I'm taking Monday and Tuesday off work next week. Tuesday, because we got a Christmas gift from a grandson and his wife to go to the Japanese Friendship Garden downtown. I think they forgot I work during the day.... so had to take the day off. No big deal. I deserve a break, and the day of the tickets there isn't much happening. I decided to also take Monday off and have a four day weekend. We've already got a lunch scheduled with our trainer and his girlfriend on Monday. Other than that - prepare for class Monday evening (will share on that later) and maybe girls night out with my daughter on Tuesday.
But, before I shut the computer off last night... sigh.... I saw an email from one of my bosses that began with "I'm sorry, but...." and I wondered what that was about so opened it up to see. Sigh. He says I have to take a LMS class... LMS are the letters for Legal Management System.... and I will have to go into the system at least once a month to terminate contracts. Yes, "I want to retire" immediately came to the surface! I don't want to learn! Well, it's not really that... if I was in the office, I'd have no problem with learning it, because I would be in that environment. Do you realize how hard it is to focus and learn things for work here from home? My mind just doesn't want to!! But I will have to. I should push myself to learn more and excel more in my job. But I don't want to. I don't have the desire, nor do I need to push towards a bigger career. I'm past the career stage. I want my career to be serving like Jesus, not working in an office. And yet, I can really do both. sigh.
I need to do something productive this weekend in this room so that I can clear my head. Maybe it's the clutter I still have around me and don't know what to do with that is causing this heaviness? I just had a thought - and that might help. More on that thought later.. if it comes to being completed. Or even started.
Today we have a women's thing at church that I plan to go to. Our administrator at church had a Zoom meeting last night and we were included - regarding the heart crews we are trying to start up. I had difficulty getting it on - hubby had deleted it off his computer. I have Teams on mine. So we ended up on my phone - about 10 minutes late. The meeting went well, and I think I felt somewhat better after it was over - other than hubby was very frustrated his dinner was late and kept making noises - and his stomach was growling. I don't feel sorry for him - we have food - plenty of it - and he chooses not to eat it - instead grabbing a celery stalk - because he wants ME to fix his food for him. If I'm busy or not here and don't come out of my room to fix him lunch, unless I have leftovers in the refrigerator, he will eat a celery stalk. And of course this was dinner time - past the time I usually fix dinner - so we ate late, and then he was frustrated. Anyway - the meeting went well. She wants me to bring a few of my books to this women's meeting so that if there is any interest, they can see the book and I can answer their questions. I even created a flyer of sorts last night with some information on it. I think it turned out pretty good! At this point, I don't really care if we do a class or not. I'm just tired of struggling to deal with it, know what I mean? I love the class, I love teaching others, and my friend told me the other day that I need to find another avenue to teach because God has gifted me to do just that. Well, will see what God has planned after this weekend. We are also to meet in the lobby after church and see if we can get anyone to sign up. More on this next week. Maybe. If I remember.
I really enjoyed today's devotional in one of my books that I read each morning. It had reference to 'stepping into your destiny' and being all that God has called you to be. Isn't that where I am at - and where I am struggling? I want to do so much more - and I feel like I'm in a prison and unable to get out to do anything. But, I also know, that I can be in God's destiny for me, right where I am. For my family, for friends, and even on here. I want to grow and walk in the wisdom of God and to know and obey His Word. So what's keeping me from all that I want to do? Me. I know that. I need to quit cowering and hiding and withdrawing... and step out in faith that God will direct me where I am to go and what I am to do. I need to quit saying "I'm too old" and "well, I can't".... and change my words to 'What do You want me to do, Lord?" So much I want to do - and I need to do it and quit sitting on the couch complaining I can't do it!
James 1:2-3 (NIV): "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, when you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance."
None of us likes testing of our faith. And, like many others, I don't often go through the testing with joy. Reminds me - remember the talk my boss had with me the other day? We touched base yesterday and he said 'thank you for being resilient. That gave me pause because a friend had said that about me after a class study a year ago.
Resilient - (a) capable of withstanding shock without permanent deformation or rupture. (b) tending to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change.
That's when it's used as a noun. As an adverb, it can mean 'springy', flexible, etc. Interesting. Well, I do try to look on the good side of things, the positive side of things, when I am backed into a corner and don't have a choice. LOL Like having to learn the LMS system. I know I can do it. I just don't want to. But I'll do it, because it is now part of my job. A job I want to retire from. But then I ask myself, is God wanting me to take these things, learn these things, because He has use of them whenever I do get to retire? I know part of me doesn't want to learn them because I think I'll never use them again if I ever left the company - and yet - is that the case? Is God taking the time for me to learn these things to not only learn how to do them, but how to learn from them? Something to ponder.
And with that, I will hush and wish you a great day!
Blessings!
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