but will I ever decide to even start? Actually, there are TWO things I've been feeling .... 1) I look at my soft flabby arms and know I need to push myself to go work out. Build my muscles. Gain strength. You know, that kind of stuff. I sometimes see a photo on Facebook with two photos. One is a woman who is 70 and she reminds me of my grandma. Chubby, sitting down, hands folded, long dress, white hair pulled back in a bun. You have seen those photos, right? The other photo is also a woman who is 70. She is standing in workout clothes with a slender strong body, with her arms raised showing her biceps. And then the caption is something like "which would you rather be?" I'm the flabby, chubby one sitting down right now, and I don't want to be that way. Sigh. I have my weights, my weight bench, my treadmill, etc. so what is my problem? I don't want advice. I don't want 'anyone' suggesting to me what I need to do. I don't want 'anyone' watching me. I want them to pretend I'm not there. I want to do it by myself, unless I ask for help. And some people think they know it all - although they have every excuse not to be doing it themselves. I have my workout books, and I can do just fine.
I need to move beyond that and just do it. Right? I've been watching my food intake for three weeks and haven't lost anything much to speak of. Now hubby, on the other hand, tells me he has lost 9 pounds. He is the only man I know that can go to the doctor and lose the same 4-5 pounds EVERY time he goes. It's like he goes and weighs in, gets a weight. Eats everything until a few days before he goes back, he loses it. Now whether the doctor is telling him he lost the four pounds or he is telling me he has lost the 4 pounds... I just don't question. It's kind of like my mother used to say. "I've lost 100 pounds this year." We puase and look at her and she responds, "the same 5 pounds 20 times."
The second thing? I've mentioned before that this is a dream I have had all my life. Because of my love for books, I've always wanted to write my own book. We watched a movie last night; one that we had seen before but had forgotten. The story line was about a publishing house and an author. Yes, it was a romantic movie, and it was a good one. But it put the longing in my heart again to want to write. I have no time right now to even ponder a good topic, a good story line; besides, what could I write about? My life has not been adventurous, at all. I haven't done any great thing (other than raising 3 awesome children, having 11 awesome grandchildren, and almost 7 great-grandchildren) andI didn't even do all that! I often dreamed of writing a book. Perhaps someday. Perhaps when I can retire and have time to research and think and take my time. I've heard of lots of older people who didn't write their first book until they were 'old'. Haven't you? I still have time to hope, to dream, right?
I met my boss for breakfast yesterday and we both talked about retirement. The difference? Her husband is wanting her to go ahead and retire now. He retired a few years ago; they have not spent money foolishly (following the Dave Ramsey plan), and have invested some. She's 62. She wants to wait until she turns 65 so that she can immediately go on Medicare. I am 72, and my husband panics if I even mention wanting to retire. I've always been his security blanket. There would be a lot of changes if I retired now. I know we could do it, I made sure of that when we bought this place. One of us could stay here and make it. I never want to be a burden on any of my children. I love my 'space'. I just don't get much of it now. I told my boss that if she decided to retire before our 'set' date of January 10, 2025, I would need to retire too. (Did that ever set hubby off when It old him that! Talk about anxiety! LOL) But on the other hand, I couldn't sit here at home day after day with hubby and not do anything. So even working from home is mental therapy for me. But, I do long to be 'free to be me', which is something I haven't been able to do for at least 40 years.
One more week until our weekend getaway up north. I am looking forward to the mani/pedi that I have scheduled for both of us next Friday. After that we'll have lunch and then take our time heading north for the weekend. Hubby's 85th birthday is next Friday - and since I had no idea of what to get him as he needs nothing - and I know how he likes to 'get out of town', decided I'd play it to my advantage and go north where we know all the shops are. :-) Not that I need anything either. Except yarn. I always need yarn.
Finished up a Christmas gift last night only to realize I left off one color. I need to figure out how to insert this color, perhaps overlay the design. I don't know right now, but will figure it out. It can be unique in its own design. I also talked with my boss about sewing and we both want to get back into that as well. I enjoy making things 'by hand', and have made all the baby quilts for the grandchildren by hand. And I have a couple baby quilts ready to be sewn, but to make the decision between sewing and crocheting, it's easier to crochet. And quieter.
Hmmmm, my printer is making noises and I haven't sent anything over to it. I really need to turn it off unless I plan to use it. It's been awhile, but there have been some mornings I can come in and find papers all over the floor with one continuous line where it has typed over and over on that line - and I have no idea where it comes from. I'll get up and check it soon. I see a message of some sort on the screen.
Have you ever looked back over your life and seen times that you wished you had chosen differently? Do you sometimes feel sad because you made the choice you did? Even with bad choices, if we learn from them, they can become good choices. I've made a lot of bad choices over the years, and I've learned from many of them. I've also made bad choices that I still need to learn from! Sometimes it feels like life is so hard...how will I get through it; and yet, I know that I will. Sometimes we need to let go of the past so that we can live for and in the future.
Philippians 3:12-14 (NIV): "Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind, and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."
In fact, I heard a Rabbi speak one day and he actually said these words: "God can not take you to your future, if you won't let go of your past." Thought-provoking. "Let it go". Learn from it, but let it go.
Blessings!
