She drives me crazy....

 and you probably know whom I am referring to.  Yep. My little sister.  She started again yesterday morning about the training .... and I told her - again - that her son had sent her money, if training is what she wanted to spend it on - go for it.  I finally lost my patience with her going back and forth and excuses (she always has excuses)... and told her "Girl, get over yourself!"  She responded "Well, that is a bit harsh." So I told her plainly what she was doing.  What she had said she wanted in the beginning of all this - just enough training, 2-3 times on the equipment, so that she would know what to do.  I get that. I would want that too.  But because (I'm just guessing here) I have continued my training for nearly two years now that she wants to do MORE than just a couple.  I don't care what she does. If she can get her son to pay for it - or find the money herself - go for it.  Sometimes she just drives me crazy!

Probably like the crazy I drive my kids sometimes when I can't make up MY mind, right?  No, I don't think I'm that bad.  Really.  (am I?)

I did not sleep well last night and I do not know why.  I was awake two hours after I went to sleep and from then on it was doze and wake up, doze and wake up.  I finally got up around 3:45am and tried to sleep in here, but could not. The problem with coming out of the bed is that if hubby wakes up and realizes I'm not there, he will come in here or go throughout the house trying to find me.  So then I hear his feet shuffling on the tile floor and it wakes me, then he has to ask 'why are you up' and want a response and well, surprisingly, with all my talking there, he didn't get up until nearly 5AM.  Surprisingly too, because he slept in his chair a few times yesterday - and still seems to have slept all night.

Our dinner with friends last night got moved to tonight.  I'm thinking of moving it to next week as I have training at 4:30 and they want to meet up at 5:45... it would be pushing it for me to get home, pick up hubby, and throw on jeans (instead of my workout shorts).  I'll check on them today to confirm - it was her husband with his back this time - it was her back last week.  Praise God I don't have back issues.

But then, my hip bone started hurting during the night again, with the pin prick inside my leg.  Same thing every time, only no shooting pain down the leg this time.  I know it is hard to explain to the doctor, and they don't 'see' it because there is nothing to 'see' on the outside.  It's inside the leg that is causing me problems.  The pain is gone now - it comes and goes - which is also weird. Maybe I'm just weird? Don't answer that!

Went to visit Ms. Vicky last night.  I know she gets lonely.  But now she is starting to ask to include her when we go out to eat, or go somewhere.  It's not that I mind taking her, but hubby (and I'm not blaming him) does not have patience ... although he is just as slow as she is... she uses a walker to get around.  I lose my patience with him sometimes.... and I think he does it intentionally - walks slower - at times, just to make me stop and wait for him.  Not that I walk fast with him, but I start walking, thinking he is with me, and then stop and turn around and he's 15 feet behind me!  So I wait for him to catch up. It's not that I'm walking off from him (I don't think) - I just start walking, expecting him being behind me.  Anyway, this is about the third time Ms. Vicky has asked me to take her with us when we go somewhere.  I don't commit.  But I will find a time that I can get away for a quick lunch and ask if she wants to go with me.  Don't get me wrong - we are friends, as well as neighbors, but I have enough problems with hubby, if you know what I mean.  I need my 'free' time... and yet, I don't want to hurt anyone.... once in awhile won't hurt me to take her with me somewhere.  I just don't want her dependent upon me like she is on another one of her friends.  Does that make sense?  This friend takes her everywhere every time she calls.  I don't have that capability.  Her friend is single.  I'm not. Does any of this rambling make sense?  I know - if this was one of my children or grandchildren, I'd be finding time, right?  That's different. They still have their own lives.  I guess it's because hubby is so dependent upon me (if I want to go out, he wants to go with me), that I don't want someone else to be.  Am I nuts?

I got an email from one of my friends at work who I covered for last week.  It was interesting that she shared that while on her trip she had to deal with forgiving someone in her women's group.  She mentioned that she had been carrying unforgiveness for awhile and the Lord really dealt with her about it while she was resting on the beach.  She worked through it and was finally able to forgive this woman for some things she had said.  I found it interesting that she wrote about withholding forgiveness, when just the other day I wrote about the consequences of unforgiveness.  See, it isn't just in my family, it's in everyone's life.  Someone is always offending someone - and the seed is planted.  How we want it to grow is how often we water it.

Update on my quail family.... Mama and a couple babies were walking under my window yesterday morning.  Papa was walking on the outskirts of the courtyard.  The babies, there were 2-3 of them, were like a week or so old.  I checked on the remaining eggs in the pot and I think there are 4 left out of 12 that were laid.  This is the one nest in the aloe vera plant.  (all the eggs in the other pot hatched at the same time)  These little babies can jump as high as their parents!  I watched these little babies jump up to the ledge and then on up to the roof - following their mama!!   I hope all the eggs eventually hatch and find their mama.  I keep checking all the pots now, to see if we have any more nests!  I really do need to clean up the courtyard.  It's really cluttered.  Maybe this Saturday I can get out for a couple hours and get it straightened up.  

So many things I want to do - but I can't do them while hubby is home.  He always wants to help - but never takes the initiative to do it himself.  For three weeks he has told me he wants to take down the filter (it is the old metal filters) from the air conditioner and take it out and hose it down (get the lint off or whatever it is).  I will remind him this weekend so we can get it done and he can quit asking me if I will help him (he won't get on the stepstool if I'm not here to make sure he won't fall) get it down.  Maybe I need to make a list - help him with the air filter, then I can go out in the courtyard and get rid of some things and straighten it up.  Maybe I'll even go and buy some plants.... sigh... such a waste of money cause the sun burns them up. But they do look pretty for awhile.

Or I could continue to 'be my mother' and plant artificial flowers. I do have artificial flowers in the big pot outside the gate. I don't care, it looks pretty, but tulips probably should be removed now, ya think? I need to find another artificial flower to put there. LOL

Well, I have nothing for you this morning. My heart is heavy, my eyes are sleepy, and I'm tired. Groaning over a workday doesn't help either, does it!  I have time before work (since I was up early) so I will take a leisurely shower and then get ready for work.  Oh lucky me - and I am - I do have a job.  I wish they'd offer me early retirement.  Like with a 'settlement' to retire with, right?  I got a year's pay when I 'retired' from my first company.  I would do that.  

And so - I will leave you with this today....

May the Lord bless you and keep you, make His face shine upon you, and be gracious to you.  May He turn His face towards you, and give you peace.  Amen.

Blessings!

It just may be a 2-3 cup of coffee day

 I had much difficulty falling asleep last night.  We went to bed around 9:30PM I think and I started the toss and turn routine. My mind would just not shut off.  So I prayed. And prayed. And STILL, it would not be quiet and let me sleep.  My 'sleep monitor' (watch) tells me that I slept a total of - are you ready for this - 3 hour and 8 minutes - last night.  And yet, when I look at the breakdown, it has 10 minutes awake; 24 minutes in REM, 2 hours 1 minute in Core and 43 minutes in deep sleep.  So how could I only have 3 hours and 8 minutes asleep.  I tell you, these monitors are not right!  But asleep 3 hours and 8 minutes could possibly be right.  I'm sure what it is showing 'REM and Core I am actually just laying there, still, trying to sleep.  Trying to not wake hubby up.  I finally got up at 3:30AM and came in here; couldn't stand laying down any longer.  Hope the lack of sleep doesn't affect my day too much.

I have a board meeting prep this morning and then will be leaving to go with hubby to his doctor's appointment - the kidney doctor.  All the labs are normal now but he already had this appointment so we'll go and ask if he needs to go back and do labs next month as suggested.  This kidney doctor told us on the first visit that everything was fine; he didn't know why hubby was sent to him.  If we get the same report from him today, then we're 'good to not go'.   After that appointment the next is at 5PM when I hit the gym - Morgan is back in town.  She said she could only get me in one time this week and tonight is it.  After that, we have our bible study on Revelations at church and then we're home for the evening.  

Somewhere throughout the day, I will be drinking more coffee, due to the lack of sleep/rest during the night.  I wonder if I can sneak a nap in somewhere.

I can't believe it is 'only' Wednesday this week.  Yesterday was kind of slow at work in the afternoon. I did have a few meetings during the day, and I do have other things I need to do (learn more about PowerPoint for one) but I just sat there and went through work emails and made sure I had completed tasks I am supposed to.  I even did a few exercises while sitting in my chair with my 5 lb barbells and the weighted ball I have - working on the core. I don't know what Morgan will be doing tonight - this week should be legs and core - but I'm only going once this week so I think it may be legs.  I'm still doing my 50 squats each morning.  Just because I want to.  It's been over 30 days now.  I wonder how long I will keep it up - when will I get to the point of 'I don't want to'?  I figure it is at least 'something' that I can do without equipment and it does work the butt and legs - 'items' that I think are way too big.... just saying.

James 1:22 (NIV):  Do not merely listen to the Word, and deceive yourselves, Do what it says.

Or we could say, don't just read the Word, and then shut it  up and put it back on the shelf.  Living with Christ in you is more than just reading, or listening, to what He says.  It is acting on what He says.  Life is hard, I will admit it. You know how often I fail.  I am so grateful for a forgiving and loving Heavenly Father who pours out His grace when I confess my sins and He restores me to Himself.  And He does that for you as well.  

When was the last time you sat down and had a talk with Jesus?  Jesus is God's Son, but as I was growing up, it was all about God.  Does that make sense?  I learned more about Jesus when I took a discipleship class many years ago.  I learned that Jesus was not only God's Son, but to get to God, I needed to go through Jesus. 

John 14:6 (NIV):  Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me."

In other words, Jesus is our Advocate.  He is our 'attorney' who fights for us.  When we are sick, or if we have problems, we can go to Jesus and seek Him and ask Him to fight our battle for us, to take it to our Heavenly Father, and ask Him to make right what is wrong.  Sometimes, for older people like me who were brought up that it is all about God, and all our prayers were Dear Father, or Heavenly Father (and many pastors still begin prayers that way; nothing wrong with that) -  we sometimes 'forget' that we can go through Jesus as our Advocate, to get to the Father.  

But, if there is sin in our life, God does not 'hear' us.  That's why we are often told to pray according to 'ACTS.

Adore - tell God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit how much you love them; worship them. Praise them.

Confession - confess your sin(s) and ask forgiveness. Ask for help in overcoming those things that hold on to you.

Thanksgiving - thank God for His mercy and His grace; thank Him for saving you, praise Him with thanksgiving for all His gifts to you.  Thank Him that He will give you what you ask for (providing it is in line with what we should be asking for!).

Supplication - ask for what your need is.  Ask for help with finances.  Ask for healing of relationships. Ask for healing of your body. Ask for..... whatever is on  your heart, you can ask for.

and then thank Him again for what He is about to do in your life.  The answers may not come right away. Sometimes they take a lot longer than we want them to.  But when we push in to Jesus, we find that we have the strength to endure all that comes at us, because we know that He is walking the journey with us.  Hallelujah.

Many times I have been on my face before God, crying out for mercy and grace for those I love.  I may not always see or hear the answer for what I ask, but I know that in all things, God is at work, and whether I ever hear my request has been answered in my lifetime, I know that He is God and I am not, that He is in control of all things.

I actually heard of prayers being answered this week that I have prayed 20 years ago. Won't go in to details, but I praise God that in His time, He answered.    Reminds me of the song, In His Time....

In His time, in His time. He makes all things beautiful, in His time. Lord, please show me every day, as You're teaching me Your way, that You do just what You say, in Your time.

Be patient.  God is working in you and through you - and He isn't finished yet.

Blessings!

Little sleep, sinus pounding...

 what kind of day is this going to be?  For some unknown reason last night, my mind would not close its eyes and go to sleep.  I wasn't thinking about anything.  I had nothing on my mind.  It was just a void that wouldn't close its eyes.  What's up with that?  I know I slept some, but I knew when hubby came to bed, I knew about every toss and turn he made, I think.  I finally got up around 3:30AM and came in here and tried to sleep.... but even here my sleep eluded me.  Plus my throat is a bit sore... did I sleep and snore really deep?  Very possible.  Surely I slept some; I don't feel that bad. 

But now I am weighing if I should donate blood as scheduled this afternoon.  I'll wait a few hours and if it hasn't gone away, I will reschedule for next week.  Don't want to take a chance I'm catching a sinus cold or something.  Not a good thing to have if I want to donate blood.   I really think if I could sleep for a couple hours, a deep sleep, that I would feel much better.  Maybe I will just go ahead and reschedule since I'm on my computer.  If I get a chance, a 10 minute nap would be good this afternoon.  

I got a lot done yesterday and all the meetings that I needed to schedule - I think there were about 30 of them yesterday.  But, got them all done.  I was busy all day.  I know I got an email right at 4pm to do something, but I decided I wasn't even going to read it; it was, after all, 4PM, and it was not from my bosses, but from one that reports up to them.  It can wait until this morning.  At least I have something to do right off, right?

Looks like I may be driving to Mesa on Friday.  Facilities has asked for the floor we were on to be totally cleaned out.  I packed up numerous boxes when I left over two years ago (can you believe that?!) and they are still sitting by my cubicle.  My boss said she would go in and help go through other cubicles to make sure they are cleared out and asked if I wanted to meet - and of course I said yes!  It probably won't take us long to go through things and repack some of the boxes that have been gone through.  I actually have some supplies I brought home with me two years ago that I can return and put in a box.  They aren't being used; I can keep a few tablets of paper, but other than that, can return the rest.  It will be a fun day to meet up and 'work' on things there - but even more fun to have a 'play day' of sorts.  I don't have much on my calendar right now, and I'll let my other boss know I'll be in Mesa so don't send me work to do.   We will probably work through the morning, have lunch, then head back home.  Will see how it turns out.  It's almost like a 'day off' for me.  I have a long, leisurely drive there and back, get to see my favorite boss, do a little work... yeah, it could be a good day.

One of the hardest things to do is to rejoice in the Lord when things are tough.  When you and the spouse are fighting (yep, do that); when you are struggling with not feeling well (yep, feel that too); and when life is just full of disappointments and your heart is breaking (yep.... been there many times).  But the Word says that...

Philippians 4;4-6 (NKJV):  "Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice!  Let your gentleness be known to all men. The Lord is at hand. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

And when we choose to praise God in the midst of our issues, in the middle of our troubles, whenever we feel discouraged, that praise erupts in heaven and you will feel His love and peace fall upon you.  Have you tried it lately?  When that 'thing' comes at you, when you feel that anxiousness or fear, or discouragement - or even when anger comes upon you - stop and praise the Lord and you will feel such a peace come over you that you know it's nothing you could have done on your own.  

Your success and happiness lies in you.  Resolve to keep happy, and joyful, and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties.  Against life.  Against those things that trouble you.  Try it.  Rejoice and praise the Lord!

Blessings!

Needing energy...

 I finally looked at my Fitbit stats on my sleep for last night.  Why did I do that?  Because I have not been able to stay awake this morning.  I got up about 5:15AM, and was able to read my devotional and my Bible, but I keep falling asleep.  My sleep number was 68.  It's normally high 70's low 80's.  So what kept me awake last night?  I have no idea.

I really wanted to get up and get motivated to move this morning.  I joined 'us' to the 911 Tower Challenge with my work for today.  Those in Phoenix - if in person - go to the Gila River Arena (we are doing the challenge virtually) and those in Tucson - I forget where they are to go.  We all have a badge of who we are 'climbing' for.  A firefighter who lost his life in the collapse of the Twin Towers.  

I've got to learn I am not as young as I used to be, nor as active.  Walking is one thing.  Climbing stairs is another.  Our plan is to go to the gym and since they don't have a stairstepper there, to use the eplitical cause you can make it have steps as well.  2071 steps is a little over a mile.  I think I'm going to die.  Well, maybe not 'die', but I'm sure tomorrow morning - if not tonight - I will be feeling it in my legs.  Hubby too.  We will be heading over to the gym shortly to do our part.

I haven't touched base with the son yet to see when we will do our 9/11 Team Challenge walk - may have to put it off as we are having a 'heat advisory' for a few days.  He doesn't get up early so it makes it more difficult to get him available.  I'll ask for tomorrow morning, perhaps.  Or if he isn't interested at all, I'll do it on my own.  

This morning I am feeling really tired and have already drank an 'energize' powder that we take before we work out.  I'm hoping it will kick in soon.  I'm needing to drink my shake too and give it time to settle before we head over.

I really do enjoy doing these challenges but know I need to stick to walking.  AND I need to get back to walking to build my strength up.  I wish I lived closer to some of the grandchildren - I'm sure I could get at least one to walk with me.  Oh well.  It's a bear getting older, for sure.

So many photos today of what happened 20 years ago.  Take some time and think about our country's history.  I watched some films last night on TV and I couldn't stop the tears from falling.  It unified our country then... but the generation behind us has grown up ... well, I'll keep my opinion to myself.  

God help us.  God help the United States of America.  No one else can... only God can help us.  Turn our hearts back to You, Lord.  We desperately need You.

Help us, Lord, in our weakness; give us the resolve to live for You alone.  

God bless America.

A little sleep; dreaming...

 I had much difficulty getting to sleep last night - just wasn't sleepy, but to avoid questions, stayed in bed.  Tossing and turning I finally dozed some, and I had this really strange dream happen.  I like to write down my dreams - journal in a sense - just to reflect at another time on what it could possibly mean.  Most times they have meant absolutely nothing that I could think of.  This one is probably one of those.  Let's see what I can remember about it....

I was in a room, much like an office, when my latest new boss - who I actually start supporting today, come to think about it - walked in.  She asked me to sit down and proceeded to share information about the department we are in.  I have suspected the past few months that this department is being absorbed into the bigger division.  Why? Because new titles given to my two new bosses do not reflect that department in the announcements.  This new boss shared that the department was indeed being absorbed into a 'new' department of the division, in that it was being taken into a new direction.  The focus was going to be different than what it has been.

Here's where the dream gets confusing.  The newest boss states she has taken a position within the company in another part of the division, effective immediately.  Then she gets up and walks out.  My favorite boss comes in and she shares pretty much the same information, but that she is being told she has to move in this direction - or leave.  She has that decision to make.... and she was leaning towards just retiring and walking away.  She will be 62 this year.  Financially they can afford it as she and her husband followed Dave Ramsey's money management system years ago and have been out of debt for years, and saving and investing.  Her husband has been retired for about 10 years, I think.  Her decision, to just retire, was one we had talked about numerous times, but here was the reality (in my dream).  

Which left me with a decision... what was I going to do?  Was I going to try and find something within the company so that I could continue working... or was I going to walk away and finally get to retire... and then I woke up.  So then I laid there thinking about that dream and what could it possibly mean.  Perhaps that answers my thoughts of my department being absorbed into the bigger division.  But still, it was just a dream.  A deram that has no answers, at this time.  

Will I ever get to retire?  I don't know.  I often laughed over the years that I would be found at my desk when I die, never getting to enjoy life the way I have always dreamed it should be.  I"m learning not to wallow in my pain, but to live where I am planted.  I do what I can, and God knows where my heart is.  I haven't been able to make the difference I have wanted to make, but He won't hold tha against me.  Perhaps those were just my dreams and not His.  I need to relax and let God direct me to the Plans He has for me.  Plans to bring me hope and a future.

I choose today to put my hope and my future in Jesus.  I can do nothing in my own power.  I can't right wrongs; I can't change things that have happened; I can't bring back to life that which is dead.  But by the power of Jesus Christ, dead and dry bones will rise, they will be covered with new skin, and those dry bones will live.

Are you seeing dry bones in your life?  Are there things that no longer have life in them?  Do you feel your spirit had been defeated and sucked out of you?

Ezekiel 37:1-10.... The hand of the Lord was on me, and he brought me out by the Spirit of the Lord and set me in the middle of a valley; it was full of bones. He led me back and forth among them, and I saw a great many bones on the floor of the valley, bones that were very dry.  He asked me, "Son of man, can these bones live?"

I said, "Sovereign Lord, you alone know."

Then he said to me, "Prophesy to these bones and say to them 'Dry bones, hear the word of the Lord! This is what the Sovereign Lord says to these bones; I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life. I will attach tendons to you, and make flesh come upon you and cover you with skin; I will put breath in you and you will come to life. Then you will know that I am the Lord'.

So I prophesied as I was commanded. And as I was prophesying, there was a noise, a rattling sound, and bones came together, bone to bone. I looked, and tendons and flesh appeared on them and skin covered them, but there was no breath was in them.

Then he said to me, "Prophesy to the breath, prophesy, son of man, and say to it, 'This is what the Sovereign Lord says: Come, breath, from the four winds and breathe into these slain, that they may live.'" So I prophesied as he commanded me, and breath entered them, they came to life and stood on their feet - a vast army.

Ask Jesus to stand your dry bones up and blow a fresh breath of His Spirit into and over you.  Ask Him to cover you with 'new skin', and cause you to live and have new life.  He will do it.  He will.  He is just waiting for you to ask Him.   

Will you?