with our church administrator.... and I had 'run off' of the mouth about my opinions. Of course I did. Don't ask me a question and not expect me to give you an honest answer! No, it wasn't that bad. She actually called me about our non-existent class, and that they wanted to keep it 'open' in that as people come in to the church and if they mention they'd like to attend a discipleship class, this can be offered. I reminded that they cannot attend if the class is three weeks in to a section, and they would have to wait and she said that was fine - we could tell them when the next section would start.
We moved on to the women's ministry; I had signed up to help with food for our women's group. We only meet every other month at this time. I love to cook and bake so volunteered to help. She shared some things that is going on in that area. We talked about our pastors.... and I told her that our pastor's wife had text'd me early yesterday morning for hubby to come see him at the church before noon that day... he had time available. So I called hubby and told him (he was at breakfast with a friend) - he went after breakfast to meet with the pastor. I know what he wanted to talk about... no, not about me, although I'm probably his biggest pain.
Anyway, I told the administrator (who is now keeping our pastor's calendar as it was all over the place and he needed an admin to keep it organized) that hubby would be meeting with him at 10:30AM. And, that started my deluge of personal thoughts. I told her I was having difficulty feeling connected at the church. We have met some people, I've tried to get involved in different things with women's ministry, but I'm just not feeling connected. She was a sweetheart and expressed her dismay that I felt that way. So we talked about it and she offered areas that I/we could step up in to and get more involved within the church. There were a couple things that I could agree to pray about and see if that is something I want to take on. And I really need to think this all through.
I've gotten lazy in my old age and working from home. Although the way this week has gone, I really have been longing for retirement cause I just don't want to do this anymore, and yet, I enjoy my job. It's just some of the things that I really do not like. Like board meetings, expense reports, travel arrangements, etc. Never have liked those. Anyway... I often wonder about the time I feel I've lost - or gained - by working from home. It does have its advantages. I get dressed when I feel like it. I eat when I want to. I get up and walk around the house. I bake cookies when I want to. I get dinner started early if I have something laid out. I like working from home. I miss the social interaction with others.
I know - figure that one out! I'm working from home and possibly saving myself 3 hours a day (no kidding!!) and yet, I feel I don't have much time. I used to get up at 4AM; have my quiet time from 4-5AM; 5-6AM I would get dressed for work, and out the door to work by 7AM. Left work at 4PM, and most days it would take 1.5 to 2 hours to get back home. We'd figure out dinner, and then I usually had a class to work on, and I would take time to study for that, and there was a time I took a college class as well. I would get to bed around 10-11PM most nights and I was good with that.
And now? I get up at 4AM, have my quiet time until 7AM (ok, sometimes I fall back to sleep, but when I don't, I can read more, be quiet more, write more, and type in here. (Remember when it was hit and miss and I'd do it from the office as a rule) 7AM I'm on the work computer, get dressed after I review emails, grab a shake for breakfast, and sit in front of the computer the rest of the day, unless I have a lunch to go to, until 4PM when I shut down. I go into the kitchen to fix dinner, or we go out to eat. Then back home to (now) to read or crochet. We now go to bed around 8:30PM except on weekends and we may - rarely - stay up until 10PM, if we are watching a movie.
And I feel I don't have time. And I feel so disorganized. Probably because I really don't have a class to study for, prepare for. And I go to bed early which eliminates an hour or two of other things. And I crochet now, which I didn't before. I really need to evaluate what do I want to do. Where do I really want to go with this feeling. I know I want to serve God however I can. I want to be obedient to Him and whatever He calls me to do. Yes, I'm still speaking at the RV parks currently - and I need to get a message pulled together since I will be speaking the 2nd Sunday in February. 3rd Sunday too, I think. I do need to get on that as it will be here before we know it. That means I need to work on it this weekend.
Hubby just opened my door..... he is heading out to breakfast and bible study with his friends. Perhaps I'm jealous that I can't do that. Just thinking aloud.... maybe I can choose a time once a month (for me) that I can get with a few women from church and just dive into a Bible study together. At a restaurant that isn't too busy. Where we can eat and talk and discuss things. There isn't a place here that hubby can go to while I do it at home..... if he goes into his 'office', the 'door' is still open... cause there isn't one. Ok - I'm rambling in my thoughts now. Another boring blog, right? Just an old woman rambling with her thoughts.
James 4:10 (NIV): "Humble yourself before the Lord, and He will lift you up."
The truth be known, I only want to serve the Lord. When I first rededicated my life to God and changed my life, got involved in prayer and prayer activities, I would pray that I could be like Anna in the bible. You remember Anna, right? She was the woman who saw Jesus as a baby when Mary and Joseph brought Him to the temple to be dedicated. Simon was there too, remember? I wanted to stay in the 'courts of the Lord' and never leave. I seriously thought about how I could do that. I had read stories of women who lived at the church in the prayer room and was constantly in prayer. That was my longing. But I couldn't step away from my family or responsibilities. So I made my home my sanctuary at times when I 'locked' myself in a room for a day or part of a day. Drove hubby crazy I shut him out too. I so long to get away by myself (which is why I love the times he is busy and I'm home alone - even if I do things while he is gone) and just focus on Jesus and be quiet before Him and let Him speak to me.
Fasting is one way we humble ourselves before the Lord. Giving up specific foods (or all foods) to spend time with Him. Hubby has not mentioned turning the tv on since that one time. I'm proud of him, and told him so. And I have loved having the quiet in the evenings. But alas, our fast ends tomorrow at midnight. 21 days. We have (I think) stuck with our food commitment. Yeah, mine ended up evolving to the BBCD - and believe it or not - I've even left my saltine crackers alone, although that was a real struggle. I love saltine crackers - even by themselves! Hubby has mentioned 'toast' a couple times when he tells me what he's eaten... but I don't say anything. I think he just forgets and that's between him and God. I'm not the one to watch over his eating during a fast. I cook what we agreed to eat. I have a feeling, though, that come Sunday, we will be having steak for either lunch or dinner! LOL Or a big burger. I still have a Red Robin gift card I got from Ms. Diane for Christmas so that might be lunch.
And, I need to get up and get moving as the time is getting away from me. So I leave you with this thought - what have you done to humble yourself before the Lord lately?
Blessings!
