the greatest of health, and I saw he was walking with a cane with great difficulty.  I went over to talk with him and he stood up (respectful gentleman he is) to talk with me.  He told me of the vertebrae in his back pinching a nerve, pain in his left leg, and a few other things.  I felt impressed to pray for him and I asked him if I could pray for him.  His comment surprised me.  "Where were you a few weeks ago when all this happened!  It's too late now!"  I looked at him and said, "well, I don't think that God cares when He heals, He just needs to be asked to bring healing."  So the man said I could pray for him, and I did.  I was so surprised at what I felt was a lack of faith.  As we were leaving, he was walking out - with his cane (I really wanted to tell him to let it go and walk!) - and after we chatted with him a few minutes, I just told him to have faith; God is still in the healing business.

And it made me sad that people do not believe in healing anymore.  Oh, they want healing, but they don't think God will do it for them.  I say, "Why not you?"   When I am sick, I pray for my healing.  When hubby is sick, we pray for his healing.  But you have to believe for the healing to take place!  I read once of a healing pastor whose sister was in a wheelchair.  They had had a healing service and others were praying over his sister to get up out of that wheelchair.   She felt her legs tingling, she was literally raised up (not by man, but God) from her chair a few inches - but instead of putting her legs down to the floor and standing up - healed - she grabbed hold of the arms of the wheelchair and pulled herself back into it.  She didn't believe she could be healed - and she remained in that wheelchair the rest of her life. How sad is that?

If you don't have faith for healing, do you have faith at all?  Pray for more faith, that you can believe that Jesus is that Son of God and that He is still in the healing business - no matter what type of healing is needed!

Mark 9:14-29 shares a story about a man who brought his son, who often would throw himself into the fire or water.  The disciples couldn't heal him.  When Jesus came to where it was being discussed, He said:

Mark 9:23-24 (NKJV) "Jesus said to him, if you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes."  Immediately the father of the child cried out and said with tears, "Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!"

I believe that if we pray according to God's will, that He will do whatever He wants!  I've seen prayers answered; I've seen prayers not answered.  But when I do my part and pray  - and sometimes fast - for what my request is, God always answers.  Yes, I may get upset that God didn't answer the way I wanted Him to, but He always sees the big picture and knows that what He allows then, will be answered in the now.

This message is totally different than the one I had planned to write.  Guess God wanted me to share this, instead of our lazy Sunday.

Do you need to say to Jesus, "Lord, help my unbelief"?  

Blessings!

Three words....

 No, the three words are not I Love You.  That was what you thought of first, right?  Or maybe it was Faith, Hope, and Love?  But again, that isn't what I'm writing about today.  I read about three other words in my devotional this morning and I want to share them with you.

The first word is Denial.  Definition:  Refusing to acknowledge the reality of a situation.  How many of us do that?  We deny that our children are all over the place.  We deny that we are doing anything wrong.  We deny that our behavior causes chaos.  We deny that we need anyone; we can do it on our own.

The second word is Projection.  Definition: Acknowledging the reality of the situation but denying any responsibility.  Example:  You are sitting at your computer and your friend comes over and sits his (or her) drink on the desk and starts talking to you.  In animated conversation, using hands that fly every which direction (yes, I talk with my hands), the drink is knocked over and it spills all over the computer keyboard.  You look at it in horror; your friend just runs to get something to wipe it off with.  In the meantime, this scene is being played in your mind in slow motion as you think of what you need to do - back up the hard drive; get the drink out of the keyboard (too late, of course, as the screen flickered and went black just as the drink hit it).  Your friend tries to make a joke about it and then leaves.  You shut the computer and try to figure out what to do.  

The third word is Minimization.  Minimization is acknowledging the reality of the situation and even owning responsibility for it, but denying its seriousness.  Minimization is another tactic we use to avoid honesty.  We tell ourselves partial and palatable truths.  We downplay and tell ourselves "It's not that bad."  Let's say your friend calls you a few days later to apologzie and makes this comment:  "I hope your computer dried out, and it didn't end up being a big deal."  Even if it was done unintentionally, the responsibility of the situation is minimized.

Isn't that sometimes what we do in life?  We deny we do something wrong.  Then we may acknowledge "well, yeah, that did happen.", and then we tell ourselves "I'm sure it wasn't a big deal".  We see it in our lives if we want to be honest with ourselves, and we see it in others lives as well.

There is a saying - I don't know who started it, but I've heard Dr. Charles Stanley say it a few times:

"Sin will always take you farther than you want to go.  Sin will always cost you more than you want to pay. Sin will alwys keep you longer than you want to stay."

Scripture doesn' minimize the consequences of sin.  God takes sin very seriously.  In the Old Testament, when God wanted to warn the people that destruction was coming, He would most often send a prophet.  The prophet would confront the people with the truth of where things were heading.  Instead of repenting, the people would frequently minimize the prophet's message, and instead of turning back to God, they would continue down the same path and reap the consequences of their sin.  When they ignored God's messages through Jeremiah, for example, Israel was enslaved by the Babylonians for seventy years.   But when the people were brutally honest and repented of their sin, God would respond with compassion and grace.  

Joel 2:13 - "Return to the Lord your God, for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and he relents from sending calamity."

God's offer of compassion and grace is still wide open to each one of us.  Remember the prodigal son?  God waits with open arms for us to awaken, get honest, and take action to return to Him.  Being honest with our sin means we stop minimizing and instead recognize that whatever took us away from God, is a big deal, after all.

Thankfully our heavenly Father's love and forgiveness is a much bigger deal.   Stop and think about that habit, that one thing, that is keeping you from returning to God. 

Blessings!

Whose fault was it?

 I read something interesting this morning that I really hadn't thought about. Or actually, I really didn't know cause I don't deal in insurance.  There was this guy who was driving around a crowded parking lot (probably around Christmas!) and found a very tight area to squeeze his vehicle into.  As he opened his door, a gust of wind grabbed the door (this ever happen to you?) and slammed it into the car next to him.  He left his insurance information on the parked vehicle and went on to do his shopping.  After all, it was his fault that he didn't have a good hold on the door, right?  Well, he called his insurance company the next day to tell them what happened - and he was told that he didn't had to pay anything; it was called an 'act of God'.  What?  The insurance man explained - things like this happen sometimes, and it is considered an act of God.  A wind gust hit the door as he opened it, and unexpectedly pulled it out of his hand.  True, he couldn't PROVE that the wind gust had grabbed it, but it had been windy that day.  He wanted to make it right by reporting the incident, but since it was considered 'not his fault' - guess who got blamed?  God.

Think about it.  How many times do we blame God for things that aren't even HIS fault?  We blame Him for our childhood.  We blame Him for our parents.  We blame God for messing up our lives.  We put all the blame on Him when our jobs don't materialize or we run out of money or our children are 'all over the place'.  So many of us do not take responsibility for our part in what happens; it's much easier to ignore it happened, or blame God because He didn't do what we thought He should do.

We may question God, and that's normal.  In my teen years there was many times I cried out to God why He took my daddy away from us - and allowed the environment we were allowed to live in.  I still don't understand it - and I may never understand it.  But it is part of my life that shapes me on who I am today.  I could blame God for my childhood; I could blame God for my failed marriage; I could blame God my children turned out the way they did.  After all, I tried, didn't I?  I took my children to church.  I made sure they had head knowledge about God.  

But I have to take the responsibility that I didn't help them have heart knowledge of how wonderful God is, even when things are not what they should be.  Sometimes our childhood causes us to turn away from God, not believe in Him.  Sometimes we turn away because the world entices us and it's 'more fun' to do whatever we want, rather than choosing to follow God and be blessed more than we could ever imagine.  Immeasureably more.

Ephesians 3:20 (NIV)  "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us."

My youngest son shared a comment he gave to a pastor he spoke to recently.  He said "my parents made me go to church".   Personally, I still don't think that was a bad thing.  It is probably the best thing in his life.  Only it is easier to blame mom and dad for the way he has made choices that have messed up his life.  It's easier to blame the spouse because the credit card bill is high and there is no money to pay.  It's easier to blame the kids when arguments happen.  It's always easier to blame others - than take responsibility themselves that perhaps they made wrong choices.  They didn't take the spouse to a financial counselor to work out the bills.  They didn't discipline the kids but chose to let them do whatever they wanted - because they were 'forced' to go to church; so let's not bring God into the family life.

I have done a lot of things wrong, I admit.  I take responsibility for my failures.  I can't change the way things have turned out in my life; I have made those choices.  I can't change my spouse.  I can't change the way my children have turned out; we all are a product of our choices.  And we all learn from them - sometimes.  Sometimes it is easier to ignore the steps to take to make it better, and find it's easier to blame God.  You know what?  I'm going to reveal something to you.  In some instances... like our lives, for example, it is NOT God's fault we are the way we are.  We can try to blame Him all we want - but our lives are a result of the choices we have made - good and bad.

I am glad I found Jesus 'for real' about 38 years ago.  I wish I had known Him when I was a child.  Yes, I went to church every time the doors were open - back then it was Sunday mornings, Sunday evenings, Wednesday evenings - and when there was a revival - every.single.night.  But I had to make the choice to get to know Jesus personally... and I did that in my 30's.  I wasted a lot of time in not knowing Him personally.  I'm glad I sought after Jesus.  I know what my life would be like if I didn't have Jesus.  It would not be pretty.  It would be disastrous.  But God drew me to Him, and I've never looked back.  He has proven to me time and again, He is all I need.

Romans 8:28 (NIV)  "And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love him, who are called according to his purposes."

God is always on our side.  When we are willing to give up those things that turn us away from Him, and turn to Him, we may not find a 'better' life with things going our way, but we will find the peace that comes from following Jesus.

John 16:33 (NKJV)  "These things I have spoken to you, that in me you will have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world."

I can apologize that my mind has wandered some this morning (like it is an unusual thing), but I won't.  My prayer is that you will realize that Jesus loves you more than you can ever imagine.  His desire is to bless you, help you, lavish His love upon you.  All you have to do..... is ask.

Blessings!