A busy day; early to bed for me!

 For some reason, even with my male boss still out (pickles, he is back today!) I had so much work to do yesterday and was busy all day.  I did take some time out with the lady from the funeral home showed up for our appointment.  No, neither of us are dying... not yet, anyway.  But, to make it easier for our children, we have decided to be cremated and have contracted with a funeral home in in our little city to handle it.  We signed a 5 year contract to pay for it to keep the payments low, but we can pay more with each monthly payment to pay it off sooner.  What I really like about this place is that upon notification, they pick up the body and make all the contacts to social security, to anyone who needs to know. They set up the 21 gun salute and taps for hubby's funeral; of course I'm not military so won't have it. All we have requested is they take care of the cremation.  For any celebration of life, we asked it be left up to the children. They can do a service there in the funeral chapel, and they will take care of that for an additional price. Or the kids can take the ashes and throw them wherever - BUT - because hubby is a veteran, we both can be buried for free at the National Veteran's Cemetary.  But this part (almost $3k each) will be taken care of and they won't have to worry about that.  AND, if we change our minds about the cremation and go the 'other route', we can easily change it and pay the difference.  At least we have something started.  Ok - that may be hard to read in the first paragraph but wanted to get it 'out there' so someone knows about it. We will get two cards each from the facility.  We have already decided we each will keep one, and one will go to the two oldest children, and they will need to discuss plans with the youngest when the time comes. Paperwork will go in the safety deposit box at the bank. 

Hubby's understanding of things is confusing, and I get it (I understand?) it is all the process of getting older.  I'm not saying he has Alzheimer or dementia - but he can easily remember where he was 50 years ago and often brings up 'oh yeah, I was there several years ago and I...........' (and I roll my eyes).  But again yesterday, he had to send an email out for the HOA and although he wrote it himself, he asked me to come read it and help him make sure it was right.  There was a time he never needed my expertise in sending emails. I made a few changes for him and put spaces between paragraphs - and told him it was ok, for him to review it again and send if he thought it was ready to go.  It truly troubles me - not to help him - but knowing he cannot remember how to do some of these things.  It more than troubles me, it scares me.  I don't know what to expect and I don't know how to handle it all.  So what do I do now?

I pray about it.  A lot.  I keep praying for more faith, that God will show me that His hand is all over these situations and that I don't need to be afraid of what the future may bring.  I'm scared of what is ahead if it continues as it is.  I really am.  But I recognize also that getting older is part of life, and my children will be doing the same thing for me at some point.  With working still, I feel it has helped me stay somewhat alert and in tune with things.  I have to be.  But there are some things with work I am having difficulty with that I shouldn't have.  And that concerns me.  And I'm feeling so tired lately.  I'm blaming the extreme tiredness on the holiday things that I love to do and shopping and working and baking and stress of hubby and the minor surgery (dang - just got the EOB on it - my cost is about $500! - thank goodness for insurance!).  Speaking of.... it is healing nicely, I think.  I can't see it, but at least the pain and the itching seems to have stopped.  I showed my trainer last night and she said that it is 'looking good'.  Still have a week before they take the stitches out.

Speaking of being extremely tired... I did my workout yesterday, came home and hubby and I went to Arby's for 'dinner' (I was lazy and didn't want to cook) - and I went to bed about 8PM.  I tried to read, but my eyes wanted to close.  So I went to bed and slept until a little after 11PM, back to sleep until my alarm went off at 4AM.  Debated on staying in bed, but too much sleep is just as bad as not getting enough sleep.  I got up and am glad I did.  I'm taking my iron pills as directed; I still need to call my PCP to see if I need to go for blood work - my prescriptions will run out in another week I think. The new ones where she increased my meds and gave the iron pills.  Need to put that on my list, I guess, or check with SQ to see if they have the order.

I'm taking Friday off work (Friday the 13th, no less!) to get things done in the morning, and then bake cookies with a great-granddaughter in the afternoon.  Youngest son is taking hubby to the show to see Bonhoeffer.  If the oldest wants to see it, he ought to meet up with them. :-) Just saying.  Another granddaughter called me yesterday and she and her daughter are coming over on the 23rd to bake cookies.  I need to check with another granddaughter (or two) and see if one can make it up or wait until after Christmas and the other to see if she can get a day off work.  They do the work; I just supply the ingredients and enjoy hanging out with them.  Memories I hope each of my grandchildren remember forever.... and now the great grandchildren.  I have been blessed to be able to have that special time with them.  It is usually chaotic, but fun.  What is funny is that the older grandchildren still want to come and be a part of it.  That warms this grandma's heart.  I'd let me children come help too if they wanted!  

Did not work on any Christmas stuff yesterday. This room is still a mess.  I've reached the point of 'I don't care'.  At some point when hubby is 'out', I am going to put up our 4th tree and put my gifts to him under it, as well as any outside gifts we get and can't open (i.e., my brother's gift to us).  Hubby doesn't know about the 4th tree yet; I think I will put it by the front door - which means I need to move that table and it may need to go into hubby's office.  He'll get over it.  I love Christmas and I love decorating - and there are still things out in the garage that I want to find and put out.  Maybe this weekend. My car is in the way so need to move it out of the garage to get in to the cabinets.

Luke 9:18-20 - NKJV):  And it happened, as He was alone praying, that His disciples joined Him, and He asked them, saying, "Who do the crowds say that I am?" 

So they answered and said, "John the Baptist, but some say Elijah, but some say that one of the old prophets has risen again."  He said to them, "But who do you say that I am?"  

Peter answered and said, "The Christ of God."

Who do YOU say Jesus is?  I want you to pause for a moment and think about that.  Who do you think Jesus is?  Do you recognize Him as the Son of the Living God?  Do you know Him as Christ, our Messiah?  Or is He just a prophet to you?  A good man?  Who do YOU say Jesus is?

I think that is a question that many of us have had to answer at some point.  Do we really believe that Jesus is the Son of God, born of Mary, a virgin, and that He lived a sinless life, only to die on a cross, an old rugged cross, for my sins and your sins?  Do we really believe that?  And have we asked Jesus to be OUR Lord and Savior, to help us and walk with us in this journey called life?

I tell you, life is too hard to walk it in our own power.  Life is difficult and painful and trust me, I can not walk it alone, and I don't believe you can either.  No matter how good life may seem to be; no matter how good our job is, how much money we have, how good our children are, how wise we seem to be - we are nothing unless we have Jesus as our Lord and Savior.  

People may tell us that we are wrong to believe in Jesus and trust in Him.  I tell you what, and it has been said over and over through out the years - I would rather follow Jesus and be wrong..... then to live without Him and be dead in sin.  Eternal life only comes from following Jesus.  No matter how rough life seems right now; no matter how often I cry out to Him for forgiveness (which He always gives when it is sincere), no matter how much I mess up..... I will follow Jesus for the rest of my life.  He IS my life, and the only one I need.  Life is hard enough doing it with Jesus walking with me; I could not do life on my own and survive at all.  And neither can you.  

You celebrate Christmas by buying and giving gifts.  It all started with the wise men bringing gold, myrrh and frankincense to Jesus at His birth.  They recognized a King had been born - not in a palace, but in a stable.  Jesus came - and died - for you and for me.  Give yourself to Him this year; that is the greatest gift of all you can give.

Blessings! 

Minutes are done and turned in.

 That's my 'claim to fame' this morning.  It felt so good finishing up the minutes yesterday - and they really weren't that hard.  I just have to get past my 'I don't want to do these' mindset.  I finally completed them and sent them on to my boss to review.  Tried to work on the board retreat yesterday too - not much luck on that - one facility didn't even bother calling me back!  That is the heavy thing hanging on me right now.  Got to get things confirmed and then I can let it do it's thing.

I stayed home last night and wrapped Christmas gifts - and watched movies.  Hubby did meet up with his friend so I was alone.  And it was nice.  There is this one movie that when I saw it last year I fell in love with it.  Well, this one part.  I should check and see if I wrote about it last year.  I forget the name of it - something like 'The Christmas Wish' or 'The Christmas Wedding Wish'... I don't remember.  Anyway, it starts off with three children playing on a Christmas Tree Farm owned by a grandfather of the two girls.  They run to him and he has a big red bow on this Christmas tree and tells them it is the 'Wishing Tree' and one should whisper their wish into it.  

It hit a longing within me last year and I bought a small fir tree and suggested to different ones to whisper a wish in to it - and some did.  I tried to keep it alive, but with hubby's watering schedule on my plants... well, it didn't last long.  I'm going to see if I can't find another fir tree and put a red bow on it with the words 'Wishing Tree' on it and set it out.  Depends on how big it is on exactly what I can do with it.  Sigh.  Stupid HOA won't let us plant but in our courtyard... maybe I could put it just inside the gate after the first of the year?  Or maybe one of my sons would like to plant it in his backyard if I get a small one.  Anyway, it would be fun to have a 'Wishing Tree', don't you think?

I also watched another favorite movie called 'Finding Normal'.  It's a cute movie - about a doctor on her way to the Hamptons' for vacation.... and she 'flies' through a small town called 'Normal' at 90 miles an hour - and gets pulled over.  She is taken 'in' to see the judge because she has 23 unpaid parking tickets.... and he told her the $$ of the fine.... and she had no cash on her; no checks.  The little town didn't take credit cards and the one ATM in town was broken.  She was given 24 hours community service as her fine. And that's all I'll share about it.  But it is one of my favorite movies, along with 'The Coffee Shop'. :-)  

I have been real 'pleased' with this yucky stuff that I've been dealing with - sneezing, coughing, etc. - that it hasn't affected my sleep at all.  And yesterday, during the day, no sneezing, occasional coughing, and I thought I was about over it.  But then, last night.  Ever little bit that slime would tickle my throat and I would go in to a fit of coughing - and that is what is happening this morning as well.  Guess I'll take another Allegra with hopes it will completely dry this 'crap' up.  So I didn't sleep well last night and now I'm annoyed.  What a way to start a day, right?

I'll be heading down to Mesa again tomorrow morning for the department Christmas gathering.  They are having a meeting, but having lunch (sandwiches) brought in around 11:30AM and will be having a white elephant exchange and a cookie exchange.  I'm already thinking I will bypass the white elephant gift exchange.  I never faired well in those.  I'd always make sure I'd take something nice - and end up with a couple dishtowels.  I don't know the majority of these people so I really don't mind staying out of it.   Am thinking I may do the cookie exchange... which means I need to bake cookies today.  I was planning on making gingersnaps for my boss (thinking because he has kids, it would be nice)... but can also make oatmeal raisin too.  I'll see how busy my schedule is - I may just do a few of each.  I don't get crazy with baking 'Christmas' cookies like some people do.  But I do love the little Mexican wedding cakes, don't you?  I'm feeling really out of touch with my baking anymore.  With not being in the office, I don't do much of it at all.  No one to give it to.  My neighbors are diabetics so don't want to take to them, and we definitely don't need it here!

I got a big box from my big brother for Christmas yesterday.  Of course he tells me I am not allowed to open it until Christmas morning.  I tried to get him to let me open it.... "it rattles" I tell him.  "Too bad" he tells me.  I have a suspicion... well, let's just say the box is the same size of a box I have bought something in... could it possibly be the same thing?   Wouldn't that be a hoot!  Hopefully come Christmas morning I will be able to tell you if it is - or isn't!  I would be excited if it is... just saying.

I have nearly all the Christmas gifts wrapped - and you know what?  I didn't buy as much as I thought I did... and yet, I sure spent a lot more money!  I've 'lost' a couple things so need to see if they rolled under the bed.  Need to get these empty boxes out of here too; break them up and put in the recycle stack.  UGH - Recycle doesn't come until next week.  Surely I am 'done' by now!  And yet, looking at the list... I may need to get a couple more things.  Or not.  On my mind is what I need to do for tomorrow's luncheon at the office.  I also realize I haven't bought that much for hubby.  Oh his stocking is full... but there is nothing he needs.  I did get him some Notre Dame stuff.  But, I sure didn't buy much.  Maybe I'll get him a gift card to Barnes and Noble.  I know, just what either of us need - another book!   Neither of us need ANYthing.  Pretty sad, isn't it?  

I think that is why I like asking for 1:1 time with my kids.  I'm so glad I did that years ago.  Actually, has it been about 7 years ago?  I asked for one time a quarter, have 1:1 time with each child.  My middle child is the only one who has pretty much stuck to the 1:1 time... and I love it.  My daughter and I usually meet every Tuesday evening now (unless we have other plans, like last night) and crochet.... but that is where Jailbreak Getaway was brought about - only instead of just the two of us, her daughter wanted to join us, and now it's four of us that go someplace each year.  My youngest... well, sometimes it is hard to get him away from his wife.... I guess she is afraid she might miss something... like hubby gets at times.  He commented recently that if I died first, he probably would be left totally alone, for none of the kids really care about him.  (was that a 'woe is me' comment?)  Personally I think the comment is sad... but he has NEVER lived alone so the thought of it terrifies him.  Especially the thought of my not being at home if something happened to him.  Gruesome thinking this early in the morning!

John 11:25 (NKJV):  "Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in Me, though he may die, shall live."

Do you remember where that scripture comes from?   Remember the story of Lazarus in the Bible?  The brother of Mary and Martha?  If you recall, Mary and Martha had sent word to Jesus that Lazarus was very sick - and He stayed for two more days where He was!  THEN, He tells the disciples, "Let's go see Lazarus" for he's asleep... so the disciples think Lazarus is getting better if he's asleep, but Jesus had to explain to them, no, he died.  So Jesus gets almost there and Martha goes running to Him.  She cries out to Him "If only You had been here, my brother could be alive".  But Jesus tells her.... He is the resurrection and the life.  Just believe.... (yes, there is more to the story... go read John 11).  We all know how the story ended, Carmen made a song of it - remember?  

"Lazarus, come forth!"  And Lazarus came forth, completely bound in linen burial cloth.  And Jesus told them to loose him.  

And that is what Jesus tells us today.  "Son, Daughter, come forth!"  Step out of those dead linen cloths and step into the new resurrection of life!  Oh, so many times we allow 'things' to get in our way of following Jesus, and yet we know that we know that we know.... that following Jesus is the ONLY WAY to live.  It really isn't hard, if you think about it.  Would you give up something for your spouse, your child, if they asked you?  Jesus doesn't ask you to give up the things we enjoy.  He just asks us to believe in Him.  And by believing in Him, we CHOOSE how we will live for Him.  No one tells you how to live; it is between you and Jesus.  We all make wrong choices at times; trust me, I've been following Jesus since 1983, and I still make a lot of mistakes.  But I choose to continue believing and continue following Jesus.  Life is Him is the only way to live.  

Something to think about.

Blessings!