For some reason, even with my male boss still out (pickles, he is back today!) I had so much work to do yesterday and was busy all day. I did take some time out with the lady from the funeral home showed up for our appointment. No, neither of us are dying... not yet, anyway. But, to make it easier for our children, we have decided to be cremated and have contracted with a funeral home in in our little city to handle it. We signed a 5 year contract to pay for it to keep the payments low, but we can pay more with each monthly payment to pay it off sooner. What I really like about this place is that upon notification, they pick up the body and make all the contacts to social security, to anyone who needs to know. They set up the 21 gun salute and taps for hubby's funeral; of course I'm not military so won't have it. All we have requested is they take care of the cremation. For any celebration of life, we asked it be left up to the children. They can do a service there in the funeral chapel, and they will take care of that for an additional price. Or the kids can take the ashes and throw them wherever - BUT - because hubby is a veteran, we both can be buried for free at the National Veteran's Cemetary. But this part (almost $3k each) will be taken care of and they won't have to worry about that. AND, if we change our minds about the cremation and go the 'other route', we can easily change it and pay the difference. At least we have something started. Ok - that may be hard to read in the first paragraph but wanted to get it 'out there' so someone knows about it. We will get two cards each from the facility. We have already decided we each will keep one, and one will go to the two oldest children, and they will need to discuss plans with the youngest when the time comes. Paperwork will go in the safety deposit box at the bank.
Hubby's understanding of things is confusing, and I get it (I understand?) it is all the process of getting older. I'm not saying he has Alzheimer or dementia - but he can easily remember where he was 50 years ago and often brings up 'oh yeah, I was there several years ago and I...........' (and I roll my eyes). But again yesterday, he had to send an email out for the HOA and although he wrote it himself, he asked me to come read it and help him make sure it was right. There was a time he never needed my expertise in sending emails. I made a few changes for him and put spaces between paragraphs - and told him it was ok, for him to review it again and send if he thought it was ready to go. It truly troubles me - not to help him - but knowing he cannot remember how to do some of these things. It more than troubles me, it scares me. I don't know what to expect and I don't know how to handle it all. So what do I do now?
I pray about it. A lot. I keep praying for more faith, that God will show me that His hand is all over these situations and that I don't need to be afraid of what the future may bring. I'm scared of what is ahead if it continues as it is. I really am. But I recognize also that getting older is part of life, and my children will be doing the same thing for me at some point. With working still, I feel it has helped me stay somewhat alert and in tune with things. I have to be. But there are some things with work I am having difficulty with that I shouldn't have. And that concerns me. And I'm feeling so tired lately. I'm blaming the extreme tiredness on the holiday things that I love to do and shopping and working and baking and stress of hubby and the minor surgery (dang - just got the EOB on it - my cost is about $500! - thank goodness for insurance!). Speaking of.... it is healing nicely, I think. I can't see it, but at least the pain and the itching seems to have stopped. I showed my trainer last night and she said that it is 'looking good'. Still have a week before they take the stitches out.
Speaking of being extremely tired... I did my workout yesterday, came home and hubby and I went to Arby's for 'dinner' (I was lazy and didn't want to cook) - and I went to bed about 8PM. I tried to read, but my eyes wanted to close. So I went to bed and slept until a little after 11PM, back to sleep until my alarm went off at 4AM. Debated on staying in bed, but too much sleep is just as bad as not getting enough sleep. I got up and am glad I did. I'm taking my iron pills as directed; I still need to call my PCP to see if I need to go for blood work - my prescriptions will run out in another week I think. The new ones where she increased my meds and gave the iron pills. Need to put that on my list, I guess, or check with SQ to see if they have the order.
I'm taking Friday off work (Friday the 13th, no less!) to get things done in the morning, and then bake cookies with a great-granddaughter in the afternoon. Youngest son is taking hubby to the show to see Bonhoeffer. If the oldest wants to see it, he ought to meet up with them. :-) Just saying. Another granddaughter called me yesterday and she and her daughter are coming over on the 23rd to bake cookies. I need to check with another granddaughter (or two) and see if one can make it up or wait until after Christmas and the other to see if she can get a day off work. They do the work; I just supply the ingredients and enjoy hanging out with them. Memories I hope each of my grandchildren remember forever.... and now the great grandchildren. I have been blessed to be able to have that special time with them. It is usually chaotic, but fun. What is funny is that the older grandchildren still want to come and be a part of it. That warms this grandma's heart. I'd let me children come help too if they wanted!
Did not work on any Christmas stuff yesterday. This room is still a mess. I've reached the point of 'I don't care'. At some point when hubby is 'out', I am going to put up our 4th tree and put my gifts to him under it, as well as any outside gifts we get and can't open (i.e., my brother's gift to us). Hubby doesn't know about the 4th tree yet; I think I will put it by the front door - which means I need to move that table and it may need to go into hubby's office. He'll get over it. I love Christmas and I love decorating - and there are still things out in the garage that I want to find and put out. Maybe this weekend. My car is in the way so need to move it out of the garage to get in to the cabinets.
Luke 9:18-20 - NKJV): And it happened, as He was alone praying, that His disciples joined Him, and He asked them, saying, "Who do the crowds say that I am?"
So they answered and said, "John the Baptist, but some say Elijah, but some say that one of the old prophets has risen again." He said to them, "But who do you say that I am?"
Peter answered and said, "The Christ of God."
Who do YOU say Jesus is? I want you to pause for a moment and think about that. Who do you think Jesus is? Do you recognize Him as the Son of the Living God? Do you know Him as Christ, our Messiah? Or is He just a prophet to you? A good man? Who do YOU say Jesus is?
I think that is a question that many of us have had to answer at some point. Do we really believe that Jesus is the Son of God, born of Mary, a virgin, and that He lived a sinless life, only to die on a cross, an old rugged cross, for my sins and your sins? Do we really believe that? And have we asked Jesus to be OUR Lord and Savior, to help us and walk with us in this journey called life?
I tell you, life is too hard to walk it in our own power. Life is difficult and painful and trust me, I can not walk it alone, and I don't believe you can either. No matter how good life may seem to be; no matter how good our job is, how much money we have, how good our children are, how wise we seem to be - we are nothing unless we have Jesus as our Lord and Savior.
People may tell us that we are wrong to believe in Jesus and trust in Him. I tell you what, and it has been said over and over through out the years - I would rather follow Jesus and be wrong..... then to live without Him and be dead in sin. Eternal life only comes from following Jesus. No matter how rough life seems right now; no matter how often I cry out to Him for forgiveness (which He always gives when it is sincere), no matter how much I mess up..... I will follow Jesus for the rest of my life. He IS my life, and the only one I need. Life is hard enough doing it with Jesus walking with me; I could not do life on my own and survive at all. And neither can you.
You celebrate Christmas by buying and giving gifts. It all started with the wise men bringing gold, myrrh and frankincense to Jesus at His birth. They recognized a King had been born - not in a palace, but in a stable. Jesus came - and died - for you and for me. Give yourself to Him this year; that is the greatest gift of all you can give.
Blessings!
